Don't Make CaveSlayer Unhappy

Episode 4.5: Beer Bad. Original Airdate 11.2.99

"Xander finds employment as a bartender at a pub where some of Buffy's friends turn into terrifying Cro-Magnon creatures." [I do believe I have to call a shenanigan on that description, imdb. - Z]

Daniel's Thoughts:

• I don’t hate this episode like most people seem to.  Sure, the metaphor is heavy-handed but I think it's meant to be...for comedy's sake.  But there's a lot of funny & I love the Willow/Parker conversation.
• Haha, I totally forgot about this amazing opener where Buffy fights an impressive amount of vamps….and it’s totally for real.
• Psych!
• And I hate so much that she’s still hung up on Parker because he’s such a douche.
• And then harsh reality … college.
• Is Professor Walsh quoting a Janet Jackson song?  Nope,  it’s an actual psychological term… The Pleasure Principle.
• “I’m the new bartender at the pub."  That…one pub in Sunnydale…?  In a college town? (With that one Starbucks, I know...)
• And who the hell would hire Xander?  He doesn't have a bartending license, I’m assuming.  Also, who the hell would hire Xander?
• Stop it Buffy.  Please stop being pathetic.  I want you to be better than me.
• And what a surprise,  Xander is terrible at his job.
• RILEY IS A BIG BIG TREE.
• He’s so goofy and lovable and HOW CAN ANYONE HATE RILEY?
• Shut up douchey college guy.  Leave Xander alone.  (Did I just say that?)
• You don’t need ID, Xander.  That college student is at least 35.
• Man, freshman year of college can be so wonderful and so horrible at the same time
• Hey! It’s Kumar! 

• They have really strange lighting at the Bronze that makes a big spotlight on the table.

• Ick, Veruca.  We hate Veruca.
• Faith mention!
• I love Willow’s impression of the Veruca/Oz meeting that we didn’t see.  I imagine it was similar.
• Sorry, if someone just stole your sandwich out of your mouth, wouldn’t you do something about it?
• Aww.  Don’t like Oz/Willow awkwardness.
• What an interesting pub.  It looks like a wilderness society.
• How come these four and Buffy are the only ones affected by this beer?
• And starts my favorite part of this episode.  The Willow/Parker scenes
• Willow, “I’m tired of you men and your manness.”  Spoilers!
• The thing is, I don’t hate Parker’s philosophy.  Except he can’t assume that everyone feels the same way.  There’s nothing wrong with casual sex as long as both parties are honest with what they want. And he's lying about being sorry that he misled Buffy. That's part of his strategy. Though sometimes I feel he actually believes what he's saying.
• I wonder what Kathy would have had to say with Buffy drawing on the walls.
• Willow’s face.  Oh my God.  When Parker grabs her hand.  She’s trying so hard not to laugh.
• “Just how gullible do you think I am?”  I love it.
• Ah Willow, nailing the plot on its head.
• Where is the staff of this café? And…the other patrons?  And why are they not just at the Bronze?  THERE ARE OTHER PLACES TO HANG OUT IN SUNNYDALE?
• "Blonde, about this tall, walks with a sort of a sideways limp." That extra’s face, omg.

• Oh fake town. 
• Willow is so pleased, as am I, with the end of Parker.

Zelda's Thoughts:

• Apparently everyone but Daniel and me hate this episode? I think it's funny.
• Oh yeah the Parker dreams. I totally forgot about this.
• Stunt Buffy's hair is looking lovely and flowy tonight.
• Parking lot graveyard! Everybody do a shot!
• So um why is Parker, an upperclassman, in Buffy's freshman Psych class? Shenanigans!
• Thank you, Professor Walsh, for telling us the themes of the episode. Id, Ego, and the other thing.
• I admit, Parker with ice cream and an open shirt had me laughing like a moron.
• "Come on, Buff, be a lonely drunk!" Xander, predicting the future.
• "Mon frere means brother." Hey, Buffy learned French!
• "I don't believe this is entirely on the up and up." // "What gave it away?" // "Looking at it." The banter is awesome so far. Why the hate?
• Buffy, stop stop stop. Let go of Parker. You're projecting your Angel-heartbreak and it's uncomfortable for everyone.
• "NOTHING CAN DEFEAT THE PENIS." I freaking love his delivery. I make no apologies. This is a line I wish I could use in regular conversation, except, you know, not.
• Hey, an Asian person! With lines! You go, UC Sunnydale!
• Oh hi Riley. I kind of forgot about you during our hiatus.
• I can't wait for Buffy to stop crushing on Parker. Even if it means Riley time.
• Oh hey a pretentious college bar douche. Was this before or after Good Will Hunting? [After - imdb]
• "I'm a slut." // "No." HEY, Xander saying right things! Let us not slutshame Buffy for making a mistake with a horrible man.
• GODDAMMIT GO AWAY, VERUCA, NO ONE WANTS YOU HERE. Also stop eyefucking Oz.
• God, poor Willow. She can see it happening, and she's trying to pretend she's not seeing it happen. 
• SMG is good at playing starting-to-get-tipsy as she keeps fidgeting her hand to try to look like she's following the conversation.
• "I'm suffering the afterness of a bad night of badness."
• I like that Willow doesn't judge Buffy when she thinks she had group sex with four guys, just asks if she can help. Good friend Willow.
• Willow's reference to Parker being in class confirms he wasn't sitting in class to perv on another freshman, so I reiterate WHY IS HE IN THAT CLASS WITH THEM.
• Yes, because when I am secretly poisoning beer, I like to have random vials of different-colored water randomly bubbling.

Half of these vials aren't even connected to anything.

• What's extra sad is, I think Oz doesn't see what he's doing, what's going on. He doesn't see that Veruca's kind of hypnotized him, even though Willow does. He doesn't see the danger and it's SO AWKWARD AND SAD.
• Okay, so now we're in the campus coffee place, which is different from the campus bar, which is different from the Espresso Pump, which is different from the Bronze. I guess that's cool, that Sunnydale has more than one watering hole. But hey how can I track all the things when there are so many things?
• "People shouldn't have to preface casual sex with 'just so you know, I'll never grow any older with you.'" Yeah, but they should maybe preface it with "beeteedubs this is totes casual, 'kay?"
• aaaaaaaand it's caveman time. Well, almost. Buffy as a caveperson cracks me up, but the four neanderthals are kind of whatever to me.
• Hey where's Giles? This random thought brought to you by Zelda Being Bored with Cavemen.
• "Fire bad. Fire pretty. Fire angry!"
• Haha Xander's just like "...you do realize you're a crazy person, right, boss?" Xander's always the one discovering the evilness of purveyors of food and beverage, isn't he?
• "You're a bad, bad man!" Hey, I'm totally calling that as a musical theater reference, and no one can take that from me.
• Giles! Hi Giles!
• "I didn't know it was evil!" // "You knew it was beer!" // "Well, excuse me, Mr. I-spent-the-sixties-in-an-electric-Kool-Aid-funky-Satan-groove." // "It was the earlie seventies and you should know better." I like the buddyness of Xander and Giles this season, both of them feeling a bit useless.
• Willow's dopey smile. The first time I watched this I was so mad at her for falling for Parker's shit, but now I know what's coming, so it's okay. "Just how gullible do you think I am?" I freaking love it. Willow for the win, y'all. "This isn't sharing, this isn't connecting."
• Although the "men haven't changed since the dawn of time" followed by Attack of the Cavemen is, you know, a little blunt.
• haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Buffy in the rolly chair.

• SMG clearly had so much fun with this episode.
• Everyone's been knocked unconscious EXCEPT Giles this episode. I'm impressed, show.
• I wonder if Kal Penn ever looks back on his time on Buffy and goes "...humyeah."

• I'm gonna take Buffy's "Fire bad" as a shoutout to Graduation Day.
• Aw CaveSlayer thinks "hey, fire extinguisher fights fire right? um..." *throws*
• I like that even when she's CaveSlayer, she still has her hero instincts - stop the fire, rescue the Willow. Whereas the caveboys are just like "cower cower hey escape! let's do that!"
• So like where the hell's the fire department.
• Hey Xander helps with the rescue. Go Xander! (sometimes I just say things to try to get a rise out of Daniel)
• Buffy knocking Parker out: never not funny.
• Oh hai firemen. You're only an hour late to the party. SUNNYDALE'S NOT THAT BIG.
• "What did we learn about beer?" // "Foamy." // "Good, just as long as that's clear."
• She did it again! She knocked Parker out again! GO BUFFY GO.
• Parker's apology might mean more if we didn't know he's gonna be a shit about Buffy behind her back in The Initiative.

Favorite Lines:

Daniel: "Just how gullible do you think I am?" - Willow being awesome.

Zelda: I can't find a gif, but after Buffy knocks Parker out (the second time), and all the Scoobies look at him with satisfaction, then turn to leave, CaveSlayer turns the wrong way and has to be corrected by Xander. Subtle and adorable.

Arc/Continuity Stuff:

• Recurring: Parker, Walsh, Riley, Veruca
• Willow compares Veruca to Faith.
• Xander reminds us that Smoking Is Bad.

Stats:

Oz's Hair - red

Xander's Job - Bartender

Dead Humans - 0

Dead Undeads - 0

Dead Fantasy - 6

Giles Unconscious - 0

Giles Cleans His Glasses - 0

Buffy Breaks a Door - 0

Evil Reveal - 1 (Jack the barkeep)

Unevil Reveal - 0

Shenanigans Called - 1

Apocalypse Called - 0