PLEASE NOTE: THIS IS A SPOILER-RICH ZONE

PLEASE NOTE: THIS IS A SPOILER-RICH ZONE. If your diet requires you to dine on television spoiler-free ... good luck with that.

REVIEW ARCHIVES

Tuesday, August 13, 2019

JonBenet Ramsey Was Killed By An Owl

Episode 4.03: Keep Calm and Party On. Original Airdate 7.26.19.

“Veronica and Keith’s client, Daniel Maloof, makes a shocking confession. [Chief of Police] Langdon closes in on her top suspect. Veronica and Matty join forces, just as the whole investigation is flipped on its head.”



Zelda's Thoughts:

  • V is jogging at night and the schmuckbait is too strong for me here.
  • Yep and someone is here to mug her. “You don’t have to say bitch. You can be a scary PCHer and respect women.”
  • And she tases him and takes a photo “for the ‘gram.” And then she asks for his wallet. “Go on. Git! This is my alone time.”
  • Uh so apparently this mugging cold open, with Juan Diego’s wallet of six crisp hundred dollar bills “inspires a conspiracy theory that was going to change [V’s] life.” Really?
  • Pizza Patton and Matty are trading theories: Mole Man or Congressman Maloof
  • Welp, two fans of Patton show up and it turns out they love him because he’s coming after a Muslim politician so racism sure is fun. At least he blinks at that.
  • Wow, apparently someone’s been blackmailing Maloof for the past year, and forcing his hand on certain votes, using a compromising video. His theory is that the bomb was a warning for him not to resign from politics.
  • Sidenote: I see that Kristen Bell is skilled in TV character eating: tiny tiny bites: 


  • The Mayor looks pretty blustery and useless so far.
  • “I’m sorry, who are you?” “How much time do you have? Cuz I've been thinking about this a lot lately.”
  • Dammit, we got our hopes up that V’s promise to have someone trace the blackmailer would be Mac … but she’s in Istanbul. For reasons.
  • “If you must know—” (Logan, from off camera behind the door) “Oh, she must.”
  • Logan's so much graver this season, but I do like when they remember how skilled he is at the banter.
  • “I assume that any text that starts with ‘bring me pants’ is from Dick.”
  • Oooh we’re at the Duck bar. Where’s our best friend Nicole?
  • I’ll say this for S4, there’s a lot more shirtless men than women
  • LOOK IT’S OUR BEST FRIEND NICOLE
  • Wait why are we partying? I thought we were here for surveillance tapes. I’m so confused.
  • Wowww V is pukey hungover.
  • At least she got to bond and dance with our best friend Nicole 


  • Veronica wants a sap glove for Christmas. I guess she doesn’t need a pony anymore.
  • “He's convinced JonBenet Ramsey was killed by an owl.” Guys, I think I understood that reference!
  • Ewwww someone was shitting in the ice machines at the Sea Sprite.
  • And they’re sitting stakeout.
  • Mole Man’s license plate is 4VA G00. FOREVAH GOOOOOOOOO


  • This is my new thing I’m going to say over and over and over.
  • And Keith, through some sneaky phone work, finds the name of Mole Man: Perry Walsh. And when he looks him up: “Sweet Jesus.”
  • And he brings it to Chief of Police Langdon: Perry Walsh has a history with pipe bombs.
  • And while she’s not brushing him off the way the incompetent and corrupt Lambs would, she is brushing him off … but only until he’s out of sight – then she sends a SWAT team to Mole Man’s home.
  • Murderheads Meeting … this is fun
  • Wow, to his face, Patton is trying to tell Logan that Aaron may not have killed Lilly.
  • And now V knows that Gabriel is the nephew of cartel man.
  • Oops, Congressman is out of his nicotine gum. And Logan is offsite. I’m so scared he’s about to lose his head.
  • I just started screaming oh shit over and over because I thought our cartel friends were gonna behead the Congressman but instead he’s been abducted by the Carr brothers. Fucking hell.
  • It’s really just … so beyond anything that they’re doing all this shit to a sitting politician, for the sake of a ring.
  • Alonzo rescues him from the Carrs, cuts him down … what comes next?
  • I wonder if it’ll turn out that anything Pizza Patton is blathering about is right.
  • Oh damn, Perry “Mole Man” Walsh blew himself up with the cops closed in on him.
  • The body count is pretty high this season.
  • Aw man. They are gonna kill the Congressman. Aw man.
  • Logan’ll be out of a job. As will the Marses.
  • Wow, saved by the radio, which is reporting that Perry Walsh is the bomber. “Seems like we should still kill this asshole.”
  • Welp, Maloof's higher ground is lost, as he asks Alonzo to kill the two Carr brothers.
  • Keith and Logan both shocked and appalled that V didn’t bother to tell them about the attempted mugging. Apparently our man Juan Diego is also the phantom shitter.


  • Welp, and Langdon claims “diligent policework,” rather than giving credit to the Marses for tracking down Walsh.
  • He served seven years in Chino. V: “Cuss me running.” She’s finding a big ol’ conspiracy connection among Big Dick, Clyde, the Fitzpatricks, Walsh, and her mugger Juan Diego, all to clear out Spring Break partiers from Neptune. She did warn us of the conspiracy theory.
  • GUYS, KEITH STILL HAS THE THIS IS YOUR GOD POSTER IN HIS OFFICE I DIE
  • “You and I have a history of tilting at windmills.” I’m scared. Keith is warning her off it and he might be right, but the whole season has been warning us that worse is to come.
  • Another pill sequence for Keith, and now he’s going to the fancy doc that JK Simmons recommended.
  • WEEVIL IS BACK. GOD BLESS US EVERYONE.
  • ALSO HECTOR IS HERE REMEMBER HIM. 
You may remember him from such films as Scenes With Weevil.


  • Oh damn, Alonzo has been brought to meet Weevil.
  • So we're here to cheer Logan on at the volleyball tourney, but why isn’t Veronica sitting next to her best friend Wallace or our best friend Nicole? Why are they both perched behind her like sidekicks? (I know the answer is framing, but eff it) 


  • Oh. Fuck. Another bomb.
  • Veronica’s the only one not running away. She’s walking slowly toward it.
  
Daniel's Thoughts:

  • Veronica jogs.  That’s new.   It’s like 5 in the morning
  • And some PCHer tries to mug her.  But first she tries to talk him out of it.  And then she uses her taser.  It’s awesome.

Does this face look worried?


  • And then she takes his wallet.  But it’s something about the $100 bills she finds that sparks something.
  • If we have a PCHer, does that mean we’ll see Weevil soon?
  • The Cartel guys: Alonzo and Dodie.  Alonzo throws out the hotel bible. True story: I have a friend who takes bibles out of his hotel rooms and puts them outside the door.
  • Matty is visiting Patton Oswalt.  He’s still on his theory but Matty has her doubts.
  • He brings up Lilly Kane…which probably happened before Matty was born. GOD WE’RE OLD.  He briefly explains what happened in season 1.
  • He’s got fans.  He’s getting interviewed.  He’s enjoying his 15 minutes.
  • Logan’s started his job as security.  He greets the Mars’.  I like them working as a team.  All three of them now.
  • It is true that they tried to pay off Tawny.  It doesn’t change the Mars’ working for him.
  • Turns out Congressman Maloof is also being blackmailed for a….solo…sex tape.
  • Wow, Veronica’s kinda bitter. “Nothing matters.”
  • Veronica says she can find someone who can help find the blackmailer.  Is it Mac??
  • Keith asks if it’s who he thinks it is but neither he nor Veronica share a name with us.  IS IT MAC?
  • “Who are you?” “How much time do you have because  I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately.”
  • It's not Mac. Apparently Mac is in Istanbul. But that's all we get on that.
  • She asks Logan for help.  Also Logan speaks a little Arabic so he can understand when the Maloof’s speak Arabic to avoid Logan listening in.  Ooh, that’s great.
  • Kristen Bell and Patton Oswald have great rapport.
  • Man, I would hate to live in Neptune during spring break. It’s constant noise and GET OFF MY LAWN.
  • Is Dick a stripper now, what?   

I'll allow it.

  • Shots time!  Holy crap, Veronica gets druuuunk.  And it’s awesome.  She requests No Scrubs from the DJ and they play it. 
  • She regrets it the next day when she vomits it all up.  Amateur.
Just take some ibuprofen, bacon egg & cheese wrap and down some water.

  • Meanwhile. Keith found the rat guy.
  • Matty shows up at the Marses.   She tells them about her Fitzpatrick theory.
  • So Veronica & Matty go sit in a car waiting for the guy to show up.
  • Matty brings up Lilly.  Veronica admits she’s still angry about it.
  • Keith gets into Veronica mode and uses some aliases.
  • Police chief Dawnn Lewis doesn’t seem to want Keith’s help – but once he’s gone, she at least takes his warnings seriously.
  • Veronica and Logan go to meet Patton Oswalt for his “Murderhead” club.
  • The Murderheads have some wild theories but at least they can help V with certain facts. One: That Gabriel’s a relative of El Despiadado.
  • Zelda and I have a theory that one person is going to lose their head an episode.  We’re two for two and now we’re worried about the congressman.
  • So the congressman goes outside where Dodie and Alozno are waiting.  He gets kidnapped, but it’s not our cartel friends – it’s Tawny’s relatives still looking for that damn ring.
  • Alonzo and Dodie save him….but for what?
  • The Murderheads are all talking about Lilly and it’s getting tiresome.  For both me and Veronica.
  • So Perry, the moleman is dead in an apparent bombing suicide.  We’re only on episode three so that’s a bunch of hooey.
  • Congressman Maloof thanks Alonzo at first but then realizes they’re going to kill him.  I mean, I’d have hope – but they killed some innocent robotics college student, so.
  • I’ll say one thing – Logan and Veronica at least have a healthy sex life.
  • “This guy mugged me a while ago.” Logan & Keith: “What??”
  • I’m not sure about this new chief.  She seems competent but she still doesn’t give Keith and Veronica credit for their help in the investigation.
  • Veronica puts together that a lot of people involved were in the same prison.
  • Keith decides to take JK Simmons’ case.
  • So Wallace is more than just a HS Coach – he’s a Physics teacher as well.  In fact, he’s Matty’s teacher.  We learn that by hearsay – we don’t actually see Wallace.
  • Veronica and Keith debate dropping the case as solved.  They decide to – but then Veronica admits to the Maloofs that she doesn’t think they have the right guy.  And yes, we’re in episode 3 so I agree with Veronica.
  • Wow, Keith takes JK Simmons up on his offer.  He gets this amazing treatment – unlike when he was doing PT with Corny.
  • Weeviiiiilllll.  He looks good.  He meets Alonzo.
  • Dick seems to be making a living being a host at spring break stuff.
  • Dick and Logan are playing a couple of professional Volleyball players.  
*cute Top Gun music*

  • Veronica & Wallace & Kirby are there watching.
  • ANOTHER KABOOM.

Crossfire!

Murderhead: It means 'the ruthless,' I looked it up.
D, outraged: IT MEANS MERCILESS. GOOGLE TRANSLATE SAYS SO.






Veronica: Why do I always have to be right?
Daniel: Well not always. We have stats, girl.


Favorite Lines:

Zelda: "Cuss me running." - Veronica
Daniel: "Who are you?” “How much time do you have because  I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately.” - Langdon and Logan

Arc/Continuity:
First Appearance: Don, Juan Diego, Carol, Claudia, Angie, Tim Davids (Reporter), Herc, Manager Kelly
Recurring:  THIS IS YOUR GOD poster in Keith’s office, Weevil, Alonzo Lozano, Wallace Fennel, Dodie Mendoza, Daniel Maloof, Dick Casablancas, Nicole Malloy, Chief of Police Marcia Langdon, Penn Epner, Matty Ross, Amalia Maloof, Alex Maloof, Clyde Pickett, Tayler Carr, Tyler Carr, Perry "Mole Man" Walsh, Mayor Mark Dobbins, Bob Sargent, Hector
Generally Known TV Face: Clark Duke, Tyler Alvarez, Dannah Phirman
Zelda's Childhood Returning: Reporter #2 is played by Venus DeMilo Thomas  who played Telly on Salute Your Shorts
Logan's Inspirational Message: “Einstein said you cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for death. No, wait. That was war.”
Keith’s Alias: two phone scams

Stats:
Dead Humans – 2
Pony Sighting - 1
Veronica Breaks In - 0
Veronica Tases Someone - 1
Mac Hacks - 0
Who's Your Daddy? - 0
Wallace Does Veronica a Favor - 0
Logan Does Veronica a Favor - 0
Veronica Wants a Pony - 0
Logan Punches Someone - 0
Dick's Single Entendres - 0
Shenanigans Called - 0
VERONICA WAS RIGHT - 1
VERONICA WAS WRONG - 0

Tuesday, August 6, 2019

Fourteen Kids. Thirteen Criminals. One Priest.


Episode 4.02: Chino and the Man. Original Airdate 7.19.19.


“Veronica and Keith launch their investigation. Their involvement puts Police chief Langdon on edge. Penn goes public with his theory on who the bomber is. Meanwhile, local teen Matty Ross begins her own search for her father’s killer.”








Daniel's Thoughts:

  • Wow, so Dick is a drug addict now and where did that come from?
  • He’s trying to get heroin but some guy kills him instead.
  • Psyche!  He’s an actor in a film…which I figured out as soon as his throat was slit.
  • Veronica’s feeling guilty about turning down Logan’s proposal.
  • Hey it’s JK Simmons!  Affiliated with Dick sr. somehow.  His right hand man.
  • Dick’s date is apparently underage and JK Simmons catches that fact saving Dick  from statutory rape charges.
  • He also appreciates Veronica’s quick wit and cleverness.  So we either like him or he’ll become a worthy adversary. I'm betting on the latter. (Or why not both?)
  • El Despananana’s men are now in Neptune.
  • The Dicks are chatting about Sr’s tattoo and JK Simmons is watching knowingly.
  • Flashback: JK Simmons being as scary as his Oz character but he helps Dick Sr. from the inmates tattooing him.
  • Wow, the nerds are being all weird and chauvinistic, surprising no one. But none of them even seem sad their friend blew up which seems pretty callous.
  • The Cartel guys show up to interview the nerds right after the Mars’ leave.  Their interrogation tactics…are a little rougher than Veronica & Keith’s.
  • One of the nerds thinks the bomb-suspect is a robotics nerd rival of Gabriel’s.
  • JK Simmons reminds me a bit of Clarence Wiedman….but smarter maybe.
  • I’m really thinking he might be a good adversary for Veronica.  We’ll see what happens.
  • Back in Prison, Dick Sr. makes a deal with JK Simmons….but it turns out JK Simmons planned the whole attack. Ooooh. I knew there was something about him.
  • The Chief of Police Dawnn Lewis is now interviewing the motel owner’s daughter.
  • “Honky tonky” “heavy on the honky.”
  • Lamb 2: dumber.
  • Kirby’s back: And I love her talking in her real accent.
  • Veronica loves her badassery and so do I.
  • Pony sighting!  I swear this dog is played by the same dog actor who was in Downward Dog, a cute, one-season-wonder.  But the dog actor who plays Pony is not listed on imdb which I think is a doggone shame. [Get out. - Cary Grant]
  • According to this, his name is Rocco and I am being Doggist.

  • Veronica is weird because Logan is being so mature.  And I get it, even if it’s not completely rational. 
  • Logan (and I) don’t really know what Veronica wants.  How exactly does she want him to react?
  • He punches a wall and Veronica immediately jumps on him to have sex so….  V’s got some issues.
  • I mean it’s kind of this thing in the movie where she left good-guy Piz to be with Logan because she felt that relationships need to have drama.  And now that Logan has matured, she’s missing that from him too. It’s a shame that people in TV shows, in this case, Veronica feel like they need that.
  • Turns out Patton Oswalt the Pizza guy has delivered a lot of pizzas to the Mars’. 
  • For a pizza guy, he has a really nice apartment – for a basement apartment.  Nice tall ceilings.
  • Veronica’s kinda being a dick. But it’s because he had a nasty tweet about Keith.
  • Turns out he’s also a bit of a conspiracies nut.  And has a group online that talks about murders.  He asks Veronica, “Do you think they’ll ever find Lilly Kane’s murderer?”  Ugh. 
  • Hey!  JK Simmons stops by the Mars Office.
  • So here’s JK Simmons’ definitely fake story about finding a woman he was with when he was arrested.
  • Veronica makes the case that maybe she doesn’t want to be found – and JK Simmons concedes. 
  • Tawny’s (the dead fiancée) family fight’s with the Maloofs over an engagement ring gone missing but it’s more than that of course.
  • “I’m the honor student who beat up your bully”

  • Veronica is waiting to interview Matty (the motel owner’s daughter) but she seems to have slipped away.  Good thing Veronica put a tracking device on her car.
  • V ends up back at the closed hotel.  Matty is there.
  • And then she’s not.  She gets away again.  Veronica is impressed.
  • Veronica finds a business card for Alpha Jolly Amusements.  Veronica: “Oh no.” Me: “What’s Alpha Jolly Amusements?” Zelda: “I don’t know!”
  • Oh…it’s a Fitzpatrick.  Liam.  And Matty comes to see him.  The plot thickens.
  • Turns out they installed the vending machine that douche law student was banging on before the bomb exploded.
  • Also turns out Matty is a bit of a sleuth.  She’s looking for the man who loaded that machine because there’s gum in it and THAT’S SUSPICIOUS.
  • Veronica saves Matty by driving by at the right time and holding a gun on Liam.  Oh no!  Veronica has a gun! I hope it doesn’t get used.
  • Veronica schools Matty on the dangers of the Fitzpatricks.  Fourteen kids.  Thirteen Criminals….one priest.
  • Veronica feels for Matty…I don’t know if Kristen Bell has ever played a mom but she’d be a good one. (Oh yeah, there was that stupid bad moms movie…)
  • Veronica Stop! You’re on speaker!
  • Logan might get involved in the Tawny’s family/Maloofs feud.  And he does!  He kick’s some butt.  That military training has improved his skill.
  • But also the big guy literally sits on Danny’s face. It’s kinda hilarious.
  • Mean while Pizzaguy Patton Oswalt floats a theory about the bomb on national tv.  He says the bomb was meant for Tawny because they were trying to buy her off not to marry Danny.
  • The Cartel guys may believe it too. AND THERE’S A HEAD.  And it’s the robotics kid omg!  These guys like overreacting.
  • And Logan now has a new job as the head of the congressman’s solo security team.  Good for him.

Zelda’s Thoughts:

  • I WONDER WHAT WILL HAPPEN THIS TIME.
  • Gasp fires in trash cans. And … Dick. Without his bleachy surfer swoop of hair. How weird.
  • Is that Josh Duhamel?
Ron Howard: It was Josh Duhamel.

  • Dick is a junkie now? A heroin junkie? I … okay?
  • Ah okay this isn’t real because no way is Dick a cop.
  • Wow wow wow Dick is a murdered undercover cop in … some random film.
  • JK SIMMONS MY MAN. WE GOT AN OSCAR WINNER IN THE HOUSE.
  • He’s quietly observing and is clearly wiser than either Casablancas present.
  • Heh and he axes Dick’s high school sidepiece before he gets himself in some statutory trouble.
  • Alonzo: “Use English. We should try to blend in.” And get the show out of subtitling all their scenes.

  • Oh look some random spoiled white boy being racist. So we throat punch him. That’s not the best way to blend in.
  • Oho. We see in flashback that Big Dick met JK Simmons in prison. Looks like he’s been looking out for him since then.
  • V and Keith interviewing the nerd crew to find out what they know about Gabriel’s movements.
  • Ew this clumsy hitting on Veronica by the nerds ew.
  • Welp, and as they leave, our two cartel friends arrive.
  • Oh shit, clumsy flirting nerd gave up a random person’s name (a rival of Gabriel’s from robotics?) as the one who killed Gabriel. This strikes me as something that will end super not well.
  • And they seem to have realized they maybe shouldn’t give the name of someone who may be innocent to two guys who strolled into their hotel room and beat one of them up with the butt of his gun.
  • I notice these flashbacks with JK have that familiar green tint of yore.
  • GASP the whole thing with JK rescuing Big Dick was staged in order to earn his loyalty I am so shocked SHOCKED I tell you, at the Slytherin on this one.
  • There’s a mayor now. I guess we really are no longer in Sheriff/City Controller (or whatever it was Woody was running for) land of Neptune of old.
  • “A pizza guy said that … about me?” Keith’s mock outrage
  • OUR BEST FRIEND IS HERE HI NICOLE MALLOY.
  • “I punched him because I couldn’t find my uzi.” And V smiles at her new best friend.
  • “I am angry … all the time. And all of the work I’m doing with Jane is aimed at one thing: keeping my anger from destroying me.”
  • Logan punches a cabinet, bloodying his hand – “Is that classic Logan enough for ya?” – and V grabs him in a passionate kiss that leads to some sex that seems more rough than loving.
  • And Logan calls her out “that what you like … me losing control like that?” And he leave a number for a therapist for Veronica.
  • Yeah, good, because this is not the LoVe I want … this is unhealthy and unhappy and V really does need to self-examine. Logan and Veronica loving (and lusting) each other isn’t enough to sustain a relationship if their communication is this broken, if they want each other to be who they can’t be.
  • Hot damn, Patton the Pizza Guy is part of an online group that investigates cold cases. How will this play out?
  • WOW WOW WOW and he says “Do you think they’ll ever figure out who murdered Lilly Kane” and just damn. A harsh reminder that Aaron wasn’t convicted. It still counts as a cold case if you look at it that way, which is awful.
  • JK coming in to Mars Investigations! I don’t know why, but I’m excited—good actors, good smart characters.
  • Oooh they did a feature on Veronica in Vanity Fair? That’s cool.
  • He says he’s trying to track down a woman he was seeing before he was arrested … I DON’T BELIEVE IT. WHO IS HE TRYING TO TRACK DOWN.
  • “You’re asking me to find a woman who, it seems to me, has made a choice to not include you in her life.” Good call, V.
  • Though he’s playing the sad dog well. “I appreciate your directness.” // “Thanks. Most people don’t.”
  • Wow Tawny Carr's (dead fiancee) family is kind of awful racist trash, so this is fun. And by fun I mean can this scene please end.
  • And there seems to be a dispute about a missing engagement ring/family heirloom.
  • V, up to her old tricks, putting a tracker on a car … fully observed by Matty inside the house she’s approaching, so I’m sure that’ll end well.
  • Also, another I’m-in-denial-everything-is-fine nod to Keith’s memory problems.
  • I swear to god, they are not allowed to take him away from us.
  • The literal only spoiler I know about this season is something big happens that upset everyone and I’m terrified it’s about Keith.
  • Daniel and I just paused for fifteen minutes to talk through the victims and possible theories. I really don’t think Gabriel was the target, but we have two cartel guys on the case anyway. But how could the bomber know who would be in the lobby, and who was supposed to be there? Only the motel dad was a guarantee to be present. But Pizza Patton and Matty were adjacent, and the brother of the congressman. Who was the real target? Will there be another bomb, if the real target survived?
  • Wow, this girl really is slippery. Off she goes on the scooter.
  • It must be unnerving, a motel on spring break, empty and silent.
  • Hot damn, break into one room, sees a path of doors opening onto adjacent rooms as Matty runs far far away.
  • What is Alpha Jolly Amusements and why are we concerned about it?
  • Matty could have a future in espionage, all this crafty sneaking.
  • NOOOOOO I DON’T WANT A FITZPATRICK I DON’T WANT IT. GIVE ME WEEVIL OR VINNIE VAN LOWE BUT DON’T THROW FITZPATRICKS AT ME AGAIN.
  • Ah, she’s here because Alpha Jolly stocks the vending machine, and the last thing we saw was someone hitting the vending machine before the big boom happened. So maybe Matty’s working the angle that the Fitzpatricks planted the bomb.
  • “Whoever filled in for our normal guy put gum in the machine. We don’t do gum. We’re a motel.”
  • Apparently he had a mole. Did we see this mystery guy?
  • Now, I won’t say Matty doesn’t need to work on her issues, because she has ‘em, but that anger and vengeance? That’s classic Veronica Mode.
  • Ah, and she found … Mole Man … as she calls him
  • And before Liam can smash V's window with a wrench, she pulls a gun on him. We’ve come a long way from V being suffocated in a bar.

  • I'm also quietly wondering if the show got any flack for Veronica and her gun.
  • “God, I hate that girl.” // “Which one?”
  • Guys I’m so mad the Fitzpatricks are part of this.
  • At least that stupid secret society that Jake Kane was head of hasn’t reared up … yet.
  • V, re the Fitzpatricks: “Fourteen kids. Thirteen criminals. One priest.” YEAH, FATHER PATRICK FITZPATRICK, THE WORST NAMED PRIEST EVER.
  • “What am I supposed to do? Sit at home? Grieve?” // “You could tell the police your theory. You could tell me.”
  • You can see why V will care for this kid. She’s so much like V was. “I thought if I could solve the case quickly enough, she wouldn’t have enough time to set and harden.” Ouch.
  • Call that therapist, V.
  • Holy shit, the Carr assholes showed up and are suffocating the Maloof men.
  • These two guys wanna mess with Logan now but um. He’s all navy trained and ripped.
  • Holy shit, he wrecked them. I wonder if Jason Dohring asked if he could do some stunts this season or …
  • Wowww Pizza Patton is full on conspiracy theorist, on TV saying the bomb was in the makeup bag, and that Congressman Maloof tried to kill Tawny Carr.
  • So we have two theories so far on where the bomb was: the vending machine or the makeup bag. We also have the mystery of the missing ring, and if that's actually connected.
  • WHAT THE FUCK THEY CUT OFF ROBOTICS GUY’S HEAD OMG.

  • I can’t stop scream-laugh-screaming but SERIOUSLY WOW these guys need to DO RESEARCH BEFORE THEY GO BEHEADING WILLY NILLY
  • And now they’re gonna go after the Congressman? On exactly as little heresay evidence as before
  • And now Logan is Congressman Maloof’s security detail, so that’s gonna be super fun.

Crossfire!



Camera: *reveals Liam Fitzpatrick*
Z: AW, GODDAMMIT.
D: Is he a Fitzpatrick?
Z: Yeah.
D: AW, GODDAMMIT.










Favorite Lines:

Daniel: Logan: “Don’t worry, I got the check.” Veronica: “I didn’t want you to murder anyone for it.”
Zelda: Liam: "God, I hate that girl." Mole Man: "Which one?"


Arc/Continuity:

First Appearance: Clyde Pickett, Tayler Carr, Tyler Carr, Perry Walsh (Mole Man)
Recurring:  Alonzo Lozano, Dodie Mendoza, Daniel Maloof, Dick Casablancas, Nicole Malloy, Marcia Langdon, Penn Epner, Richard Casablancas, Matty Ross, Amalia Maloof, Simon, Liam Fitzpatrick, Loyd, Craig, Andy, Bob Sargent
Already Famous Person: J.K. Simmons, Josh Duhamel
Generally Known TV Face: Lauren Stamile



Stats:

Dead Humans - 1
Pony Sighting - 1
Veronica Breaks In - 1
Veronica Tases Someone - 0
Mac Hacks - 0
Who's Your Daddy? - 0
Wallace Does Veronica a Favor - 0
Logan Does Veronica a Favor - 1
Veronica Wants a Pony - 0
Logan Punches Someone - 1
Dick's Single Entendres - 0
Veronica’s Single Entendres - 1 (“You know what they say about small packages.” “That you’ve got one?”)
Shenanigans Called - 0
VERONICA WAS RIGHT - 0
VERONICA WAS WRONG - 0

Tuesday, July 30, 2019

Hu Done It?



Episode 4.1: Spring Break Forever. Original Airdate: 7.19.19


"Panic spreads through Neptune when a bomb goes off during spring break. Veronica and Keith are hired by the wealthy family of one victim injured in the bombings to find out who is responsible." 


Note: We apologize for the late start.  We thought we planned this perfectly, but Hulu pulled a fast one!  
Note #2: Something about spoilers and lack thereof. 


Zelda's Thoughts:

  • HERE. WE. GO.
  • “Then after a decade away, I decided Neptune needed me. And I needed it. I was wrong on both counts. Neptune didn’t need another private investigator. It needed an enema.” Uh oh.
  • Listen, so long as she doesn’t try to run for Sheriff, I'm sure we'll all be fine, right? Right?
  • The Maloof Case? That’s a … what’s that?
  • So far, I like that the season is clearly setting itself up to be a long arc, like season one was. TV’s changed a lot since VM first aired, and serialized stories (thanks to bingeing) are much more common than before.
  • Holy heck, a crane shot. They got moneyyyyyyyys.
  • Aw these writers are such dolls. Veronica isn’t getting buzzed through to visit her client, so they give us our first stat of the season: Veronica breaks in.
  • Also she’s already cuddling up the guard dog.
  • Ooooh Veronica smash.
  • Veronica’s first client Karsyn seems a bad enough actor that I’m wondering if she’s a stunt cast. (Nope, Internet tells me she's real. I guess I just don't like her delivery?)
  • “You’re saying there’s nothing I can do?” // “I didn’t say that. I never say that.”
  • Oh hey new cover of the theme song!
  • Omg they finally got around our Roll Call/Absent tracker! There are only three regular cast members: Veronica, Keith, and Logan. All right then. Guess we can delete that tracker ...
  • Wow naked dude butt.
  • V’s face when her client complains that her ex only wanted to pay her 90k a month in alimony. My face too, booboo. So she ups her fee from 300 a day to 300 an hour.
  • Keith’s got a cane. I guess he hasn't bounced back from the car accident fully yet.
  • “Holy cuss.” Keith and V have a bet to see who can go the longest without saying fuck, and I’m cackling at this workaround since it’s no longer a high school show, but also they don’t want to leap headfirst into Rated R territory, I assume. Then again, see above re: naked dude butt.
  • Uh oh. Keith is having brain freeze with his client. And the time he takes to recover from that moment … I am worried. DON’T TAKE AWAY PAPA MARS.
  • “Who else is gonna keep paying for those safaris where you and your big-shot friends hunt the most dangerous game of all: the homeless.” – Veronica
  • “How I made that is between me and my maker.” // “I’m your maker!”
  • “What’s a tape deck.” Pshhhhhh V you’re around my age. I had a tape deck.
  • PONY. WHO IS PONY.
  • Also Logan is a series regular but he’s not in this episode? I’m cackling.
  • Neptune United for a Tiny Town. Wow wow wow.
  • HI PONY.
  • Daniel and I weren’t able to watch this episode together but I’m assuming he was very excited about our new doggo.
  • Oh nm, Logan’s surprise home after all.
  • V in her leather jacket and black and white striped shirt is not blending with the brightly-if-scantily-clad spring break partiers.
  • Snort. V and Logan flirting/propositioning in front of two unsuspecting random chicks who were checking him out.
I accept the eye candy.

  • Aw, they gave us an old fashioned spin while the two make out.
  • Wow no cursing but so much sexing.
  • Wait what. Logan casually proposes and V brushes it off. OH BUT THERE IS A RING.
  • Oh damn but he’s ready to propose for real and she stops him. She’s using their parents' divorces, the broken couples she works for, as excuses, and she leaves.
  • Okay, we found our relationship angst of the season.
  • ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME, BIG DICK CASABLANCAS IS LEADING THE NUTTs ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS.
  • Okay so he wants to Make Neptune Great Again
  • “Logan’s back.” “Logan’s back?” “And he asked me to marry him.” “What an asshole.”
  • Yayyyyyy it’s that awesome chick from The Good Place! Her shirt says Get Your Duck Wet and I love her a super high amount already.
  • Hmmm unseen girl pouring shots into open mouths. I’m assuming the fact that we didn’t see her face means she’ll end up being a person of interest.
  • Oh look, a girl is passed out and a guy is taking advantage.
  • But Nicole (aka Kirby Howell-Baptiste from The Good Place) is OFFICIALLY OUR NEW BEST FRIEND because unlike everyone who saw and ignored what happened to Veronica at Shelly Pomeroy’s party, Nicole won’t let it happen, and puts the harrassers on the 86 list (while also socking them because hero).
  • Aw Keith and his massive box of organized meds and his PT. And his barely-paying-attention physical therapist. Wow what a dick.


  • “Are you cussing with me?” // “Don’t you cussing point at me.” I love me my Marses. But is Keith gonna tell Veronica the truth? Nope. NOW I AM MAD AT HALF OF MY MARSES. (though it's clear V knows he's keeping something back from her)
  • V calls out Keith for taking jobs that can’t sustain the business, Keith points out that V has a law degree she’s not using. And we avoid.
  • Wow random law student spring breaker trying to steal someone’s pizza, but PATTON OSWALT THE PIZZA MAN WILL NOT FALL FOR IT. And he’s working for Cho’s Pizza, which is a nice callback.
  • Gosh the 6 in 26 is broken and reads as 29. I wonder if that will be significant.
  • IT’S WEIRD NOT KNOWING WHAT WILL HAPPEN SO I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS AN ACTUAL CLUE.
  • It's also weird/frustrating knowing that most VM fans have already binged the season and are therefore reading our blog with more knowledge than us. I feel like Mark Oshiro.
  • Oh wait law student spring breaker is the douche that Nicole Malloy stopped from assaulting the unconscious girl. So many people in this motel lobby are garbage.
  • And the garbage go boom.
  • Well, shit, the motel proprietor dad wasn’t garbage. But ugh.
  • The four dead: Sullivan Ross (motel dad), Gabriel Flores (one of our new nerd crew, whom Keith identifies as a Mexican national going to Cal Tech, so I assume there will be some connection to the two guys in the car in Mexico who shot third guy who was in the trunk), James Hatfield (law student douche), and Tawny Carr (the fiancée of Alex Maloof, which I guess is why V called this the Maloof Case? He must be who hires the Marses).
  • WALLACE HI WALLACE.
  • WALLACE HAS AN ADORABLE BABY NAMED NOAH.
  • And a hot lawyer wife.
  • It’s actually nice to see Wallace and Logan being friendly, but it shows we've missed much character development. That being said: I'd rather there be character development that I missed, than take ten years off and return to NO character development *coughGilmorecough*
  • CLIFF MY MAN doing rounds at the hospital as smooth as can be


  • Ah he’s here to see our Pizza Man Patton Oswalt, who ignores him because he’s on the phone, and the blonde who brought the makeup bag to Tawny before the bomb.
  • Hot damn, Chief of Police Langdon seems actually competent and I’m dying.
  • Ah, Alex Maloof has lost his hand. So we have four casualties and several serious injuries.
  • “Look, whenever I don’t know what to do next, I opt for suing someone.”
  • Ah and Congressman Maloof (brother to Alex) doesn’t like the Chief of Police even though she doesn’t seem like an idiot, so Cliff sends him to Mars Investigations.
  • The Maloofs are wealthy so V keeps the same rate she gave her client earlier: 300 an hour PLUS 5000 retainer.
  • Yep, down in Mexico, we reveal that Gabriel the nerd is the nephew of someone named Oscar.
  • So our organized crime player now is no longer the Fitzpatricks; we’ve got a Mexican cartel instead. Because Oscar is El Despiadado.
  • Aw shit a head in a bag interrupts a football game. Ain’t that always the way? Oh, it’s the guy who was in the car with Alonzo, our friend from Westworld.
  • Veronica claims Logan is unfazed by the marriage proposal rejection and uh. I don’t think that’s true.
  • Veronica and Keith at the crime scene, scoping the survivors of the Sea Sprite Bombing.
  • “I’d like to think I would have walked away if we didn’t need the money. Knowing what I know now? I wish I had. But there was a girl, and I started to care about the girl. And if you know anything about what I do, that’s never good.”
  • WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN. WHAT WILL HAPPEN.


Daniel’s Thoughts:


  • Wow, we’re back and sooner than expected.
  • Veronica narrates, pretty much summing up her struggle to get out of Neptune (the series), and the need to come back (the movie).
  • Apparently, there’s a “mad bomber’
  • This isn’t the first time we’ve seen or heard about spring break in Neptune.  As I recall, it was the setting of one of Rob Thomas’ Veronica Mars books.
  • And already we have our first stat: “Veronica Breaks in”.  She’s climbing over a fence.
  • Oh hey, it’s whatsherface:  Eliza Coupe as Veronica’s first client of season 4.  Veronica’s helping her figure out how her ex-husband keeps getting in.  The problem is the router – he set it up, so he knows all the passwords.  Mac could have helped with this. [Who? This show has only ever had one female regular. - The Writers]
  • Veronica’s just going around breaking stuff looking for cameras.
  • Oh man, the theme song is the same verse, different artist and style.  Female sung with a little jazz.  It’s kinda perfect.
  • So here are the listed stars: Kristen, Keith, Logan,  AND THAT’S IT.  Wow.  They finally did it.  The show only had three stars in the first three seasons.  Veronica, Keith & Logan were the only ones in every episode in season 3.  It’s about time they admitted that. Everyone else is just a guest star.  Sorry Weevil & Wallace.
  • I kind of love the end of this case.  Veronica’s helped the ex-wife get back at her husband by using ingenious gadgets and ideas and Eliza Coupe wants her to change a battery in the smoke detector….  Still treated like the help.  Is this why you came back Veronica?
  • Meanwhile, Keith is on another case…and using a cane.  Good continuity from the movie where he was in a bad car accident.
  • “Holy Cuss” – heh.
  • I love this bet between Veronica and Keith not to drop the F-bomb.  You can, though! You’re no longer on network tv.
  • And poor Keith.  It’s more than just the cane.  He seems to be having memory problems which is really worrying. 
  • And Keith is looking really old too.
  • But the banter is still alive with these two.
  • “What’s a tapedeck?” “I hate you.”
  • Hu Done It?
  • Awww, Veronica got a new dog and his name is Pony!  VERONICA FINALLY GOT A PONY.  I’m pretty sure Rob Thomas wrote that just for us.  Us and our…ten followers.


  • Veronica lives across from the beach.  Nice, except it’s right in the middle of spring break so not so nice.
  • Logan comes out of the water like a Bond Girl and dayam he looks good.


  • “I’m gonna cuss your brains out.” – I mean, it’s no ‘fork’ but still funny.


  • I’m surprised the beach bunnies didn’t recognize Logan.
  • Oh my, it’s getting steamy. No nudity, but I don’t think they could have gotten away with that on network TV.
  • Logan: “Let’s get married”
  • But Veronica doesn’t want to get married and she has good, if cliched reasons.  She leaves Logan dejected.
  • Veronica & Keith go to the town hall.  Keith fills us in on some stuff that’s been happening in Neptune.  Apparently a Real Estate tycoon has come to Neptune to try to make it better, I guess. Oh.  That tycoon is former prison inmate Dick Sr.
  • “And he asked me to marry him.”  “What an asshole”
  • And here is Kirby Howell-Baptiste – who is currently working with Kristen Bell in The Good Place which - if you're not watching already, why not?
  • She’s arguing against Dick Sr., so Veronica (and I) already like her.
Does this count for our stats?


  • I’m glad we’re spending time with these characters before we introduce the big mystery arc.  We need to catch up with them.
  • Oh man, spring break looks the worst.  Kirby is there as the owner of this bar full of shitstains.  Some drunk passed out girl is being harassed and Kirby takes care of it, punching the guy out.
  • And this den of geeks play a game to see who can get rejected the most.  Sounds fun.
  • Meanwhile in Tijuana – two guys in a car, with blood all over them. Another guy is in the trunk.
  • Wow, these guys get past the police by mentioning their boss.  Even with a guy banging in the trunk of their car.
  • The guy in the car gets shot in the desert – our first fatality of the season.
  • But what’s this got to do with the series?
  • Poor Keith is taking all the meds, and doing physical therapy with some douche trainer who is more interested in his phone. (According to IMDB, it's Jonathan Chesner who played Corny in the original series) [I TOTALLY MISSED THAT HOLY SHIT THIS SHOW - Z]
  • Veronica is setting up the camera at Hu’s Grocery store.  And then Veronica and Keith have more Cuss banter.  I can see this getting old, but so far…it hasn't.
  • Keith and Veronica are talking money.  I’m sure it has a lot to do with Keith’s injury.  He can’t do as much as he used to.  Good thing Veronica got six grand out of Eliza Coupe.
  • “You could do something with that law degree.”  Keith’s still on that…  Give it up, Keith.  Veronica is meant to be a PI.
  • Some girl is complaining to her dad about the cinnamon in the coffee.  My parents do that, and I too, complain.  It’s an old people thing:  It’s supposed to be anti-inflammatory.
  • Patton Oswalt is a pizza guy.  This guy can do anything.
  • We’re back to the den of geeks in their beach motel room.  I wonder who won their contest.
  • And some ‘bros’ talking law.  Ugh.  One of em is the guy who was harassing the drunk girl the previous night.  You can tell because of the shiner.
  • All these people we’ve met are conveniently in the motel office…  Along with one of the girls we met last night that rejected the geek who….is also there.
  • And this rich asshole, a congressman’s brother, with his girlfriend who want to leave the motel to go to the Neptune Grande and are asking for their money back.
  • I wonder what’s going to happen.  I have to admit, though, even though I can see it coming, they’re setting it up spectacularly.  I mean, we did have that opening where Veronica was taking pictures of this place – so it wouldn’t be a complete surprise anyway.
  • At least they made an excuse to get the kid out of there.   But as soon as Patton Oswalt leaves, KABOOM. – 4 Dead.
  • Hey, it’s Wallace!  Wallace has a nice house.  AND HE HAS A KID.  Noah is less than a year old, so he didn’t have him during the movie.
  • His wife, Shae, is unknown to me so we didn’t see her in the movie.  She seems to be a lawyer – but that’s all we learn about her.  She does mention Wallace’s mom which is cool.  I wonder if we’ll ever see Wallace’s grown up brother.
  • Veronica is trying to use Logan as an excuse to leave, which is weird.  But he wants to stay.  Logan and Wallace have grown up.
  • Cliff!!!  He’s hilariously trolling the hospital looking for clients.
  • There’s Patton Oswalt.  He made it through the KABOOM, but is hurt.
  • Hey, it’s Dawnn Lewis as a cop in Neptune. She says she’s the new chief of police.  Has that position replaced the sheriff?
  • The congressman, whose brother is in the hospital, is approached by Cliff.  He, of course, has a suggestion of some private investigators they can hire.
  • Mars Investigations is looking more like the old tv series than what it looked like in the movie.
  • The congressman is happy to throw some money at the Marses.  Keith is wary of taking the case but Veronica encourages him – and also makes sure the Maloofs know their expensive quotes.
  • Ok, we’re back in Mexico for some reason.  And we meet the big boss.  I’m assuming these are the new Fitzpatricks.  As if we needed new Fitzpatricks.  “El Despiadado” is what they call him, which translates to “The Merciless”.  Oooh.
  • Holy crap.  While the kids are playing ‘football’, someone throws a head over the wall.
  • So this is how it’s all connected.  One of the victim’s in the blast was El Despiadado’s ex-wife’s nephew.  So now these guys are headed to Neptune.

Favorite Lines:

Zelda: “Who else is gonna keep paying for those safaris where you and your big-shot friends hunt the most dangerous game of all: the homeless.” - Veronica
Daniel: "What's a tape deck?" "I hate you" - Veronica/Keith



Arc/Continuity:

Neptune Roll Call: Only Veronica, Keith & Logan are in the opening c
redits
First Appearance: Alonzo Lozano, Nicole Malloy, Dodie Mendoza, Daniel Maloof, Marcia Langdon, Penn Epner, Matty Ross, Amalia Maloof, Alex Maloof, Simon, Loyd, Mayor Mark Dobbins, Craig, Andy, Bob Sargent, Shae Fennel, Noah Fennel
Recurring: Cho's Pizza, Wallace Fennel, Cliff McCormack, Richard Casablancas Sr. 
Generally Known TV Face: Eliza Coupe, Mark L. Young, Rudy Martinez, Francois Chau, Brad Morris, Clifton Collins Jr.
Already Famous: Patton Oswalt, Alanna Ubach
Fun Fact:  The physical therapist is played by Jonathan Chesner who was Corny in the regular series. [I'm willing to consider this a recurring appearance until proven otherwise - Z]

Stats:

Dead Humans - 5
The bombing victims
Pony Sighting - 1
Veronica Breaks In - 1
Veronica Tases Someone - 0
Who's Your Daddy? - 0
Wallace Does Veronica a Favor - 0
Veronica Wants a Pony - VERONICA HAS A PONY
Logan Punches Someone - 0
Dick's Single Entendres – 0
Shenanigans Called - 0
VERONICA WAS RIGHT - 0
VERONICA WAS WRONG - 0