PLEASE NOTE: THIS IS A SPOILER-RICH ZONE. If your diet requires you to dine on television spoiler-free ... good luck with that.


Tuesday, December 11, 2018

Move Uranus, the Mercury's Rising

Episode 3.1: Welcome Wagon. Original Airdate 10.03.06

"Veronica is in true form from the moment she and boyfriend, Logan, along with close friends, Wallace and Mac, set foot on the campus of Hearst College. Wallace enlists Veronica's help when his new roommate, Piz, has all his belongings stolen. While working on Piz's case, Veronica learns that the campus serial rapist has struck again. Meanwhile, Keith runs into trouble while transporting a recently released convict through the desert to reunite him with Kendall."

Daniel's Thoughts:

  • Welcome back to Veronica Mars.  Veronica’s in college now!
  • It’s really funny how Buffy’s & Veronica’s first college episodes are both about Freshman getting robbed of all their stuff.
  • “New School, Fresh Start – how about you try not to piss anyone off this time around.” 
  • Veronica is of course taking Intro to Criminology.
  • “Murder of the Riverboat Queen” – first assignment  - I was just on a riverboat queen!  (On the Mississippi from New Orleans to Memphis) 
There was a welcome band literally right outside my cabin

  • [But did you get murdered? - Z]
  • Of course, Veronica solves the case given to her by her professor in record time, but for some reason she sits there with a magazine just to be a douche?  Just to make the douchey assistant come up to her so she could make him look like a dick?  Or I guess to make the teacher ask her the question that would make her choose from the 50/50….still feels weird.  Feels like making enemies in her very first class.
  • So Veronica & Logan are together again… He tells Veronica that Dick is kind of a mess from what happened to his brother last year.  We’ll see how long that lasts.
  • Vinnie Van Lowe!  He wants to work with Keith.  Keith says no, but when Chekhov places a Vinnie Van Lowe in the first act, he will be fired off by the last act.
  • Veronica “the one handed self-portrait” – Do…You mean a selfie?  I guess that word wasn't invented yet?  Apparently not til 2013 
  • I’m glad that Veronica & Keith ended up going to NYC together this summer.
  • BACK-UP!
  • And we’re introduced to Piz – who is roommate to Wallace.
  • Oh no!  Piz’s things are gone!  Time to call in our teen detective.
  • Early 2000s nerd: "Frak"
  • So now we’re introduced to the season arc – at least part of the season.  And it’s a continuation from an episode last year where there was a serial rapist who was shaving the heads of the women they raped.
  • Mac is back and a regular!
  • And there’s Dick.  Looking good in a speedo, tbh – but also being a total…well…Dick.
  • I guess we’re not done with the Fitzpatricks. Oy.
  • Whoa, Veronica & Logan – hot and heavy.
  • Logan actually looks happy which is nice.
  • Deputy Sachs!  College doesn’t mean we have to stop seeing our regulars or our recurrings.
  • Hey, it’s Parker!  She was on another show right after Veronica Mars that I really liked her in.  It was called Eli Stone
  • OMG Veronica is wearing that thing on her arms that looks like sleeves of tattoos but are just…sleeves.  That was popular for like a year.

  • Dick has a run-in with Mac – and he’s of course…a dick.  Calling Mac Beav’s beard.  I know he's hurting but it's just cruel.
  • Oh Mac.  Veronica avoids breaking in by having Mac doing her a favor.
  • I mean, we realize Dick is acting like a dick because his world has exploded.  But how can you tell? Since he’s a total dick anyway. [yeah I'm not seeing a huge shift in his behavior from like any episode ever - Z]
  • I love Piz’s question to Veronica about why she does it – and she doesn’t really come up with a definitive answer.  I mean, her answer “because I’m good at it” is good enough – but of course, not the whole truth.
  • Veronica walks in on…something she doesn’t realize.  Parker is being raped…and Veronica thinks just regular college shenanigans are going on.
  • And bye bye Kendall.  Get home safe, Keith.
  • I’m glad they didn’t just drop Dick’s story.  I’m glad they followed through.  It’s crazy to feel sorry for such a dick…but.
  • And there it is – poor Parker….and our short season arc.

Zelda's Thoughts:

  • omg it's been so long!
  • First shot includes a Take Back the Night banner, because this is the rape season (even though every season is a rape around here)
  • Oh right Prof Landry and Tim isn't-he-also-Lucky Foyle
  • Prof Landry: "The current record for solving this case is 16 minutes, courtesy of the amazing Mr. Foyle." V's face: challenge accepted
  • And she looks up the answer online
  • Also her hair looks gorgeous this season.

  • I'd say she's unnecessarily dickish to Tim, but he was condescending and dickish to her first, so.
  • Hi emo college years credits. Also hi Sheriff Lamb in the credits (more importantly: HI MAC IN THE  CREDITS)
  • And Logan explains how contrivance managed to get all our friends from Neptune High into Hearst, our convenient university
  • It's interesting that we're sitting on answering the questions left open by the end of last season, esp regarding Keith.
  • "I hate you." // "You love me." // "Yeah but it's all instinct."
  • "Did you make any friends?" // "Lord no." // "Enemies?" // "...." Ah Keith knows Veronica so well.
  • Man I'm jealous of the layout of Wallace and Piz's dorm room and I want to steal it.
  • Gasp! Piz's stuff got stolen! We've got our case of the week!
  • And we've got our instacrush, because Veronica is a knockout.
  • The RA uses loose tea, plays string instrumental, and uses Battlestar Gallactica slang. Man, to be a student again.
  • Boo, there's another woman with a shaved head. This is jumping way ahead, but it's kind of amazing the rapist gets caught, considering how many get away with it.
  • MAC. HI MAC.
  • and hi Dick
  • wheeeee V and Logan are doin' it because they're all adultish now
  • also I cannot remember why Keith and Cormac are on a road trip except I think it has something to do with Kendall and her Pulp Fiction briefcase?
  • Oh look Dick's being a dick to Mac. "My little brother never cared about you. You were just his beard." Fuck you very much and why are you on this show.
  • The clothes V brings for Piz -- are they Duncan's?
  • Ugh the male gaze in this episode. Sure, V calls it out with "you two have fun being gross" but it's just so THICK and I'm just tired
  • gasp! Veronica volunteering for mentoring was just to get into the records for the dude with the guitar! It's all so convoluted
  • aw and Logan's being very sweet with Veronica my shippppppppppppppppp

  • and rando guy is beating up Dick, for unspoken reason ... not surprised
  • And Logan recognizes that Piz is wearing Duncan's shirt (dang, this transcript points out that Logan has also borrowed this shirt. that thing gets around!).
  • Wow, I'd half remembered that guitar guy was part of the crime conspiracy, but I'd forgotten the three nimrod teens were part of it too. The deflection of the chubby-blonde-who's-actually-skinny, etc., was a well-functioning red herring.
  • So this whole road trip was just delivering Cormac to Kendall? I...?
  • Oh right, Vinnie was tapping the whole convo. Vinnie, you shit.
  • ... did Logan just throw his toothbrush on the couch? like ... ew?
  • shoutout to V's old job at Java the Hut.
  • shit, Parker got raped :(
  • and so THAT story arc continues


Z: This ep is called Welcome Wagon
D: Oh this is the one where her stuff gets stolen
Z: Wait, what?
D: And then she has to go fight vampires!
Z: We need more variety in our TV.

Favorite Lines:

Daniel: Keith: All right, honey. Give Logan my regards as you're shaking his hand good night and I'll be sure to call unexpectedly again.
Zelda: Keith: "Did you make any friends?" Veronica: "Lord no." Keith: "Enemies?" Veronica: "...."


Neptune Roll Call: Logan, Wallace, Dick, Parker, Piz, Mac (Absent: Sheriff Don Lamb, Weevil)
First Appearance: Professor Hank Landry, Timothy Foyle, Piz, Cormac Fitzpatrick, Parker, Moe Flater, Nancy Cooper, Fern Delgado
Recurring: Vinnie Van Lowe, Deputy Jerry Sacks, Kendall Casablancas
Wait a Gosh-Dern Second: Yes, Tim Foyle is played by James Jordan, who also played Lucky last season. But, you know, different hair, so


Dead Humans - 1
Backup Sighting - 1
Veronica Breaks In - 0
Veronica Tases Someone - 0
Logan Tases Someone - 1
Mac Hacks - 0
Who's Your Daddy? - 0
Wallace Does Veronica a Favor - 0
Veronica Wants a Pony - 0
Logan Punches Someone - 0 
Dick's Single Entendres - 1 "I mean is this thing we feel real or are we just in it for the torso butter?"
Shenanigans Called - 0

1 comment:

  1. Veronica solving that murder mystery game always rubbed me the wrong way. Like she came off super dickish and her big one up to the condescending guy was that she cheated. I don't know, I don't think that would have flown because that wasn't really the point of the exercise. She didn't solve the case, she looked up the answer and that doesn't feel like something Veronica would do if she's supposed to have an inquisitive mind. It all just felt off.