PLEASE NOTE: THIS IS A SPOILER-RICH ZONE. If your diet requires you to dine on Buffy Spoiler-free ... good luck with that.

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

I'm Cookie Dough

Episode 7.22: Chosen. Original Airdate 5.20.03

"After killing Caleb, Buffy conceives a plan to defeat the First once and for all. Willow invokes a magic spell that alters the ancient Slayer spell and gives Buffy the allies she needs to fight the Uber-Vamp army. An epic battle ensues and several good friends are lost. At the end, Buffy faces a completely new problem - one she's glad to have."

Zelda's Thoughts: 

  • it's the finale you guys. no more Buffies
  • "Okay, how many times do I have to kill you? Ballpark figure?" srsly tho
  • wow she just
  • she bisected him
  • fuck you, misogynist.
  • "It's not for you." // "Splainy?" heeee
  • "Is he your boyfriend?" .. "Is that your business?" YEAH, ANGEL, IN LOVE WITH COMA-CORDELIA, IS IT YOUR BUSINESS?
  • though DB always was good at being petty. "You know, I started it - the whole having-a-soul - before it was all the cool new thing."
  • Captain Peroxide is Riley's diss on Spike, not Angel's. Have Riley and Angel been hanging out?
  • I do very much like the cookie dough speech, mostly because it's pointing out that the show's never been about which guy Buffy ends up with. Sure, that's what fans get up in arms over (Daniel and I certainly fight about it), but it's not what the show's about. Buffy doesn't have to decide, at the age of 22, whom she wants to go off into the sunset with for the rest of her life. She's still becoming Buffy. If a show is going to be about female empowerment, it can't also be about which guy is laying claim to her.
  • *kick* // "Ow." // "Dumbass." // "Don't look at me, this is a Summers' thing, it's all very violent." // "If you get killed, I'm telling."

  • I use that one a lot.
  • "I also used my enhanced vampire eyeballs."
  • Hahaha so this picture?
Daniel made a birthday card for me with it on it. It's the best and I keep it on my fridge.

  • my shipppppppppppppppppppppppppp LOOK AT THEM hahaha I didn't even wait too long after my female empowerment paragraph, did I? 

  • ahhh I remember when this episode aired, and Spike's "drowning in footwear" dream was immediately interpreted as a Shanshu allusion.
  • how come Spike's not in the cabinet meeting? It's all the core Scoobies plus Faith, but no Spike. Also no Wood?
  • Sooooooo there's a question I have. Buffy goes "so here's the part where you make a choice." And I guess that choice is whether or not to go into the Hellmouth with everyone else, but ... they don't get a choice about having their Slayer selves activated. Willow's spell affects everyone with the Slayer potential, at any age. It's beautiful, but they don't have any more choice in the matter than Buffy did.
  • "Oh please, I am so much prettier than you are." Robin Wood, you are not wrong.
  • Ah, this is the speech where Joss tries to convince us to stop hating Kennedy. Didn't work.
  • I think it's adorable that Andrew is helping distract people before the battle with a bit of D&D. And that Amanda knows what she's doing.
  • "I used to be a highly respected Watcher, and now I'm a wounded dwarf with the mystical strength of a doily." This almost made the cut for my favorite line. There were far too many contenders.
  • FINAL BATTLE TIME LET'S GO. "Welcome to Sunnydale High. There's no running in the halls, no yelling, no gum chewing. Apart from that, there's only one rule: if they move, kill them."
  • "There's some people I'd like to thank, both good and evil."
  • Fan service time! When the four of them stood in a circle, we all knew somehow what would happen and it did and I love them. The earth is definitely doomed.
  • There's a lot about this episode that is really quite beautiful, even if the season preceding it was not satisfying. The walk down the hall, each Scooby peeling off to their station. The Potentials standing in a circle over the seal.
  • Oh look, it's All The Turok-Hans.
  • Is Spike having PTSD from when he was tortured? He looks particularly horrified.
  • Oh. My. Goddess.
  • "What if you could have that power, now? In every generation, one Slayer is born ... because a bunch of men who died thousands of years ago made up that rule. They were powerful men. This woman is more powerful than all of them combined. So I say we change that rule. I say my power should be our power. Tomorrow, Willow will use the essence of the scythe to change our destiny. From now on, every girl in the world who might be a Slayer WILL be a Slayer. Every girl who could have the power, will have the power. Can stand up, will stand up. Slayers, every one of us. Make your choice. Are you ready to be strong?"
  • The girls' faces as they feel the power infuse in them.
  • Willow, glowing with the not-evil magic.
  • "I have swimmer's ear!"
  • Aw shit Buffy got gut stabbed
  • "Hold the line."
  • And it's such a beautiful gesture. The scythe isn't just Buffy's now. It's Faith's. It's Rona's.
  • (it's not Amanda's, she just died. RIP Amanda)
  • "I want you to get out of my face."
  • "Oh Bollocks." Guys, I think Spike's Liz Taylor neckware is working.
  • Andrew's plaintive "why" when he's not dead but he knows Anya is.
  • Man, this school was brand new and it's already collapsing.
  • "I love you." "No you don't. But thanks for saying it."
  • "I want to see how it ends." I wish I wish I wish they hadn't been so damn proud to have signed JM for Angel. I wish I hadn't known that any death wouldn't be permanent. It meant I was never able to quite invest in his sacrifice, even as we see his skull turn to ash.
  • I'm impressed that a school bus has the horsepower to escape the cratering of Sunnydale. I didn't think they could move that quickly. You know, safety and all.
  • RIP, Welcome to Sunnydale sign. well, and Sunnydale.
  • Andrew, telling a lie (he didn't see Anya fall) to help the mythology of her death, to make Xander feel a bit better.
  • "Yeah, Buffy, what are we gonna do now?"
  • okay but her smile is so beautiful and I'm having feelings and I HAVE SO MANY ISSUES WITH SEASON SEVEN but god that was a beautiful final shot.
  • we finished Buffy, you guys. what are we gonna do now?

Daniel's Thoughts:

  • Buffy: “You have to leave LA”.  It’s ok, Buffy, the crappy season of Angel is over.
  • Oh hey, Caleb is not dead. GASP.
  • Sliced up the middle, Caleb is.  Won’t be the last one this episode.
  • Buffy, “He had to split.” Haaaaaaaa.  Oh Buffy with the dad jokes.
  • Angel: “I’m getting the brushoff for Captain Peroxide”
  • Buffy referenced another WB show! (Dawson).  Is that allowed?  And is it allowed more or less now they’re on CW.
  • Oh, the oft made-fun of cookie dough metaphor. But also, they made t-shirts.  It’s also going on a bit long.  Buffy’s not good with the metaphors.
  • I’m still not sure why Buffy doesn’t want Angel in this fight.  I mean he’s there and he’s a big asset.  It has more to do with Joss/the network/powers that be not wanting Angel to take over when this is Buffy’s show which I totally get.
  • I love Dawn kicking Buffy.  It’s so cute. 

  • Xander, “Sometimes I shouldn’t say words.”  Seven seasons and you’re finally figuring it out?
  • But seriously, Spike’s drawing of Angel is fantastic.
  • Aww, yay, Giles and Buffy are making up.
  • Final Buffy inspirational speech.
  • I seriously wouldn’t mind the Faith/Wood show.
  • Awww.  Earlier when Xander said something stupid, Anya rubbed his hair.  Now that Anya’s asleep, Xander lovingly rubs her hair.  It’s adorbs.
  • So many things wrong in this final battle.
  • Why couldn’t Willow do her thing before the fight started?  That’s one.
  • Teams of two.  Great – but why is Anya with Andrew?  Arguably the two weakest fighters.  (Let's face it, Anya's not a great fighter when she's not a demon and she's not going to get the slayer strength the other girls will get.) Couldn’t Anya drive the bus?  [OMG IT COULD HAVE FULFILLED THE SCENE FROM RESTLESS! MISSED OPPORTUNITY. - Z] Really, Buffy could have thought of other jobs for Anya & yes, even Andrew.
  • “The Earth is definitely doomed.” Aww.
  • See, Anya knows a bit of magic and has helped Willow before.  She could have helped, while Kennedy, one of the stronger potentials, could actually fight.  Also, Anya would def kill dark Willow if it came to that. (Or hold her off, somehow.  It would have been a nice ending to their turbulent relationship)
  • “as long as Willow’s spell has time to work before…”  Again, why didn’t they do it earlier? 
  • Love this montage of women and girls all over the world getting their slayer strength.
  • I’m glad Willow’s hair didn’t stay white.
  • Now go help, Willow, with your magics.  Ball of sunshine or something…anything.
  • Vi really kills a lot of them.
  • “I just figured you would be terrified and I would be sarcastic about it.”
  • The thing is….They set this up terribly.  They’re killing these vamps too easily.  Anya and Giles and everyone -  when it took them two episodes to kill one.
  • The first time Anya got sliced, I completely missed it.  It happens so fast.  I really hate that.  She deserves better than what she got, how she was always treated.
  • And I know that's the point. The whole, quick pointless deaths happen in battle point. Stop telling me that's the point. It's the wrong point.
  • Anya just gets sliced in half while Spike gets a hero’s death.  A death while killing all the vampires.  And he’s not even dead as we know he’s on Angel’s next season.
  • Well.  Anya’s in the dimension with no shrimp, now.  
  • I don't know if I've shared this in the past but I love this.  Here's my dedication (that I totally didn't make) to Anya:
(credit to michaelvm92 of youtube. Singer: Yael Naim)

  • I sure hope everyone made it out of Sunnydale! 
  • Andrew: “Why didn’t I die?”  Audience: “We have no idea.”
  • Kind of a really cool effect to see the whole town go into a pit.  Although, I didn’t see an airport, or a beach, or….a Starbucks...
  • And this is the worst part.  Xander’s reaction to Andrew telling him about Anya,  “That’s my girl.  Always doing the stupid thing.”  FUCK YOU XANDER.  It just seems so disingenuous.  It’s partly the delivery, it's mostly the delivery.
  • I mean we don’t get to mourn her death and it sucks.  He’s the only one that asks about her.  She was one of them, one of the scoobies.  Where is everyone’s concern?  There’s no time for it and that’s part of the problem. 
  • Xander mentions Starbucks.  It was in the mall the whole time.
  • So how did they beat The First exactly?  All the uber vamps are gone, ok…but.  Eh, never mind.

Favorite Lines:
Zelda: I can't choose between "Are you ready to be strong?" and "The earth is definitely doomed."
Daniel: "I just figured you'd be terrified and I'd be sarcastic about it." -Anya

Arc/Continuity Stuff:

  • Recurring: Angel, Caleb, The First (as Buffy, Caleb), Giles, Faith, Wood, Potentials SLAYERS (Kennedy, Rona, Vi, Amanda, et al), Andrew, Turok-Hans, Anya's bunny fear, Bringers
  • Shoutout to when The First came for Angel in Amends
  • literal shoutout to Tucker in Andrew's speech
  • Shoutout to the Cleveland Hellmouth (from The Wish)
Anya's Hair - blonde, loopy curls
Dead Humans - 3
Dead Undeads - 25 (and then we lose count when the amulet activates)
Dead Flashbacks - 0
Dead Potentials - 2
Giles Unconscious - 0
Giles Cleans His Glasses - 0 
Buffy Breaks a Door - 0
Buffy Breaks a Sunnydale - 1
Evil Reveal - 0
Unevil Reveal - 0
Shenanigans Called - 0
Apocalypse Called - 0

HEY MARSHMALLOWS...!  We'll have our series recap next week before we take a bus from Sunnydale to Neptune and delve into Veronica Mars recaps.  Stay tuned!

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Mortally Wounded Easter Baskets

Episode 7.21: End of Days. Original Airdate 5.13.03

"Buffy has a powerful new weapon, but the gang cannot find any information about the origins of the mysterious scythe. Eventually the Slayer herself goes in search of knowledge, and finds a new ally, an old friend, and great danger."

Daniel's Thoughts:

  • Caleb; “The question is, can you pry it from solid rock before I-“  *buffy grabs the sythe from solid rock.*
  • She’s like King Arthur! Yes! I love how powerful Buffy is.
  • This is the first time we see Caleb look scared and it’s amazing.
  • Hey Andrew looted. Which makes him one of the only people doing his part to feed everyone.
  • And Buffy’s back to save the day!
  • OK, so all is forgiven.  I guess. 
  • Why does skinny Minnie keep saying “we were punished.” Punished for what?  Kicking Buffy out?  But more importantly, punished by who?
  • Willow gets her computer out to find out about the scythe.   What is she going to google….ancient scythes”?
  • “Trying to talk will just kill you sooner”
  • Aww, Anya is so cute.
  • I like Giles and Willow working together.  It’s not just the magic that made them close, but their thirst for knowledge.
  • Miss Kitty Fantastico mention….except we find out that Dawn killed her…   aww.
  • Ugh, it’s such a really crappy way to take Dawn out of the picture….I mean, chloroforming? Just the image of a man chloroforming a young girl…  we know it’s for a good reason but…  They could have thought of something else?
  • “Good thing we’re hot chicks with Super Powers”  - Faith
  • “You are the perfect woman.” “I’ve often thought so.” 
  • They’re dressing Anya like an old woman again.
  • This whole conversation between Andrew and Anya about possibly surviving is so troll-y. The writers KNOW.  They KNOW.
  • Weird ghost lady who is not a ghost: I’ve been here the whoooole timmmme.
  • Production meeting: “Where does she get the taser?”  “On her.”  “Works for me.”
  • It’s Angel!  Dun dun dun!
  • Look how thick his neck is!
  • “God, I miss watching this.” Awww!  It's one of my favorite things about Buffy's suitors....and yes, I mean all of them, no matter how you feel about Angel, Riley, and/or Spike - they all look at her with awe when she does what she does best.
  • But not Parker.  Fuck that guy.
  • Yayyy, Caleb’s…..dead?

Zelda's Thoughts:

  • Oh god I love so much when she just removes the scythe from rock like it was buttah. Very King Arthur.
  • and then Nathan Fillion reminds me why he's delightful. "Darn."
  • hey remember when Buffy was like hey I think Caleb's hiding a toy in the vineyard and not only was she right, but the toy helps them avert the apocalypse? remember?
  • "Faith go boom." oops
  • we can't tell if the unconscious and unnamed Potentials are corpsified or just unconscious. [update: our argument, which consisted of Daniel saying "those are corpses" and me saying "maybe they're sleeping" has been solved with a glance at the shooting script. Daniel wins]
  • Oh shit son. More than one Uber-vamp
  • "I think we got punished." See see see. Buffy doesn't let them do that. It was a trap. It wasn't punishment for betraying Buffy. Not once does Buffy hold any of them accountable for their shittiness for her. The mission is what matters.
  • "The good guys are not traditionally known for their communication skills." I think that's the closest we get to any words of apology or forgiveness.
  • "Trying to talk will just kill you sooner." Oh Anya.
  • I do think it's adorable that the writers noticed Emma Caulfield's and Tom Lenk's adorable chemistry and wrote them wacky adventures.
  • Buffy and Xander are wearing matching denim jackets. 

  • (for the record, this picture came up earlier than an actual picture of our Scoobies when I did an image search)
  • Buffy's return also brings the return of Buffy trusting and validating the rest of the Scoobies. "You're my strength, Xander."
  • And also the return of cute banter. "Also, you can't shoot a bow and arrow anymore, and every time you pick up a sword, I worry that you're gonna break one of our good lamps." // "Hey!" // "Don't look at me, you're the one who said I'm gonna die." // "I never said you were gonna die. I implied that you were gonna die. It's totally different." // "Yeah, okay, sure." // "Besides, if you die, I'll just bring you back to life. That's what I do."
  • Giles keeps taking off his glasses and putting them back on but not cleaning them and I feel personally taunted.
  • It's lucky how this sudden pagan temple is local to the Hellmouth.
  • "It's old. It's strong and it feels like - like it's mine ... I guess that means it's yours." Hoo boy poor Faith.
  • "Everybody's looking to me, trusting me to lead them, and I've never felt so alone in my entire life ... and that's you every day, isn't it?" // "I love my friends. I'm very grateful for them. But that's the price. Being a Slayer."
  • "You're a dope and a bonehead and you're shirty." // "Have you gone completely carrot top?" [What's with the dadaism, Red? - Spike]
  • oooh more good Spuffy speeching for meeeeeeeee. "Were you there with me?" // "I was." // "What does that mean?"
  • I'd like Andrew's arc of deciding to fight the good fight more it if weren't also intrinsically wrapped up in by-the-way-Anya-dies-ness
  • oh look a tomb on unconsecrated grounds that Buffy - who's been patrolling the graveyards for seven years - has only just noticed. oh look
  • Is Sunnydale secretly a Tardis?
  • The sudden addendum to the mythology is random and weird and shoehorned in, BUT at the same time I do like that there's been another group watching over the Slayer line, a non-patriarchal group. "We forged it in secrecy and kept it hidden from the Shadow Men ... and they became the Watchers, and the Watchers watched the Slayers, but we were watching them ... Guardians."
  • "And then there were men here, and then there were monks. And then there was a town. And now there was you."
  • "We're the last surprise," says the woman about to get her neck snapped and then also Angel's gonna show up and then Spike's gonna spoiler even though it's already been announced that James Marsters is joining the cast of Angel oops.
  • Buffy sending Dawn away under care of Xander is a nice reversal of what she told Giles earlier this season, that she'd be willing to let Dawn die this time, even when she wouldn't, two years ago. Perhaps the loss at the first fight at the vineyard reminded her what she's not actually willing to lose.
  • Okay it's all delightful that Dawn tasers Xander and drives the car back but SHENANIGANS on how she's able to do that while he's still in the driver's seat.
  • gasp it's Angel. hi Angel
  • soooooooo we're going to ignore Angel's context on his own show, right? how he just killed his son in order to save him, while also losing his new True Love, Cordelia, to a coma, to say nothing of signing over to work for Wolfram & Hart? we're just gonna ... yeah we're just gonna ignore that. this Angel exists in a void, here only for the Bangel of it all.
  • yeah cuz they're kissing. Cordelia who?
  • I'm also a little irate that the ep ends with The First whispering "that bitch" to a watching Spike, as if we're supposed to believe this is how they get him to turn on Buffy. Just ... stop wasting our time with completely unbelievable red herrings, 'kay? We're almost done here.


Z: What should we choose for our cover photo?
D: Angel and Buffy kissing, of course.
Z: ... don't make me insist we do Spike for our finale picture.
D: okay, okay ...

Favorite Lines:

Daniel: "And they have no purpose that unites them, so they just drift around, blundering through life until they die, which they-they know is coming, yet every single one of them is surprised when it happens to them. They're incapable of thinking about what they want beyond the moment. They kill each other, which is clearly insane... and yet here's the thing. When it's something that really matters, they fight. I mean, they're lame morons for fighting, but they do! They never... they never quit. So I guess I'll keep fighting too." - Anya
Zelda: "We'll go be heroes." - Spike (shut up, I read the whole Spuffy scene and loved it but couldn't pick a particular line, so I went with the conclusion)

Arc/Continuity Stuff:

  • Recurring: fancy scythe, Caleb, The First (as Buffy), Potentials (Amanda, Caridad, Vi, Kennedy, et al), Faith, Turok-hans, Andrew, Angel
  • we finally find out what happened to Miss Kitty Fantastico, and it ain't pretty. Rest in peace, Miss Kitty.
  • Shoutout to when Anya skipped town for the "Graduation Day" apocalypse

Anya's Hair - blonde, curly
Dead Humans - 4
Dead Undeads - 4 (we're not counting Caleb yet because we know the future)
Dead Flashbacks - 0
Dead Potentials - 4
Giles Unconscious - 0
Giles Cleans His Glasses - 0
Buffy Breaks a Door - 0
Caleb Breaks a Wine Cask - 1
Evil Reveal - 0
Unevil Reveal - 0
Shenanigans Called - 1
Apocalypse Called - 0

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

What the Bananas?

Episode 7.20: Touched. Original Airdate 5.6.03

"Faith and the Potentials search underground for a weapon, whilst Buffy confronts Caleb at the vineyard."

Zelda's Thoughts: 

  • oh look. oh look. the gang is already in complete chaotic disarray. Buffy's been gone three minutes?
  • "We're wasting time arguing about how to argue."
  • aw baby Felicia Day. "Please do not mention parliamentary procedure."
  • depressed Buffy is depressed. "This is not your house. It's not your town. Not anymore."
  • I like the style of the shaky hand held camera now the steady leader's out of the picture.
  • Kennedy's so pissed she doesn't get to be HBIC. too damn bad, kid. you don't know how to lead yet.
  • "THERE'S A TRANSLATION OF IT?" (sigh, can't find a gif) You know what, I still don't love MT, but I love Dawn's growth so much this season (except for last ep), and how she's clearly and adorably on the Watcher Path. It's great.
  • "He's a bit of fresh air, isn't he? Thank god I don't breathe."
  • "You sad, sad ungrateful traitors. Who do you think you are? ... You're her friends and you betray her like this?" Not everything Spike is saying is right, but this wake up call for the team is necessary. "She has saved your lives again and again. She's died for you."
  • enhance vampire nostrils
  • I do like this scene, of Andrew speaking for the Bringer. It's creepy and awesome. "We exterminate girls and destroy the legacy of the Slayer."
  • "WHAT THE BANANAS. You are so lucky that you did not just magically decapitate me."
  • Shenanigans. We saw Spike's entire interaction within the Summers house and not once did they tell him the nature of Buffy's plan against which they rebelled. He has no way of knowing she thought there was something in the Vineyard and wanted to go back. I do love the speech he's got coming up, but come on, lazy writers.
  • "Hey hey hey hey hey, language! You're a leader now."
  • The way Buffy's face lifts when Spike says he hit Faith. When will these kids work out their tried-to-kill-each-other differences?
  • "Casualties. It just sounds so ... casual. These are girls that I got killed. I knew I was gonna lose some of them ..."
  • haters gonna hate, I love Spike's speech. (don't worry, I've got the bulk of it below in Favorite Lines)
  • "I don't wanna be the one." The small broken voice she uses. It reminds me of "Prophecy Girl." "Does it say how he's gonna kill me? Do you think it'll hurt?"
  • "Will you just hold me?" MY SHIPPER HEART.

  • The First is a jerkface. But I still love Harry Groener. "Nobody will ever love you. Not the way I love you."
  • "He was like an old boss of mine." NO HE WAS HER FATHER FIGURE. Like. I know they were both villains at the time. But. I still loved Faith's relationship with the Mayor so much. The love there. The performances from both actors.
  • Wood has chemistry with everyone because DB Woodside is the best, but I'm glad the show took advantage of his chemistry with Faith :)
  • meanwhile blah blah blah Kennedy
  • tiiiiiiiime for a montaaaaaaaaaaaaaaage. a everyone has sex and Spuffy just stare meaningfully into each others' eyes montage
  • quippy Buffy's back! "Hey, heard you got something of mine."
  • oh look it's the Matrix moment. everything from the 2000s has to have a Matrix slow mo wavy arm deflection thingamajig. (WHY ARE THERE NO GIFS)
  • Caleb, to The First (while fighting Buffy): "Do you have to look like that? Cuz it's just a little confusing."  Yes but it's also way cheaper to just have SMG play the First.
  • It's officially too dark for us to tell if people are dying in the arsenal fight. We think three Bringers, but ...
  • I do like the parallel filming of Buffy and Faith both going to uncover what they think's being kept from them. Buffy finds the pretty scythe, Faith finds the oops bomb
  • aaaaaaah and the countdown keeps going into the blackout screen WHAT WILL HAPPEN

Daniel's Thoughts:

  • So I realized while watching this episode that this is the first watch-thru where I have my new tattooooo. So I wanted to share with y'all:

  • So, we start exactly where we left off, yet Anya’s hair has completely curled
  • Anya and Willow, regretting their dialogue from last episode, are completely sad-faced.
  • Oops, someone forgot to pay the power bill.  Nope, just the power company leaving Sunnydale?
  • Yep, pack up people.  Get out of town before the biggest sinkhole ever.
  • TAB?   WHO DRINKS TAB in 2003??
  • Hey. Buffy’s cold is gone.
  • Also, Faith telling Kennedy to shut up is wonderful.  She needs to do the same for Rona.
  • Hey, Spike’s back just in time to be the only good guy voice of reason. Great.
  • Hey, now we’re shitting on Rupert again.  Six seasons of awesome Giles means nothing.  Let’s just completely eviscerate his character.
  • “Did you know I could just walk in here?”  Heh, contrivance, but also kinda cool.  The town is in turmoil.  The owner of the house has left...he has no right to it anymore.
  • Aww, Faith’s trying to be all leader-y. It’s good of Giles to give her encouragement.
  • Hey! The Mayor First.   Walk, away, Faith! You know it’s not him!
  • Hey! Spike’s threatening murder! With his soul!
  • Are Spike & Buffy still talking? I fell asleep for a sec.
  • Seriously, this scene is taking forever.  I’ll recap the entire scene for you:

Buffy: I feel bad and everyone hates me.
Spike: You’re awesome and I’m the only one who will tell you that because I’m awesome and the writers apparently hate everyone else.

  • So if the First was listening to Faith/Giles talk before, does that mean, he knows their plan?  I mean it doesn’t even need to show itself; it can just listen in the shadows whenever it wants.
  • Omg, Wood is the best. His facial expressions and comedy are on point.
  • Faith/Wood.  I totally ship it.  And I love how Faith is on top.
  • Hey everyone’s having sex!  It’s great that two couples have been able to find a room in a house literally filled with girls. 
  • I mean, I like that Willow’s getting what she needs sexually, but they’re making Kennedy seem like more than that.  And she really shouldn’t be. Because she's not.
  • Hey, Anya & Xander found a place to be alone too.  Yay couple #3 having sex!
  • Wow, I mean, I do have to say, it’s pretty remarkable what they’re showing on network tv in 2003.  A couple of years earlier, they were afraid to show two women kiss. (granted, it was another network) – and now they’re showing Kennedy lick up Willows body.
  • So now Buffy’s joined the Matrix.
  • Buffy and Caleb are destroying the winery. Ugh, what a waste of wine.
  • Ooooh, the scytheeeeee 
Favorite Lines:
Zelda: "I've been alive a bit longer than you, and dead a lot longer than that ... A hundred plus years, and there's only one thing I've ever been sure of - you ... I'm not asking you for anything. When I say 'I love you,' it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity what you are. You're a hell of a woman." - Spike. DEAL WITH IT.
Daniel: "We're all on death's door repeatedly ringing the doorbell like maniacal girl scouts trying to make quota." -Anya

Arc/Continuity Stuff:

  • Recurring: Giles, Potentials (Kennedy, Amanda, Vi, Caridad, et al), Faith, Wood, Andrew, Bringers, Caleb, The First (as Buffy, Mayor Richard Wilkins III)

Anya's Hair - blonde, messy middle cut, suddenly and inexplicably curly
Dead Humans - 0
Dead Undeads - 3
Dead Flashbacks - 0
Dead Potentials - 0
Giles Unconscious - 0
Giles Cleans His Glasses - 0
Buffy Breaks a Door - 1 (about time)
Evil Reveal - 0
Unevil Reveal - 0
Shenanigans Called - 1
Apocalypse Called - 0

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Everyone Sucks But Buffy

Episode 7.19: Empty Places. Original Airdate 4.29.03

"After their horrifying loss at the vineyard, the gang turn against Buffy and begin to follow Faith instead. Meanwhile, Spike and Andrew travel to an old church to question a priest about Caleb."

Daniel's Thoughts:

  • I think one of the reasons we had such a big hiatus is because we’re both dreading this episode. [You're not wrong. - Xander]
  • Maybe I can find something I like…..maybe.
  • So, I’m not really sure why everyone in Sunnydale has decided to leave.  I know there’s a big bad apocalypse coming but….why now as opposed all the other….apocali?  Is it because Joss wanted to limit the casualties because he knew he was going to spoiler the town?
  • It’s just all so convoluted…just like everything in this episode.
  • Hey Clem!  There’s something I don’t mind about this ep.
  • SMG is so hoarse.  The show must go on.
  • Interesting….Willow’s going all Jedi on the cop. 
  • It’s a nice moment between Willow & Xander….friends til the end.  And Buffy, it seems, feels almost like a third wheel in this scene like she's always sort of had.  It crops up now and then. Also, the incredible guilt.
  • Anya’s trying to be helpful…at least.  She’s saying a lot that could have helped in the finale…but will not.  Like sunlight….where was Willow’s new sun ball spell?
  • Faith “trade you for a carton of cigarettes and some soap” heh.
  • I’m glad Nathan Fillion made up for being misogynist Caleb in other things.  He’s really good here, but it’s hard to like him.
  • I mean he’s just male Glory as far as strength and powers.  But he’s not fun like past villains.
  • I really don’t care about Andrew’s hot pocket.   Neither does Giles.
  • Andrew & Spike.  Exactly the Buffy spin-off I didn’t want to see.
  • I’m glad all the potentials packed club clothes…
  • “You sent away the one person who’s been watching my back, again.”  Really Buffy??  No one else has your back? Willow? Xander? Anya?  You can’t think of anyone else?  Sure you’re mad at Giles, but also fuck you.
  • Hey!  The First Buffy has a cold too!
  • I seriously don’t remember anything about the cops in this episode.  It’s like I'm seeing it for the first time.   But I also kinda don’t care.  
  • It is cool seeing Faith kick some major ass, though.
  • So the cops are getting hellmouthed….How convenient that none of the potentials or scoobies are…?  Or maybe Giles and Wood were getting hellmouthed last ep?
  • Ugh, everyone’s just fighting and mad at each other.  It’s one of the reasons I hate this ep.  It’s such a downer.
  • I like season 7 Faith, but for those who didn’t see Angel, they kinda missed the redemption….and even though they might have read about it, it’s a bit weird, since the last time we saw Faith, she was trying to kill Buffy.
  • They’ve finally decided to not dress Anya like an old woman.  I like her weird sweater crop top.
  • Hey, Spike speaks Latin.
  • I hate this.  I hate that everyone’s ganging up on Buffy.  I hate that Buffy is making a dumb decision for the sole reason of everyone ganging up on her.
  • “Democracies don’t win battles”.  Really?  This is something Buffy actually believes?
  • Anya, “You really think you’re better than we are.”  Why this vitriol?  It’s weird.  Buffy doesn’t think she’s better than anyone.  “It just makes you luckier.”  Luckier? Really?  And this is one of the reasons why I hate this episode.   The writers are making me hate everyone.  Even my beloved Anya.  How dare they?  It’s just all convoluted – because it doesn’t even matter in the end. This, above everything makes me so mad.  As insensitive as Anya's been in the past, this still doesn't feel like something she'd say. She's fought along Buffy for years.  She knows Buffy isn't lucky. Maybe she's scared because Xander lost an eye...but then make it about that.  Let's see that.
  • And then why make Dawn say this:  “You can’t stay here.”?  What? When did Dawn OR ANYONE start paying the bills on this house?  If you don’t want her there, then you ALL need to fucking leave.
  • “Ding Dong, the witch I dead.”  SHUT THE FUCK UP RONA.

Zelda's Thoughts:

  • Ugh. We've been putting this off so long for a reason. We even went to France to avoid this episode.
  • So how come, for the first time, the town got the memo about the apocalypse? I guess things have been extra hellmouth-y. But you'd think it would be in the First's better interests to keep civilians around, to keep the body count high?
  • wow SMG's voice is completely gone, poor thing.
  • "Not that I swing cats. Or eat. Nope. Cuttin' way back. Cholesterol. Morals. I mean morals." Clem is delightful.
  • Okay we got through the cutesy end of the world cold open, how much longer do I have to wait til the end of the episode and we're done with the gang betraying Buffy?
  • Giles and Willow are terrible at impersonating Interpol.
  • I want to give Xander's family the benefit of the doubt that they've already left town, and that's why they're not with him in the hospital, but let's face it, they're all shit.
  • NB is doing a good job with this scene, trying to be strong, not show how Buffy's aloofness hurts him.
  • "Willow. Please don't."
  • What is a problem is how demoralized the troops are, and that does need fixing, and Buffy's usual speechifying won't fix it (nor will Anya's sex talk, for the record).
  • Why is Faith talking about Anya like she's got a lot of familiarity with her? How much have those two even interacted?
  • I do like Faith's quick reading of Buffy - she sees how she's staying stoic, she recognizes the defense tactic, and she knows Buffy needs a bit of a break. Faith's the only one here who really knows what it is to be a Slayer, and even she doesn't know what it is to carry Buffy's burden. Yet. 
  • oh man, the photo of our season one Scoobies. #feels
  • oh man (again). The way Buffy goes completely still except for a slight tremor, when Caleb appears. She knows how much he can hurt her now.
  • ugh Caleb is the fucking worst. "Mind your manners ... You're angry, frustrated, scared - I like that in a girl."
  • Apparently enough people haven't left Sunnydale to keep The Bronze a happening joint
  • It is a good idea of Faith's, distract the troops and let them blow off steam
  • Okay Buffy's claim that Giles sent away the one person watching her back is out of line, but she's not wrong to suspect Giles's motives. As Spike points out next episode, he's the only one who wouldn't have fallen in step with the mutiny, even if that wasn't what Giles was thinking when he sent Spike away - it's certainly something they took advantage of.
  • oops the cops found Fugitive Faith
  • oops the cops are Hellmouth-possessed
  • oops
  • see? the Potentials have some fighting chops! look at them kicking the Hellmouth cops' asses
  • whoops Buffy's in mom mode now. She doesn't have all the facts, but she sees the messy conclusion.
  • I agree, Andrew. Curly fries are delicious.
  • "Tell anyone we had this conversation, I'll bite you." // "Right."
  • oh man. Xander's come home
  • well, "home." he lives in an apartment. this is the Summers house
  • Andrew is terrible at being Bad Cop. but I'm telling myself it's him trying to be Anya
  • I do like that Buffy saw through Caleb's attempted sleight of hand with the Look At The Seal Not At The Vineyard scheme
  • I understand the Potentials having doubts, I understand Giles resisting Buffy. I'm not cool with the core Scoobies turning on her. They should fucking know better.
  • UGH. Fuck this from Anya. "You really do think you're better than we are. But we don't know. We don't know if you're actually better. I mean, you came into the world with certain advantages, sure. I mean, that's the legacy. But you didn't earn it. You didn't work for it. You never had anybody come up to you and say you deserve these things more than anyone else. They were just handed to you. So that doesn't make you better than us. It makes you luckier than us." ARE YOU KIDDING ME. STOP TREATING CERTAIN YOUNG DEATH LIKE A GIFT. STOP TREATING DYING TWICE AND COMING BACK AS BEING LUCKIER THAN EVERYONE ELSE. STOP TREATING THIS KIND OF LEADERSHIP AS ANYTHING BUT A BURDEN. Buffy never asked for this, but she has earned their trust FOR SEVEN FUCKING YEARS. Also - for the record - stop acting like Buffy sat on her ass with her special Slayer privileges, instead of training hard every day, going out patrolling while balancing schoolwork and eventually real work, making plans and keeping everyone safe. One - ONE - botched mission, and suddenly the confidence in her qualifications immediately vanishes.
  • I wish Buffy were making these arguments, rather than lashing out though. It's not helping her case.
  • And then Dawn delivers the death blow.
  • Just. Fuck this. FUCK THIS.
  • And see? Buffy's still our goddamn hero. What does she say when Faith follows her out? "Don't be afraid to lead them. Whether you wanted it or not, their lives are yours. It's only gonna get harder. Protect them. But lead them." She's not doing recriminations. She knows the mission is what matters, and that the world still matters, and even if they've rejected her, their lives must be protected.
  • No one in that house deserves Buffy.

Favorite Lines:
Daniel: "Trade you for a pack of cigarettes and soap." -Faith 
Zelda: "Tell anyone we had this conversation, I'll bite you." - Spike

Arc/Continuity Stuff:

  • Recurring: Clem, SMG's laryngitis, Giles, Andrew, Potentials (Rona, Amanda, Kennedy, Chao-Ahn, et al), Faith, Caleb, The Bronze, The First (as Buffy), Spike's love for the Onion Blossom, Robin Wood
  • Shoutout to A"ll the Way" and Xander's pirate costume

Anya's Hair - blonde, side part, tidy ponytail, or straight down
Dead Humans - 0
Dead Undeads - 0
Dead Flashbacks - 0
Dead Potentials - 0
Giles Unconscious - 0
Giles Cleans His Glasses - 0
Buffy Breaks a Door - 0
Caleb Breaks a Glass Window with a Buffy - 1
Evil Reveal - 0
Unevil Reveal - 0
Shenanigans Called - 0
Apocalypse Called - 0

Monday, May 1, 2017

Are You the Bad Slayer Now? Am I the Good Slayer Now?

Episode 7.18: Dirty Girls. Original Airdate 4.15.03  

"Faith returns to Sunnydale just as a new villain, Caleb, arrives and sends Buffy a message in the form of a badly beaten Potential. Buffy leads the rest of the girls to Caleb and The First's lair, with devastating consequences."

Zelda's Thoughts: 

  • It's time for Joss to realize he has an impotent evil and bring in Nathan Fillion off his recently cancelled Firefly!
  • Also Faith.
  • "You ever think that maybe they were chasing you because you're a whore?" Yyyyyyyyyyep fuck you Caleb.
  • Man, Xander's fantasy dream is just gross.
  • Yeah seriously why didn't they at least tell Faith that Slayers were being hunted? Pretty shitty.
  • "I'm on your side!" // "Yeah? Maybe you haven't heard. I've reformed." // "So have I. I reformed way before you did. Stop. Hitting. Me."
  • "Oh, he's like Angel?" // "No." // "Sort of." // "I am nothing like Angel."
  • I am enjoying the banter. Thanks, Drew Goddard.
  • "Well, that makes me feel better about me, worse about Giles, kinda shaky about you."
  • I'm not that interested in the pseudobiblical ramblings of Caleb
  • oh look Andrew learned NOTHING and is still mythologizing, this time about Faith (thanks for the recapping clip show)

  • Like, I get why Wood is firing Buffy (she's truly terrible at her job), especially with the town emptying out and the impending apocalypse, but like. She's currently the sole support for like three hundred Potentials. Can we still pay her? Something? *revives angry rant about the Council never paying her even though they're all exploded now*
  • The show really has given up on its thesis that smoking = evil or about to die. I guess because the main characters are all adults now? (except Dawn)
  • I am enjoying the Faith and Spike chemistry.
  • "Buffy, this thing's got trap written all over it." He's not wrong.
  • Sigh. All their arguments against going after Caleb feel rational now because we know what's going to happen. But they can't just sit there and keep waiting to get attacked. They want her to be a general, that's not how a general acts. The attack ends up being a tactical error, but what would they accomplish by doing nothing?
  • "Everything's got eyes." Ouch, writers. Ouch.
  • Andrew relying on Xander to school Potentials on nerd knowledge is cute.
  • "I've been through more battles with Buffy than you all could ever imagine. She's stopped everything that's ever come up against her. She's laid down her life - literally - to protect the people around her. This girl has died two times, and she's still standing. You're scared? That's smart. You got questions? You should. But you doubt her motives, you think Buffy's all about the kill, then you take the little bus to battle." that was some good speeching, Xander.
  • "You've got to trust her. She's earned it." The thing is - THE THING IS - even though this battle ends very badly - IT'S STILL TRUE. SHE'S EARNED IT. AND THEY FUCKING BETRAY IT THE FIRST TIME SHE MAKES AN ERROR.
  • Fuck Empty Places.
  • Buffy's face while Caleb talks. Realizing there's something in him she doesn't understand yet, there's some power here. Sometimes it doesn't matter when she's been lured into a trap, because she's smart and good at what she does. This is something different.
  • God, it's horrifying.
  • I may have to look away. I remember being so thoroughly traumatized by the gouging when it aired.I'm still preemptively pissed, though. It's the first real skirmish she's taken them on. People got hurt, some seriously, and two died. More than that died in Graduation. I'm having an issue with the reaction I know is coming. I'm also delaying right now because I don't want to start watching the next episode. Tune in next time for more ranting.

Daniel's Thoughts:

  • Oh man.  We meet Caleb.  A very strange looking Nathan Fillion.  
  • Man, Caleb is the worst.
  • I mean he’s truly scary and that’s a tribute to Nathan’s talent – but man, Caleb is the worst.
  • Hey it’s Faith!
  • Man, Xander’s apartment.  We haven’t seen that in a long time.
  • Xander dreaming of young girls.  Why is this okay?
  • Anya….a main character….is not even in this episode.
  • I like like this Faith/Spike fight tho.  “I’ve reformed.” “I reformed before you did!”
  • And the patter between Buffy/Faith too.
  • Interesting that Faith probably has some false memories of Dawn from…season 2ish.
  • Oh man, I forgot about Eliza’s weird hand movements that I love so much.  “Kinda shaky about you.”

Love it. So much.

  • Rut Roh.  The Buffy First is back.
  • Ahh, so Caleb blew up the council.
  • Oh man, the weird Faith/Vulcan fake flashback.
  • Hey there’s Andrew…but NO ANYA.
  • Andrew: “She’s a killer.  Never forget that…”   So are you, Andrew.
  • Buffy to Wood: “As far as I’m concerned, we’re on even ground.”  OK, I guess?
  • Buffy, you’re fired.  I mean, I understand why.  She’s needed at home…but she also seriously needs money.  How the hell is she financing all this food?  And tampons probably?
  • Wood: “The mission’s what matters.”  His mom’s words…awww.
  • Chains are still up.  In case anyone has been following the illuminating Chain continuity. [I almost did a spit take, so thanks. - Z]
  • Faith mentions she saw “Glitter.”  Side note, I was in "Glitter." 😉 As an extra of course…
  • Man, I’ve actually missed Faith.
  • And now Buffy’s being a bit rash… falling for an obvious trap.  We’ve seen this before…
  • The First has a shadow.  I’d think it wouldn’t….
  • “It could be a girl.”  “It could be a stapler!”
  • I mean everyone is warning Buffy against this, and she’s just not listening.
  • “Help the girls who still need a teacher.” Dude.
  • Also, shut up Rona.
  • Man, this speech that Xander’s giving that he’s going to regret in T-minus –
  • Haha, Spike referencing Falcon Crest.
  • The potentials are actually fighting pretty well at first…
  • Wow, yeah, Caleb’s pretty strong. 
  • “The Cain to her Abel…no offense to Cain of course.”
  • AH man, all that wasted wine.
  • Oh man, Xander’s cry of pain when he loses his eye is excruciating.

Favorite Lines:
Z: Angel's dull as a table lamp. And we have very different coloring. - Spike
D: Yeah, that's prison.  Safe as a kitten. - Faith

Arc/Continuity Stuff:

  • First Appearance: Caleb, Caridad
  • Last Apperance: Molly, Xander's eye
  • Recurring: Bringers, Potentials, Faith, leg cramps as euphemisms for erections, The First (as Buffy and as a girl Caleb killed)
  • Xander's apartment is also housing Potentials
  • Caleb is responsible for blowing up the Watchers' Council
  • Shoutout to when Faith stole Buffy's body and put the moves on Spike (and probably incited his crush)
  • Sunnydale has a vineyard

Anya's Hair - rhymes with blinvisible
Dead Humans - 2
Dead Undeads - 0
Dead Flashbacks - 0
Dead Potentials - 2
Giles Unconscious - 0
Giles Cleans His Glasses - 0
Buffy Breaks a Door - 0
Buffy Makes a Speech - 1
Xander Makes a Speech - 1
Evil Reveal - 1 (Caleb)
Unevil Reveal - 0
Shenanigans Called - 0
Apocalypse Called - 0

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

A Trigger, a Soul, and a Chip

Episode 7.17: Lies My Parents Told Me. Original Airdate 3.25.03

"Robin Wood seeks revenge on Spike for killing his mother nearly 30 years ago, whilst everyone else tries to find out how The First has control over him."

Daniel's Thoughts:

  • Exterior. Rainy LA to look like Rainy NYC.
  • Itty Bitty Principal Wood watching momma kick ass.
  • Interesting that Nikki Wood calls it “the mission”
  • Man, I forgot that this is the episode that the writers take a huge dump on Giles.
  • “Have you seen the new library?!”  I love you Giles.
  • Side note:  Wood has a small version of “The Thinker” in his office.
  • “Boring, Old and English,...just like you….Yul….Brenner…”
  • Hey, they put the chains back….
  • Oh, snide, sassy Giles. Spike:"With all the rubbish people keep sticking in my head, it's a wonder there's room for my brain." Giles: "I don't think it takes up that much space, do you?"  Heh. 
  • Oh, that wig, William.  OMG.
omg, that wig

  • I’m bored, where’s Anya? 
  • Oh there she is.  With a weird fucking hat
Is ... she going swimming?

  • Anya: "Don't waste your time on that road.  Spike's got some sort of "Get out of Jail free" card that doesn't apply to the rest of us."  AMEN.
  • Yay! Drusilla!  “Smells of daffodils and viscera…”
  • I love that they paint old Spike as such a pathetic momma’s boy – even after he’s turned, he still wants be with his mother.  And Dru’s reaction to Spike wanting to bring her along is hilarious.
  • Spike: The original Norman Bates
  • Why is Buffy being a total asshole to Giles?  So disrespectful.
  • The thing is, Wood is acting on revenge, sure – and it’s unhealthy, sure – but do any of us blame him?
  • “The way I’ve treated my friends and family and…Andrew?”  Small thing, but I’m glad she didn’t say ‘and Anya’.  See Anya is her friend.  That’s what I got out of that…
  • Oh man, that computer that Wood has.  A lot has changed in 14 years…
  • Wood takes off his shirt; we all swoon.
  • It feels like his mother’s death had more effect on his reaction to the world then being vamped did… a trigger, if you will.
  • I mean, it’s nice to see how being vamped and resouled is different for everyone.  Angel is a completely different person when he loses his soul.  Spike is pretty much the same when he gets his soul back.   There are more triggers on personality than just ‘absence of soul’.
  • Omg, I love Richard the vampire.  “My name’s Richard.”  Aww.
  • Eww.  It really is more like Norman Bates than I could have imagined.
  • Interesting that Spike’s mom gives a small smile as she turns to dust…as if it’s what she wanted all along.
  • “She was a slayer, I was a vampire.”  No, Spike, No.  “She knew what she was signing up for”.  SHE DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR IT, SPIKE.   “Not enough to quit.” SHE COULDN’T QUIT, YOU DICKHOLE. OMG, I HATE HIM SO MUCH.
  • I really can’t stand this episode.  Yet another episode that raises Spike up while putting everyone else down.  Everyone is wrong but him.
  • How did Buffy know where Spike was?
  • “He even so much looks at me funny again? I’ll kill him.”  A common threat by anyone but by Spike? This is the guy we want on our team?
  • But I guess that’s Buffy now, too.  “I’ll let him.”  Whatever.  So done with this episode.
  • And there it is.  Shitting all over Giles.  So glad he came back for that.
  • Done.

Zelda's Thoughts: 

  • an apt title, considering Giles betrays Buffy's trust in this episode FUCK YOU GILES
  • flashback time!
  • so did flashback Spike not know or not care that there was a tiny child watching his fight with the Slayer? given our knowledge of his obsession with killing Slayers, I'm gonna go with doesn't care
  • "you can play with those spooky doodads that you like" I assume she's referring to the shadow puppets in the leather bag?
  • While I don't approve of his coping mechanism, I do feel for Wood's confusion. He's confirmed, or as much as he can, that Spike is the one who killed his mother, but he sees that Spike is trusted by Buffy, is fighting on the side of good, but there he is, wearing his mother's coat. How to reconcile that?
  • I do enjoy the chip exchange, especially with DB Woodside being hilarious.
  • "So he has a trigger, a soul, and a chip?" "Because the military gave him a soul?"

  • Just like yo-ul Brynner
  • JM's accent has been getting shakier this season. I blame Tony Head abandoning us all. It'll get even worse when he goes onto Angel and has no role model.
  • "Hark! The lark!" god he's such a silly fool. good commitment from JM.
  • Apparently the actress who plays Anne, William's mother, was cast because of her resemblance to SMG, which WHY did they have to go creepy? (to say nothing of the fact that her name is Buffy's middle name slash LA alias)
  • Okay so question. Other times Spike's been triggered by the song, he's gone scary calm (and evil). This time it made him feral? Why? Like? Why???? Just so that everyone will stop trusting him? So that Wood will have seen the "monster" and feel justified in his planned attack?
  • Aww "shouldn't you check on Dawnie?" throwback to when Spike and Dawn were actually buddies
  • Ugh William was pretty Norman Bates-y.
  • Wow Willow doesn't tell Buffy that Angelus is back. I wonder if she ever does (never mind, she does, offscreen).
  • Man. Seriously. Fuck how Giles treats Buffy. I get that he is having trouble balancing how he used to instruct her when she was a teen, but he's pressed her into the role of general this season, and then freely goes about sowing mutiny and plotting against her with Wood. He KNOWS Wood is too emotionally twisted up about Spike, and he still goes along with the plan.
  • "I just need you to keep Buffy away for a few hours." Godammit, Wood. Godammit, Giles.
  • "The other day I gave an inspirational speech to the telephone repairman."
  • I like how carefully neutral Spike keeps his face, once he realizes why Wood's acting the way he is. "Killed a lot of people's mothers." No inflection.
  • Wood has only one song in his entire iTunes account. Y'all, that's a psychopath.
  • There's debate in the fandom about Anne and her vamp self - is what she speaks the real truth she wasn't expressing while human, or is it a more thorough separation of character? We've seen that vamp William is, at first, pretty similar (if more murdery) than human William. But vamp Anne is much crueler than her human self. Has this always been what she thought, or what she thinks now? On my first watch, I took it all as true, that she just hadn't said it, which meant Spike's speech at the end to Wood is pure delusion. But the internet has pointed out to me her face when he finally stakes her - that she smiles at him a moment, back in her human face, happy to be dying permanently. So if that's a proper reading of her expression, then she's saying all this, pushing him to this point, so that he'll kill her. She doesn't want to be this. Does that mean that she still loves him? Does that mean it's all a lie? I still don't quite know what I think. I can see the different readings as canon. Spike certainly thinks she loved him, and that she loved him more than Nikki loved Robin (did he really need to go there?)
  • So I guess my actual question is, is the lie Spike's mother told him that she loved him, or that she didn't?

  • Lotta references to how many speeches Buffy makes. I'm gonna guess the writers noticed the complaining on the fan boards.
  • Whichever way you read the scene, the showdown between William and his mother is so well acted by these two. Big props to Caroline Lagerfelt.
  • While I think it's complete and absolute bullshit garbage, what Wood and Giles do, I do think Spike is needlessly cruel, for someone who canonically does repent his evil actions, even if he doesn't mope for decades about it like Angel did. Some of what he says needs to be said - and same for what Buffy will say to him - but what the fuck is all this about Nikki not loving Robin enough to quit? He understands the mission.
  • And he's wrong. We see that too. We see that Nikki loved Robin. She lost one fight with Spike. That doesn't mean she didn't love her son. She didn't choose to die (regardless of whether his death wish theory in "Fool For Love" is correct). She had one bad day. She wanted to come back. She wanted to raise her son.  Spike talks with conviction, and he sounds smart (sometimes), but he doesn't always have the insight he's touted to have. He understands obsessive love (which is why he can see past Buffy and Angel's "just friends" in "Lover's Walk"), but having NEVER ACTUALLY SEEN any interactions between Nikki and Robin, his reading of their relationship is cruel and bollocks.
  • When Buffy says she'll let Spike kill Wood, she doesn't mean she wants Wood dead. She means she can't have this sabotaging infighting in her army, if they have a shot at winning. We can't have allies trying to take each other out. We see how badly things go when they actually boot her out.
  • "I think you've taught me everything I need to know." yeah Giles you done fucked up

Favorite Lines:

Daniel: William: "You'll like her." Drusilla: "To eat, you mean?"
Zelda: The entire Who's On First routine with Buffy, Giles, and Wood regarding Spike's trigger, chip, and soul.

Arc/Continuity Stuff:

  • Recuring: Nikki Wood, Principal Wood, Giles, Potentials, William's terrible wig, Drusilla
  • Crossover! Fred calls for Willow to come un-Angelus Angel and also pick up Faith
Anya's Hair - honey blonde, flip, and a weird hat
Dead Humans - 0
Dead Undeads - 3
Dead Flashbacks - 2 (both are Anne)
Dead Potentials - 0
Giles Unconscious - 0
Giles Cleans His Glasses - 0
Buffy Breaks a Door - 0
Evil Reveal - 0
Unevil Reveal - 0
Shenanigans Called - 0
Apocalypse Called - 0

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

We Are As Gods

Episode 7.16: Storyteller. Original Airdate 2.25.03 

"Andrew creates a documentary called 'Buffy, Slayer of the Vampyres,' a record of the current situation in Sunnydale to show to future generations. He manages to capture many important moments, and to annoy almost everyone in the house. But Buffy needs to tear him away from his filmmaking because the Seal of Danzalthar is active and Andrew may hold the key to closing it before it destroys the town."

Zelda's Thoughts: 

  • I remember when this first aired, just being so done with Andrew (not Tom Lenk, he's adorable), and irritated that he now had his own episode, and it marred my ability to enjoy it. Let's see if that changes on this rewatch.
  • Tom Lenk remains adorable.
  • Aw, a good old fashioned slay in the graveyard.
  • I do like the contrast of Andrew's handheld camera and the fancy crane shot of Andrew and Buffy in the graveyard, to show off they actually went on location this time. 

Look! We have a budget!

  • Seriously, Spike. Don't smoke indoors.
  • Of course Spike is shirtless in Andrew's imaginary character intro.
  • "If we save the world, it will be kind of nice to have a record of it." She has a point? It's just ... this is annoying.
  • Though Buffy seems angrier than she needs to be about it? It feels contrivancey in order to lead her into another speech.
  • Aww you guys it's Jonathan! Ugh, and Warren.
  • "In my plan, we are beltless."
  • I do enjoy the fake mad scientist scene.
  • And um the fake flashback of fighting off Dark!Willow is a cute re-edit. "I deflect thy power." // "Damn, that is one effective counter spell."

  • Oops the Hellmouth is extra super Hellmouthy with its metaphors and violent student manifestations.
  • DB WOODSIDE SO GOOD. He's charming even when concussed.
  • okay but why the dumb jokes when a kid's head literally exploded? why are we being blase about this?
  • "Dawn used to be a key. I don't really know what that means."

  • I was annoyed at Spike's artificial broody guy outrage at Andrew's camera, but it probably does fit in with the fact that his entire street tough persona was manufactured over the years.
  • One good thing achieved in this episode is Xander and Anya finally having a frank conversation about their relationship. [Amen. - D]
  • You know, in prep for when THEY KILL HER. [Right...-D]
  • Oh look. A bunch of possessed children opening the Seal with chanting>
  • You guys my keyboard is completely possessed> this is interesting
  • I'm not even kidding. Complete possession. My notes for the rest of this episode may be distracted.
  • Andrew's detached journalist line is giving me Rent flashbacks. FOR SOMEONE WHO LONGS FOR A COMMUNITY OF HIS OWN, WHO'S WITH HIS CAMERA ALONE. I'LL CALL. I HATE THE FALL.
  • I warned you. Possessed. Ask Daniel, I was flipping out. [It was.  She was. -D]
  • Okay so the First's plan was to give both Andrew and Jonathan scary dreams in order to convince them both to go back to Sunnydale so that Andrew could stab Jonathan over the Seal? That's elaborate and yet stupid? Like there had to have been an easier way. I mean, The First is a bad planner, we know that. But like. I just.
  • Oh god I forgot the We Are As Gods bit was this episode. I mean, when else would it be? 

  • They don't have any steak knives? Did Hank get the knives in the divorce?
  • Andrew ships Spike and Wood. I mean, the fic basically writes itself. By which I mean, Andrew probably wrote it already.
  • Principal Wood kicking the crap out of students. Still a better principal than Snyder.
  • I think the possession has left my keyboard. Maybe it showed proper remorse and cried into the Seal of Danzalthar. #topical
  • I hate Warren but Adam Busch is still funny. "If you fail, you'll die a lost soul and I'll hate you forever!"
  • Ew ew ew the students have been Bringer-fied. Does this mean we're allowed to kill them?
  • Xander and Anya had sex in Spike's bed. His enhanced vampire smelling is gonna luuuuuuuuuuuv that.
  • Wood is making sure not to use the pointy nail side of the wood beam on the students. See? I told you he's a waaaaay better principal than Snyder.
  • I guess we're not allowed to kill the student Bringers. But RIP their eyeballs.
  • It shows how little Andrew understands Buffy, that he thinks she would kill a human.
  • "Stop! Stop telling stories. Life isn't a story ... You always do this. You make everything into a story so no one's responsible for anything because they're just following a script."
  • "I don't like having to give a bunch of speeches about how we're all gonna live, because we won't." Is that ... the kind of speech you think you've been making lately, Buffy? Though this speech is better than the Everyone Sucks But Me variety we had earlier. [Amen. -Anya]
  • And like in Rapunzel, tears heal everything. That's two fairy tales this season, if you count The Killer in Me as a real episode that happened.
  • Yeah I still don't really have much investment with Andrew's emotional journey this episode. I mean it's good he's finally taking things seriously I guess? idk

Daniel's Thoughts:

  • I’m not sure how I’m going to feel about this episode.  I remember moments of liking the humor and moments of being enraged that we have an Andrew-centric episode when he’s dominated the show enough – and taken lines/scenes (imo, of course) away from Anya.  So let’s start, shall we?
  • So I do love his version of masterpiece theater with comics and Star Trek stuff around.
  • So this is all his imaginationish…so in his imagination, he’s smoking a pipe and choking on it?  K.
  • Why is he pronouncing it like that?  Vamp-YRES.
  • Why can’t you just masturbate like the rest of us?   Hehe.  But also, why are they dressing and hairstyling Anya like your grandmother in that world war II picture you have on the mantle?

  • Again, I have to point out that as much as I hate Andrew, I really like Tom Lenk’s portrayal of him.  He really encompasses Andrew’s awkwardness well.
  • Why is Xander the heart of the gang? [There was this one time he joined his essence with the Slayer ... - Z]
  • Raisin Bran…I’ll put it on the list….who are they getting funded from again?
  • Spike is shirtless in Andrew’s fantasy.  Ahem, Angel writers.
  • Anya eating grapes in slow motion is amazing tho.
  • Is this where the writers realized the Buffy speeches have gotten a little tiresome and repetitive?
  • Hey, it’s another Marcie.
  • “The mirror said I was fat” lol.
  • So I mean, here’s the thing about this episode…all the laughs, but actual HS students’ heads exploding?  I kinda just don’t want to laugh at that.  “Really shoulda had that foot rub…”  Yeah, too glib, Buffy.
  • “We still spark.  You still love me.”  Awww.  Again, at this point on first watch, I had hope that these two would have a happy ending.  How naïve I was.
  • “You’ve all been evil at some point.”  Heh, true.
  • I don’t really understand what Spike is doing here.  Why is he “acting” for the camera?  Again, it’s funny – but to what end? What purpose?  How does this represent anything that Spike is about?  Where’s the motivation?
  • So it’s nice that Anya & Xander are having this conversation but where will it go?  Nowhere.  I kinda like that Andrew ships it hardcore though.
  • Jonathan: “I wasn’t even that evil.”  See, that’s kinda why I wished Jonathan survived instead of Andrew.  I think his repentance would have meant more.
  • Zima. Total 2000s reference. 
How about a nice refreshing Zima?

  • “Stop going off topic”  - 2000s chatroom reference?
  • The whole “we are as gods” thing.  I….feel for these poor actors who had to do that.  Although I do remember some outtakes from that which were pretty hilarious.
  • Buffy: “I’m not losing any more territory to the first…”  Or…students?  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • Oh here’s one: “Spike, don’t kill them.  They’re just students.” – Finally…
  • Poor Jonathan – keeps getting stabbed over and over.
  • Again, making light of killing a guy.  This is why I can’t take Andrew seriously – why he doesn’t work for me as a character.  Especially a character that *spoilers* makes it to the end.
  • Xander and Anya naked in bed together is kinda reminiscent of their first time.
  • “I think maybe we’re really over.”  Whether they mean it or not, I’m glad Anya’s the one who said it.  And well…I guess at least there’s closure?
  • “You make everything into a story so that no one's responsible for anything because they're just following a script." Yep, that’s Andrew’s entire arc there.
  • I mean, this is where Andrew admits that he killed Jonathan knowing that it was the First that was telling him to.  So this is his last ep right? This is when Buffy kicks him out or where Andrew realizes he needs to truly make amends and get out of there right?  Nope.  He stays and continues to be Andrew, I guess.   I guess…
  • I wonder what happened to those bringer students...when the possession wears off....are they still blind? Are we Let it go? Okay.


Anya: Why can't you just masturbate like the rest of us?
Z: I'm not making that the title.
D: Haha no.
Z: We'd get blocked at work.
D: But I might make it my favorite line:

Favorite Lines:

Daniel: Anya: You've been in here 30 minutes. What are you doing?
Andrew: Entertaining and educating.
Anya: Why can't you just masturbate like the rest of us?

Arc/Continuity Stuff:

  • Recurring: Andrew, Potentials, Andrew's Big Board, Jonathan, Warren, Principal Wood, Seal of Danzalthar, the pig Andrew couldn't kill, The First (as Warren)
  • Shoutouts to: Marcie with the disappearing girl,swim team sea monsters and killer prom dogs (Andrew's brother!), Hell's Bells, Dawn being a key


Anya's Hair - honey blonde, curled at the bottom
Dead Humans - 1
Dead Undeads - 2
Dead Flashbacks - 2 ["Hey, I died twice." - Jonathan]
Dead Potentials - 0
Buffy Breaks a Door - 0
Buffy Makes a Speech - 2
Evil Reveal - 0
Unevil Reveal - 0
Shenanigans Called - 0
Apocalypse Called - 0