PLEASE NOTE: THIS IS A SPOILER-RICH ZONE

PLEASE NOTE: THIS IS A SPOILER-RICH ZONE. If your diet requires you to dine on television spoiler-free ... good luck with that.

REVIEW ARCHIVES

Wednesday, November 27, 2019

Violets and Aspercreme


Episode 1.05: Rm w/a Vu. Original Airdate: 11/02/99



“Cordelia falls in love with a rent-controlled apartment that turns out to be haunted, and a demon comes to collect on Doyle’s loans.”









Daniel’s Thoughts:

  • Aww bad Cordelia acting.  
  • Angel’s voicemail has “we help the hopeless” 
  • Cordy not wanting to socialize with her old friends because she doesn’t want to talk about her life – relatable. 
  • Angel knows a lot about Cordelia back in HS.  They didn’t hang out that much. 
  • Aww, Cordelia’s phonebook.  I used to have something similar, ya know, before smartphones. 
  • Oh man, Doyle is referencing that ‘priceless’ ad which if it were out today would have been such a social media meme. 
  • Cordelia needs to run from her apartment. Doyle needs to run from his.  Angel is naked.  Priceless. 
  • “Do you have mousse?  Of course you do.” – Cordelia.  Do people still mousse??  I moussed once upon a time which is weird since my hair is already very big. 
  • Angel, close your damn robe 
  • I love when Angel is persnickety. “And the reason there is a wet towel on my leather chair?”  He’s so the Monica of this show.  Cordelia’s Rachel.  Doyle’s definitely Ross. [I'm Phoebe! - Lorne]
  • I love Cordelia’s scorched diploma and the reason we all know behind it. 
  • Cordelia, apartment shopping: The apartments here are just as bad NYC hunting. Maybe worse.  More cults. 
  • Cordelia wants to take out a wall.  Um, you have to own the place to do that.  You can’t just take down a wall when you’re renting.  I mean, I know this is foreshadowing but still. 
  • Oooh, spooky wall.  Very Nightmare on Elm Street.


  • Ok, so Cordy’s apartment is haunted. And whomever is haunting her is a perv going through her bras and stuff. 
  • Doyle always seems uplit. 
  • I don’t think Doyle’s crush on Cordelia is charming at all.  So far, it really only seems to be looks based. 
  • Mirror scare!  Beth Grant. Zelda, “She’s in everything.” Yeah. 
  • SHENANIGANS: HOW DID HE GET THERE
So. Much. Sun.

  • She’s currently hiding the ghost and I’m not sure why. I know she wants them to think she’s doing ok, but this is what the team does.  They can get rid of ghosts. 
  • Angel doesn’t know where to get all the ingredients for a spell. Um, just ask Anya and Giles.  But also, there’re no magic shop in LA?   
  • Oh wow, the ghost is impersonating Angel’s voice.  How odd.  Well I guess Beetlejuice could do it.  But like, she can use the phone, too? 
  • Hey, detective Kate!  Oh man, Kate’s got it bad….she gets all weird when Angel leans over her. 
  • But at least they figure out what happened sorta.  Or at least they know about Dennis…they just don’t exactly what happened. 
  • Real poltergeist action now, things blowing all over the place. 
  • Uh oh.  It’s so inconvenient when you’re trying to get out of a haunted apartment and demon mobsters are after you. 
  • “You stupid little bitch.”  “I’m a bitch…”  I love that this is what motivates her.  YES, I’m bitch. So screw you.  
  • “Cry-Buffy!” 
  • Uh oh, Cordy is possessed. 
  • She Cask of Amontillado’d her son.  Wow, what a whack job. 
  • So the demons who were sent after Doyle are dead…I’m sure there will be others. 
  • Cordy’s apartment is really nice.  She’s pretty lucky….I mean, despite almost dying for it. 
  • We looked up the name Aura, the girl from Sunnydale who calls Cordelia. Turns out Aura was in the first episode of Buffy.  She’s the girl who found the dead guy in her locker – and we never hear from her again.  It’s interesting that this is who Jane Espensen decided to bring back…even as a voice over.  IMDB doesn’t have the name of the actress playing the voiceover in this episode.


 Zelda’s Thoughts:

  • I remember Jane Espenson (this episode’s writer) saying that writers got a bonus if they create a recurring character, when that character repeats. She created Phantom Dennis, but since his subsequent appearances are, you know, blinvisible ones, it doesn’t count for her. WELL, IT COUNTS FOR US, JANE.
  • Doyle is very sweet and agreeable in the face of Cordelia so far not being a very good actor … and also not being a very good Angel Investigations employee, as the ringing phone goes to the answering machine REMEMBER ANSWERING MACHINES.
  • Apparently it was someone named Aura. Did we ever meet an Aura? (Yes, she had the extreme dead guy stuffed in her locker in the pilot)
  • Angel explains the Cordettes at Sunnydale High, and I’d raise an eyebrow but he knew about the dance that one time because he lurks, so I’ll allow it.
  • Anyway, Cordelia’s apartment spews brown water and dim lighting and the door sticks and HEY A ROACH ON THE TV and jesus christ so many on the carpet time to burn the place to the ground.
  • Gasp! A random demon in Doyle’s apartment! With pretty smooth skin and stylish horns.

  • Ah, this is the one collecting on Doyle’s loans that the imdb summary foretold.
  • Angel listens to Ode to Joy in the shower. 'kay.
  • Man, season one really leans into Angel, wet and shirtless. Not that we’re complaining. 


  • Cordelia thinks roaches have antlers.
  • I’m really glad I’m watching this episode after I no longer live in an apartment building with a roach problem.
  • Cordelia tells Angel once she gets a new place he’s “completely invited over,” and thanks for that little line plant.
  • I like the touch of Cordelia checking her reflection in the kettle because he has no mirrors … though don’t most bathrooms come with a mirror?
  • Doyle is quietly freaking out because he walked into Angel’s basement apartment and Cordelia’s in a robe, she got peanut butter in the bed, and Angel’s wearing boxers and a fairly porny red robe.
  • Doyle refers to Angel’s overhanging forehead, and Angel self-consciously touches his brow, and I laugh forever.
  • Wow, Cordelia is scraping up Angel’s linoleum tile, and putting her high school trophies on his mantle.
  • Aw, nice touch, her high school diploma is a bit scorchy.
  • Heh, Angel lied to Doyle that there’s a big guy to see him so he can make him come clean about what or whom he’s hiding from.
  • “It’s a system of checks and balances.” // “And some of your checks didn’t balance.”
  • Angel offers a quid pro quo: Angel helps Doyle with his debt, Doyle helps Angel with his Cordelia roommate.
  • Sounds fair to me.
  • Wow, one of the places she looks at is basically a cult, how fun.
  • Ugh, creepo super hitting on Cordelia gross gross gross.
  • Question: when you apartment hunt, are all the places pre-furnished? The only time I’ve seen furnished places was when I was looking to purchase; all the rentals were empty. But the ones Cordelia looks at have furniture. And dang, does the actual pretty apartment she chooses have good furnishings.
  • “First thing: hire someone to take out that wall.” Cordelia, that wall has a face inside it and does not want to be removed. Just … fair warning.
  • It’s nice to see how happy she is, though. It’s a nice color on her, the bouncy planning joy.
  • I don’t get the demon referring to Angel the vampire helping some demon half-breed … vampires are half-breeds too, aren’t they? That’s certainly the ethos in the upcoming Hero ep. And according to Anya, the only real demons are giant Mayor Snakes.
  • Wow, Cordelia was able to move in right away? Jealous.
  • Except for the ghosts messing with her drawers and radio. Less jealous of that.
  • Also hey remember radios?
  • Oooh nice touch with the boiling glass of water.
  • “I’m from Sunnydale, you’re not scaring me, you know!” Aw but she is scared. Poor Cordy.
  • And with morning, the bed crashes back down to the floor. Yay?
  • Hey, Beth Grant is our ghost! She’s in all the things! Sometimes she doubts our commitment to Sparkle Motion.
Told ya.

  • “You know what, I get it. You're a ghost. You're dead. Big accomplishment! Move on! You see a light anywhere, go towards it, okay?”
  • Angel brought Cordelia the tiniest cactus as a housewarming.


  • Aw, Cordelia’s in denial about her haunted home. But the wall is bleeding the word die. “I am not giving up this apartment.” // “It’s haunted.” // “It’s rent controlled!”
  • Aw, Angel tells her it’s just a place and she’s more than that and she says “how, how am I more than that?”
  • Oh man, she sees it as a punishment for how she was kind of a bitca in high school, and the idea of the nice apartment as some kind of reward and end of punishment.
  • OH RIGHT I FORGOT. Ghost Mom pretended to be Angel to lure Cordelia back to the apartment. Sneaky sneaky!
  • AND DAVID BOREANAZ AND HIS VOICE WERE COMPLICIT.
  • “Too bad you wouldn’t leave my son alone.” And it actually reads two ways. One, she’s displacing her rage against her son’s fiancee onto Cordelia, but also if Cordelia takes out that wall, she’ll find Dennis’s corpse.
  • Thanks for the backstory help, Detective Kate! Your hair looks great.
  • And Angel’s hunch pays off, there’s a history of suicides in the apartment.
  • And don’t think we didn’t see that TENSION as Angel leaned over Kate’s shoulder.
  • “Angel Investigations. We Hope You’re Helpless.” Oh Doyle. Oh Doyle Doyle Doyle.
  • Woof, she’s got a cord around Cordelia’s neck and she’s slowly asphyxiating. But at least Angel and Doyle are here in time!
  • Oh man, poor Cordelia’s so scared and shattered. Charisma’s doing great work this episode.
  • Heh, in all the chaos a book absolutely knocks Angel on the head but he shakes it off. I wonder if that was supposed to happen.
  • Oh, in perfect timing, collector demon came back with two friends, one of whom looks human. Mama Ghost is mad but demon says “Ignore her, it's just a ghost.”
  • And she’s so annoyed they broke one of the tiles on the fireplace.
  • Season One isn’t the strongest, but this is a pretty great episode, and this chaos exorcism slash battle is awesome.
  • And then this wonderful moment, when the ghost calls Cordelia a bitch, and Cordelia remembers, “I am a bitch. I’m not a sniveling whiny little cry-Buffy. I’m the nastiest girl in Sunnydale history. I take crap from no one.”
  • Eesh, Cordelia’s line about the ghost being translucent, when she’s super not tells me that they waaaaaaaaaaaanted her to be more see-through and didn’t have the budget for it. Which explains the makeup, which here looks caked on but would probably look better under a translucent filter.
  • Wow, it’s really damn cold, that Mama Ghost Amontilladoed her own son so he wouldn’t get married. (I know Daniel already made this joke above, but I love the fact that we both verbed the title of that story that I'M KEEPING IT).
  • Cordelia’s apartment has a big round arching window, and aw Buffy design flashbacks.
  • Heh, now that Dennis was freed from the wall, he’s having fun being a pranky roomie to Cordelia.

Crossfire!
Cordelia: How come Patrick Swayze is never dead when you need him?

D & Z: *clutch their hearts in dismay*


Favorite Lines:
Daniel: Do you have mousse? Of course you do. - Cordelia
Zelda: I'm a bitch ... I'm not a sniveling whiny little cry-Buffy. I'm the nastiest girl in Sunnydale history. I take crap from no one. - Cordelia

Arc/Continuity:
First Appearance: Phantom Dennis
Recurring: Detective Kate Lockley, We Help the Hopeless
Generally Known TV Face: Beth Grant
Buffy Crossover: Aura (uncredited: voice only)


Stats:
Cordelia’s Hair – blown straight, and tangled by ghosties
Dead Humans – 0
Dead Undeads – 3
Dead Flashbacks – 2
Dead Lawyers – 0
Doyle/Cordelia Has a Vision – 0
Lawyered Ex Machina – 0
Evil Reveal – 0
Unevil Reveal – 1 (Dennis didn't kill his mom)
Shenanigans Called – 1
Apocalypse Called – 0
Prophecy Called – 0

Tuesday, November 19, 2019

We Help The Hopeless

ats104_i_fall_to_pieces_01063.jpgEpisode 1.04: I Fall to Pieces. Original Airdate: 10.26.99


“Angel aids a woman being stalked by a deranged surgeon who is literally coming apart.”



Zelda’s Thoughts:

  • Banter bicker bills and all so we can have a Doyle vision and Cordelia pulls out the phone book to tell Angel where to go. Because this is still the 90s so phone book.
  • And as he swoops out majestically with long black coat flowing, Doyle concedes to Cordy, “Maybe I'm a little attracted.” Everyone’s a Little Bit Gay, Doyle.
  • Our client of the week, Melissa, is popping pills but why? Who is Ronald and why is his flower gift scaring her? (har har, we know the reason, but hey let’s play along)
  • Oh Angel found her. Good job!
  • Wow did we not need Cordelia using the word r*tard pejoratively wow did we not need that.
  • And back to our creepiness, Andy Umberger changed Melissa’s ATM PIN and like wtf.
  • It’s striking me how many of our cases so far have been these awful predatory men who treat women like belongings. Russell in the Pilot, Lenny and Rachel last episode (Lonely Heart was an equal opportunity predator), and now creepo Ronald, stalking his former patient and trying to control her every move. I wish I could say we’ll have less of this as the show goes on, but why kid ourselves.
  • It’s just. I’m tired. I’m tired of this being the world.
  • Angel: He sees her when he is nowhere around. // Me: He knows when she’s awake, he knows when she’s been bad or good
  • And at last the reveal: Creepy Dr. Ronald can detatch body parts at will and send them floating around, and his eyeball is watching Melissa undress.
  • Doyle, re: bungee jumping, “Oh I've always meant to do that but I intensely don’t want to.”
  • Melissa also has a picture of a doggo on her desk and I want to know why this doggo isn’t in her apartment, chasing down roving body parts and chewing them up like they’re toys.
  • Wow, W&H filed a restraining order in defense of creepy Dr. Ronald, they are GREAT
  • Kate reminds us “He took her power away and no one can get it back for her but her.” Okay psychologically yes, but we can still help take the creepo out of her life, yes?
  • Ewwww, Angel’s in Dr Creepy’s office and he has a framed photo of Melissa on his desk. And he’s claiming she’s his fiancĂ©e.
  • And a very helpful book for us about the pseudoscience behind his special power.
  • So does he count as a human or a not-human, for when we kill him? A human who acquired special skilly powers?
  • Cordelia, posing as a journalist, “So he’s good at the cutting and the sewing. He ever strike you as a big dangerous creep?” Cordy at the forefront of the #MeToo movement.
  • “Did you steal this book?” // “Yeah.” // “Good.” *snort*
  • Gasp! Disembodied hands! As played by noted disembodied hand actor Christopher Hart.


  • And those hands are creeping below Melissa’s covers to do naughty things.
  • Aaaaaand now they’re throttling a cop.
  • And Dr. Creepy has seen Angel with Melissa. Wuh oh.
  • Doyle: “At least it was just his hands down there.” Hate to break it to you, Doyle, but hands can rape a body as much as what you’re thinking.
  • Dr. Creepy shot a poison dart at Angel and he may be currently incapacitated, but that can’t kill our vampire, now can it?
  • Angel’s apartment is effing massive. If I were Cordelia with her tiny place, I’d be angling the “need a roommate?” line right about now.
  • I’m gonna miss Glenn Quinn when he’s gone. It’s really such a damn shame.
  • And Melissa gets the moment Kate said she needed, taking back her power from Ronald (before Angel disassembles him). And really, he wouldn’t have fallen so completely to pieces without her having said all that.
  • Oh, I guess Ronald isn’t technically dead. Just separated into boxes buried all over the place, much like our old smurfy friend The Judge.
  • “You guys go ahead, I think I’ll stay here and not burst into flames.”
  • The plant Melissa gives Angel, is it the same one that gets destroyed by The First later? I’ll try to remember to pay attention. 


Daniel’s Thoughts:


  • Doyle’s kind of a douche.  I mean he’s supposed to be a lovable whatever, but calling Cordelia “Princess”, telling her she doesn’t need “much in the way of clothes.”  It’s pretty gross.  Another Xander nice-guy.  At least Glenn Quinn is more charming.
  • Doyle’s visions suck, too.
  • Oh man, the dramatic coat thing Angel does. 
  • I like that Doyle admits he’s at least a little attracted to Angel.
  • The damsel of the week looks familiar but IMDB didn’t tell me anything.  She also stopped working after 2003.  A lot of good 90s actresses I look up stop working in the 2000s.  It’s very sad.  I mean, I’m hoping it was her choice but…
  • The thing about Cordelia saying the R word…I mean, I’m absolutely stunned now – but back then?  Who knows if I even gave it a second thought.  I most likely didn’t.  It’s hard sometimes to go back and watch this shit.  Same with Spike being casually homophobic in the last episode.  I probably dismissed that, too. [Same to both. I didn't even clock it back then and now it's such a cringe of why. - Z]
  • Meanwhile , our damsel of the week – Melissa – is being stalked by our villain of the week.  That’s…how it works.
  • “We help the hopeless.”  Cordelia’s first time saying that!
  • Melissa’s British accent is coming out a bit.
  • “It’s terrible” “We're going to take care of that” “No, I mean the coffee.” 
  • Fun with visual effects!  Surgeon guy can take out his eye…and it can travel on his own, I guess.
  • Hey, Kate’s back.  She uncomfortably asks if Angel is there to ask for a favor or a date.  Someone’s thirsty.
  • I like these subtle references to the law firm Wolfram & Hart – we don’t know yet that they’ll be a major part of this show.
  • I looked up Elisabeth Rohm to see what she’s been up to.  I remember her guesting on Jane the Virgin but it’s nice to see her IMDb page filled with upcoming projects including Bombshell.
  • Angel’s pretty good with the undercover.  He’s fast thinking.  He gets doctor creepy to admit things about Melissa.
  • He’s not just a stalker, but a delusional stalker….which I guess is kinda redundant.
  • Cordelia’s not bad with the undercover either. She slips up a bunch but uses it to her advantage.
  • Angel says “All’s he sees.”  All’s. I am judging him.
  • Zelda and I are noticing that a lot of the sets are looking like the future Hyperion.
  • The guy who plays the hands also played Thing in The Addams Family.
  • Oh man, it’s so creepy.
  • “You should listen to him, Melissa.  He knows what he’s talking about.  He’s stalked plenty of…books on the subject.”
  • I mean as far as supervillain powers goes, it’s not great?  Just kinda creepy.
  • Ha, the shot of his ear falling off.  Well done.
  • “I didn’t do it for the money.”  Come on, Angel.  People gotta eat.  And by people, I mean your employees.
  

Crossfire!
Cop: Lady, I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong!
Z: Don’t yell at the victim!
D: Yes, let her talk! Jesus!

Favorite Lines:
Z:  “So he’s good at the cutting and the sewing. He ever strike you as a big dangerous creep?” - Cordelia
D: "You should listen to him, Melissa. He knows what he’s talking about. He’s stalked plenty of … books on the subject". - Cordelia

Arc/Continuity:
First Appearance: “We help the hopeless”
Recurring: Detective Kate Lockley
Generally Known TV Face: Brent Sexton, Andy Umberger
NOTED HAND ACTOR: Christopher Hart 
Whedonverse Hat Trick: Andy Umberger (D’Hoffryn on Buffy, Dortmunder Captain on Firefly)
Angel’s Alias: Mr. Jensen, husband of woman with an ocular tumor
Cordelia’s Alias: journalist for Journal of Diagnostic Orthoped ... Et Cetera., Jensen International Holdings receptionist


Stats:
Cordelia’s Hair – loosely straight, high ponytail with flyaways, loose bun with headband
Dead Humans – 1
Dead Undeads – 0
Dead Flashbacks – 0
Dead Lawyers – 0
Doyle/Cordelia Has a Vision – 1
Lawyered Ex Machina – 1 (Dr. Roland's restraining order)
Evil Reveal – 0
Unevil Reveal – 0
Shenanigans Called – 0
Apocalypse Called – 0
Prophecy Called – 0

Tuesday, November 12, 2019

Big Fluffy Puppy With Bad Teeth


Episode 1.03: In the Dark. Original Airdate: 10.19.99




“Spike and a colleague torture Angel in hopes of ascertaining the whereabouts of a ring that makes the wearer invincible.”








Daniel’s Thoughts:

  •  Hey, Spike's in this episode:


  • Episode starts with pretty blond girl running.
  • TW: domestic violence – which is such a big theme in 90s tv.  But it’s almost weirdly glamorized.
  • But Angel stops it!  Turns out this was planned.
  • Oh, hey it’s Spike – and he’s kinda hilarious here creating dialogue as he’s watching Angel & Rachel, the victim girl. Except for all the homophobic shit.
  • And then he gets all sinister, narrating that he’s going to kill Angel.  I mean, who is he talking to?  He’s such a grandstanding villain.  Let me monologue my plans for the audience.
  • Oh hey, It’s Oz!
  • Cordelia is so cute being excited over writing an invoice. Is it any wonder Anya was her replacement…


  • Cordy greeting Oz and being all happy to see him and then realizing they really have nothing in common.  It’s so the perfect after-high-school metaphor.
  • “Does he have a hat and a gun?” “Just fangs.” “That works.”
  • Ah, the gem of Amara.
  • Angel broods over the ring, as he’s wont to do.
  • Man, I can’t get over those giant computer monitors.
  • Angel gets jumped by Spike.  And they fight like old times.  All good.
  • Angel warns Cordelia & Doyle to stay hidden.  Good call. And I guess we’ll finally see what Doyle’s place looks like.  It’s slightly nicer than Cordelia’s.
  • Huh.  Doyle has a skull on his bookcase.
  • Angel: “Go with faith.” Me: “But Faith doesn’t show up til later.” BA DUM BUM
  • Angel’s playing with that weapon he had in the pilot where spikes come out of his sleeves.  I don’t remember him having all these contraptions.
  • The woman that Spike is feeding on is rescued by Angel and is told to run.  But what now? Does she go to the ER?  'Some vamp was draining me'? Like, I can imagine this happens a lot– How do doctors deal with this?  THIS IS A WHOLE OTHER SPINOFF THAT I WILL NOT WRITE. [CSI: Hellmouth - Z]
  • “Can we get on with the ouchy part?”
  • Spike calls Angel his sire – which I feel like we found out before this that Dru actually sired him.  I don’t remember where in that particular timeline we’re in.  Maybe we haven’t seen that Spike flashback yet. I think one of the writers explained this little plot hole that …a grand sire…is still…a sire? I guess? 
  • “Listen you little cockney”
  • Oh hey, Oz didn’t actually go home.  He’s part of the rescue team!
  • Ohh, torture vamp got the ring.
  • Hey! They’re filming on location. 
  • Angel on fire!  Oh no!
  • Ok, so I thought this might be the third episode in a row where the baddie gets killed by fire.  It would be perfect since they’re on a beach and all.  But no, he gets staked.
  • Oz, to Angel: You’re incredibly pale. Me: Like you’re one to talk, Oz.
  • The green screen of the dawn is not….great

Zelda’s Thoughts:

  • Look, it’s our first real crossover, as this is a direct follow up to BtVS episode “The Harsh Light of Day,” where Spike finds the gem of amara, then Buffy pries it off his cold, dead hand and sends Oz with it to L.A.
  • We also get possibly my favorite monologue in all of Angel, courtesy of Spike.
  • Current schmuckbait girl’s vibe is very Chantarelle/Lily/Anne




  • Wow this Lenny dude is the worst. Can we get rid of him? Maybe before he shoots her.
  • Ah, Angel to the rescue.
  • This be one of his for-hire rescues, rather than passer-by or vision-sent rescues.
  • “How can I thank you, my mysterious, black-clad hunk of a night thing? No need, little lady. Your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a badass vampire, but love and a pesky curse defanged me. Now I'm just a big fluffy puppy with bad teeth. No, not the hair! Never the hair.”
  • Ugh I love JM so much here. Could SUPER do without the homophobic stuff but it’s such a fun performance otherwise.
  • “Quickly, to the Angelmobile! Away!
  • Oz! It’s Oz, and he’s driving the van.
  • I am curious how Oz knew where to find Angel, but maybe Angel did let Buffy know where to find him, just in case.

  • “Oz.” // “Hey.” // “Nice surprise.” // “Thanks.” // “Staying long?” // “Few days.” // “Are they always like this?” // “No, we’re usually laconic.” I like the reminder that Oz has a good sense of humor, even about his brevity of speech.
  • “I’ve got something that will boost your spirits. Why don’t you put [the ring] on and then I’ll stake you! It’ll be fun!” I'm gonna miss Doyle.
  • Angel is troubled by the ring. Because Buffy sent it? Because of its power? Because it puts a target on his back? Because he fears that wearing it would make him lazy or overconfident, with nothing personal ever at stake?
  • Aw, Doyle’s wearing a claddagh ring!
  • And apparently called Oz “my little Bam-Bam” while drunk, and that’s the effing cutest.
  • So the fact that Spike waylays Angel on his way to help Rachel out again … do we … do we hear from her again? Or is it only about the Spike conflict? I don’t remember and I’m quietly worried about her.
  • “I had a plan … a good plan, smart, carefully laid out, but I got bored.” At least he’s in character. That’s how “School Hard” happened, right?
  • Spike sees Cordelia and greets her with pleased surprise. Did they … did they know each other? I mean, I know she knew who he was, but did he actually know who she was?
  • How is Cordelia being so rude about Doyle’s apartment when at least he has books on his shelves and solid painted walls?
  • Oh good, Angel did go to Rachel’s after the Spike fight.
  • Ah, a montage of Angel kicking the shit out of … they look like humans, looking for Spike. How do they all know him? I thought he was a bit of a loner, our Spike.
  • At least Angel is managing to rescue some people this episode.
  • Ah, I see they’re still painting in James’s eyebrow scar all bright and fierce.
  • Seriously though, so much sunlight hitting our vampires in this torture scene.
  • Torture man keeps asking Angel what he wants, and it’s a fair question.
  • Spike refers to Angel as his sire again, because we haven’t yet had the episode that reveals Dru was his direct sire.
  • Oh look, Spike is slutshaming Buffy again. I guess sometimes I need the reminder that even if I love James's performance, Spike is kiiiiiiiiiiiind of a villain?
  • All those tumblr posts comparing Spike to a cat … are not wrong, as he destroys everything in Angel’s kitchen, knocking everything off the shelves item by item.
  • Spike, frustrated, asks what is it about good guys that makes them run in packs. It does seem to be what keeps stymying him. Buffy was the first Slayer we saw him go after whom he couldn’t kill, and he credited that to her having friends (Joyce with the ax helped too).
  • So it turns out one of Doyle’s powers with his demon half is enhanced smell, so he’s able to find the ring where Angel hid it.
  • Oz and his van to the rescue! 
And two crossbows!


  • Oops, Spike miscalculated and it turns out our torture vamp wanted the ring after all.
  • And now his head’s on fire.
oops


  • Amazing that torture vamp found sunglasses specifically shaped to hide the worst of his vamp forehead but still show enough that we know what we’re looking at.



  • And Angel, because he’s our hero, runs out in the blazing sun to tackle the vamp into the water, and we can quietly pretend we don’t see how completely covered in flamegel the stundman is.
  • And with torture vampire ashed, Angel puts on the ring to enjoy a few minutes of sun. They’re probably enjoying the metaphor of him being washed clean etc etc
  • Oz remarks that Angel is incredibly pale and like … hi ginger boy, how are your freckles?
  • Seriously, DB has more bronze in his skin tone than Seth Green.
  • It’s still funny dialog, so long as you pretend it has no connection to reality. “He’s very pale. Paler than most people.”
  • Angel’s worried that if he lived freely in the daylight, it would be too easy for him to ignore the dark underbelly, and the unnoticed victims. Okay, sure, I know they needed to give him a reason to destroy the ring because they don’t want him to be OP, but it’s still dumb. It’s a losing battle, it’s always a losing battle, why not give yourself whatever help you can?


Favorite Lines:

Daniel: “Does he have a hat and a gun?” “Just fangs.” “That works.” - Oz and Cordelia
Zelda: “Quickly, to the Angelmobile! Away!” - Spike as Angel


Arc/Continuity:
First Appearance: Spike
Generally Known TV Face: Jenni Blong
Buffy Crossover: Oz, Spike


Stats:

Cordelia’s Hair – loopier waves
Dead Humans – 0
Dead Undeads – 1
Dead Flashbacks – 0
Dead Lawyers – 0
Doyle/Cordelia Has a Vision – 0
Lawyered Ex Machina – 0
Evil Reveal – 0
Unevil Reveal – 0
Shenanigans Called – 0
Apocalypse Called – 0
Prophecy Called – 0

Tuesday, November 5, 2019

What is This, A Lobster?

Episode 1.02: Lonely Heart. Original Airdate: 10.12.99

“Angel tracks a wormlike demon that preys on lonely hearts at a trendy nightclub.”



Zelda’s Thoughts:

  • Angel, dimly lit, pensive.
  • Doyle, weird shirt, crushing on Cordy.
  • Cordelia, bright and excited about business cards.
  • And oops the drawing of an angel might be a butterfly or an owl and maybe Cordelia should have run the art by a focus group.
  • Oooh our first seizure vision.
  • And as we see randos Kevin and Sharon meet, Kevin leads with “God, I hate places like this, don’t you?” (which is only important as setting up a red herring later in the ep)
  • Oh hey, the bartender is Bodie from Dawson’s Creek.
  • “The services our friend Angel provides might put people in mind of the V word.” // “Vampire?” // “No, vigilante.”
  • IT’S KATE. HI KATE.
HI ZELDA


  • I like that her first line is asking if Angel is okay. It’s the same impulse that drives Angel, I think. Looking for a way to help, to make the world better.
  • Doyle calls the visions he gets his gift. Cordy: “If that was my gift, I’d return it.” WILL SHE THOUGH. (Well, yeah, I mean, she’ll try.)
  • “But I’ll know it when I see it.” // “Would you?”
  • The thing is, is Kate coming on like this because she thinks he might be the serial killer, or because she’s interested? Or an awkward bit of both?
  • Aaaaand Doyle’s in a fight with two randos because they assumed Cordelia, handing out cards (that have, for the record, no name of the business, just a drawing), must be a prostitute.
  • And Angel, looking to help people, has left Kate behind and she leaves.
  • Ah, back to Kevin and Sharon, having had sex but both feeling empty.
  • Kevin asks to hold her, and it’s a clever bait and switch they set up to us, with Sharon walking away and Kevin emptied out. We think Sharon is the actual baddie, not realizing it’s a parasite passing from body to body.
  • I’m pleased Angel listened to me during the Pilot and got a computer for the office.
  • “You can go to hell.” // “Been there, done that.” Good line, meh delivery.
  • “Ugh, demons, is there anything more disgusting?” And oops Doyle’s face. Just tell her, Doyle!
  • Angel’s on the case! Paging quickly through a phone book to find Sharon’s address.
  • And Sharon and new rando are post-coital, still feeling nothing, and she asks him to roll over so she can spoon him. Time for another body transfer for our parasite.
  • And Angel is able to burst into the apartment – not a good sign – because Sharon is already dead.
  • But Angel is here in time to see it finish swiveling its way into new guy’s body, who turns and says “You’re not human.”
  • GASP! Kate is a detective!
  • Why are we meeting at Cordelia’s apartment instead of the office? Oh, right, Kate might come looking for Angel there, now we know she’s a detective with detective resources.
  • The guys need to stop being such shits about Cordelia’s home. She has no money and they’re her guests. Also remember when Angel lived on the streets? Don’t be shits.
  • Montage of Angel hunting for the demon, of Kate snooping through Angel’s office and home, and another dead human.
  • So far the dead human count on this series is not looking good for our heroes.
  • Demon is named Tahlmer.
  • Oh and a rando approaches Kate with “God I hate places like this, don’t you.” So we think he’s the parasite, because TRICK.
  • Because actually Bartender Bodie is the current carrier and he’s knocked Kate out intending to transfer to her … even though they haven’t had sex? I thought sex was supposed to happen before the transfer? I’m confused. [I don't think sex is necessary - like the guy before who I assume couldn't get it up - I think it's just the being close part- D]
  • So we don’t see her die, but I guess we can assume another woman died when the parasite transferred to Bartender Bodie.
  • And Angel tries to Batman grappling hook his way out of the basement, but oops the beam broke.
  • It’s okay, Angel, Kate’s got this.
  • Bodie’s looking worse and worse, begging women to let him hold them. 

  • And as human and parasite burn to death, Kate shoots for good measure.
  • And the version the police are getting, and that Kate believes, is that the bartender was behind all of it.
  • Kate admits she searched Angel’s place so they can “start fresh, no secrets.” Um, good luck with that?

Daniel’s Thoughts:

  • Lonely Hearts will become a theme on this show.
  • The episode starts, like most, with Angel brooding.
  • Doyle: we deserve a night of fun.    Really?  They’ve had one case.
  • And thus also begins Doyle’s crush on Cordelia.
  • Angel’s got a business card!  And it’s hilarious that they don’t know the drawing is an angel.
  • And I remember this story of the week and it’s kinda cool.  It’s very sci-fi horror-esque.
  • What kind of club is this?  It’s weird.  Is this what LA was like in the 90s? It’s just so quiet for a bar.
  • I love Cordelia’s just giving out cards.
  • “I’m an actress.”  So we’re still doing that, huh?
  • And we’re introduced to Kate – someone who could have been a great recurring character if she didn’t just disappear off the face of the earth one day.
  • I love that Kate and Angel are both kinda working each other for information, though we don’t know about Kate yet.
  • “I’m a veterinarian.”   Weird lie, but ok.
  • Kate actually looks like she feels rejected. 
  • This bar looks like the Hyperion, too.

So...does every building in LA look like this or?

  • This bartender reminds me of Wes from HtGAwM
  • Angel’s back at the bar, as is Kate.
  • Doyle & Cordelia doing book studyin’ of demons: Willow would be proud.
  • “She’s with some Screech.” Really?    I guess he’s TV ugly? I mean, not even.  Ick, this episode is not good for my self-esteem.
  • Omg! Dude gets Aliened!
  • Ooh, but plot twist – the alien goes from body to body.  It’s kind of a cool concept and definitely unexpected.
  • Oh man, the 90s looks are distracting me from this fight.   All the black over-sized sweaters.
  • What?? Kate’s a cop??
  • Angel: Do you really live here?  Me: Rude.
  • “It’s a burrower.”  “It’s a donkey?  We didn’t see any donkey demons.”
  • It’s gotta keep trying to make a connection. Do you get the metaphor yet???
  • Kate’s a good detective, though.  She found out where Angel lives/works.
  • Montage of death!  What is this song, though?
  • Kate reveals herself to bartender Wes who is so obviously the new bad guy.  And he proves it by concocting an obviously false story that Angel is in the back.
  • Parasite donkey demon’s skinsuit is falling apart and he’s having trouble making a connection.
  • Continuity, I guess – Angel uses his utility belt thing, the grappling hook.
  • Second bad guy to die by fire in two weeks.
  • Oh man, that fake LA street is just so…fake.
  • What kinda sucks is that the innocent bartender is now known as a serial killer...  What about his family, his friends?  That just really bites.

Crossfire!
"Dowdy"

Dudebro: Sharon? That dowdy chick?
Daniel: In what UNIVERSE is she dowdy?
Zelda: She didn’t wear eye makeup.





Favorite Lines:
Zelda:  “The services our friend Angel provides might put people in mind of the V word.” // “Vampire?” // “No, vigilante.” - Doyle & Cordelia
Daniel: “It’s a burrower.” “It’s a donkey? We didn’t see any donkey demons.” - Angel, Cordelia

Arc/Continuity:
First Appearance: Detective Kate Lockley
Generally Known TV Face: Elisabeth Rohm
Whedonverse Hat Trick: Lilli Birdsell and Derek Hughes (Lucy Bauer and The Amazing Mertz on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., respectively)


Stats:
Cordelia’s Hair – curled at the ends
Dead Humans – 5 (even though we don’t see the final woman’s death)
Dead Undeads – 1
Dead Flashbacks – 0
Dead Lawyers – 0
Doyle Has a Vision – 1
Lawyered Ex Machina – 0
Evil Reveal – 1 (Bartender carried the burrower demon)
Unevil Reveal – 1 (Sharon carried the burrower demon but wasn’t the actual predator)
Shenanigans Called – 0
Apocalypse Called – 0
Prophecy Called – 0