PLEASE NOTE: THIS IS A SPOILER-RICH ZONE. If your diet requires you to dine on television spoiler-free ... good luck with that.


Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Buffy, the Dog-Faced Girl

Episode 3.9: The Wish. Original Airdate 12.8.98.

"Cordelia's wish for a Buffy-free Sunnydale comes true, plunging her into a world where vampires have control of the town."

Daniel's Thoughts:

  • Eww, octopus demon.
  • "Nerf! Nerf!"
  • "No Poof?" :)
  • I'm glad Buffy realizes that slaying isn't necessarily a solo thing.  Yay, friends!
  • Xander: "....positively the last time."  Sure...cause you got caught.
  • Poor Cordy.
Willow is not as excited...
  • Queen C looking AH-MAHZING.

  • Asian Cordette is so freaking skinny.
  • And Emmy winning writer, Jonathan!  Go date Jonathan, Cordy.
  • Ok, so now we're introduced to Anya...and well, here's my beef.  Yep, I already have a beef.  One of Anya's major character personality traits is that she doesn't get humans.  I mean, that's her thing, right?  Except right away, she gets close to Cordy by calling out her Prada bag.  Whether she knows about fashion or not, she at least does her research to get close to her conquests. So what, does she get all lazy when she becomes human?
  • Oz's speech to Willow is pretty much perfect.  He doesn't yell; he just states the facts: "I told you what I need. So I can't help feeling like the reason you want to talk is so you can feel better about yourself.  That's not my problem."  I think we like Oz because we all want to talk like that.  We all want to make sense, but when we're hurt, we just lash out and yell and don't make sense.  Aspire to be like Oz.  
  • "High School student" John Lee is like 45.
  • "I don't wish, I act."  I love Anya's face when Cordy says this. ==>
  • And then later at the Bronze...she's just buying her time listening to the boring boys. ==>
  • I like that Buffy doesn't want to be anti-Cordy.  She knows how hurt Cordy is and doesn't automatically side with her two best friends.
  • And the difference between Willow and Xander: Willow at least seems to be taking part of the blame.  Xander just keeps putting the blame on others.
  • Ok, the rules of this wish thing get a little mixed up, too.  I mean, does the wisher need to wear the necklace?  It seems so here, even though Anya was trying to get Cordy to make a wish before without it.  Maybe it just helps encourage the wisher to wish... [I'm gonna call Contrivance Fairy and say that she's wearing it when dealing with AlternaGiles, so he is able to use it as a Clue for Detecting. - Z]
  • Buffyless Sunnydale is scary!  And...also a little bit Goth.
  • they have a monthly memorial!  Why doesn't anyone move...?
  • SHENANIGANS! Cordy leaves school around 3p...and she's still walking home when it's completely dark out.  Does it really take her that long to walk home?
  • "Bored now!" I'm not! 
  • Ok, Xander is almost sexy as a vampire.  Shut up.
  • Giles & Oz & Larry &....some chick as the Scoobies!
  • "Everyone knows that Vampires are attracted to bright colors"   What?!
  • Oh, The Master.  I've missed your wit.
  • Willow and Xander feeding on Cordy is so surreal.
  • Also surreal? The master drinking an espresso.
For the discerning blood-drinker.
  • It would have been kind of cool if Jesse were here.
  • "The entire world sucks because one dead ditz made a wish?" - Larry.  Awesome.
  • Buffy looks gross! And she's acting like Faith.  This is what Buffy would be like with no friends....(see beginning of episode).
  • This factory bit in the video game: Chaos Bleeds. You have to save someone from the conveyor belt.
  • Dead Angel! Dead Xander! Oz kills Willow!  Dead Buffy!  THIS IS ALL SO SAD.
  • did Anya get the necklace back?  Is there a set?
  • Aww, Poor Anya.  I think this is the first time I realized that Anya doesn't remember the alternate world either. 
  • Wow, what a great episode.  It's just so well constructed and written.

Zelda's Thoughts:

  • It's another wise move, to open with a sunlit slay: Buffy in pink, Willow in overalls - they look so clean and wholesome. Contrast for future darkness!
  • Thanks, show, for expositing where the hell Faith is.
  • Xander, stop trying to justify. At least he does seem to realize how stupid he's being.
  • It's cute they're asking Buffy how to deal with breakups.
  • Xander's voicemails, all so chipper. Maybe he could try sounding contrite? Maybe that would be a useful tactic?
  • Love Anya's subtle look of disdain at Harmony's insipidness.
  • I only just realized the Asian Cordette is the girl on the sacrificial conveyor belt in AlternaSunnydale.
  • Poor Cordy. Poor Jonathan.
  • "What I did, when I think that I hurt you ..." // "Yeah, you said all that stuff already." I fucking love Oz. Calling Willow out on what she's actually trying to do, feel better rather than make ... AMENDS.
  • John Lee's treatment of Cordy might actually be the most humiliating - offering to hook up with her where no one could catch them. Man, fuck you, dude.
  • I do like that both Willow and Xander want to get back together with their exes, rather than trying to pursuing a relationship with each other, now they've been caught, which would happen on most other shows. They recognize it was just stupid lustyness and not the actual foundation for a relationship. This way, they actually get to keep their friendship for the next four seasons. And we get to keep Oz. You know, for a bit.
  • Cordelia's hair is just stunning, I have to say.
  • When Cordy says Buffy made Xander cooler - I love the look of interest on Anya's face. "Really?" Is she intrigued by Buffy or by Xander?
  • Scary Veiny Good Fairy. This could also be the name of my band.
  • Winter Brunch. Winter Brunch, you guys. Lookit that curfew.
  • It's telling how few kids there are in the classroom - so many empty desks.
  • "Come-bite-me outfit." Nice, show.
Totally a real street. In a real town.
  • VampXander is kinda hot though. I like how much more confident he is.
  • "Bored now." I just got chills because of what I know that line will come to mean.
  • "I love this part." // "You love all the parts."
  • Man, AH shines as VampWillow
  • Hi Larry! Welcome to the White Hats. I actually really love that Giles's team of defenders includes Larry and Oz and ... redshirt girl, whoever she is. Nancy? Nancy.
  • "Slap my hand, dead soul man." That was really dorky, VampXander.
  • "Old crush, actually." SHENANIGANS. Jesse had a crush on Cordy, not Xander.
  • "Somebody has to talk to her people. That name is striking fear in nobody's hearts."
  • "But people were happy ... mostly." 
  • Man, it's so cruel, making poor Giles watch Cordelia's murder through the cage. "You're in a big cage." AH's delivery is amazing.
  • Hey. Hey Giles. Word to the wise? If YOU can break out of your book cage, you a mere human, STOP TRYING TO STOW WEREWOLVES IN IT.
  • Blood espresso. Because of course.
  • I would like to ask where the hell Darla and Luke are in all this.
  • "Well, it happens, you know, that Sunnydale is on a Hellmouth ... IT IS SO!" 
  • Oh hey. Angel the Puppy. Breathing Heavily and Erratically 101. Maybe he taught Kristen Stewart.
  • See how slowly Angel is to burn with DIRECT CONTACT WITH FIRE? Because he is a special unique snowflake vampire.
  • "Its the symbol of Anyanka." Oz, dryly: "I don't think I know her."
  • Awwwwwwww AlternaBuffy. You're so stoic and businesslike and you have a scar and also a BRAID and a SENSIBLE OUTFIT for slaying, what is happening.
  • Also AlternaBuffy is much less creative and inventive with her slaying methods.
  • This whole exchange. "World is what it is. We fight. We die. Wishing doesn't change that." // "I have to believe in a better world." // "Go ahead. I have to live in this one."
  • "I don't play well with others." That line was used in so many promos on FX. Kinda weird, considering it's not true of OUR Buffy.
  • I really freaking love how much AlternaBuffy doesn't give a shit about Angel.
  • "I waited. I waited here for you ... but you never..." Okay, that is kind of heartbreaking. But then he says destiny and I throw up in my mouth a little.
  • This episode is a really great acting showcase for our Scoobies. Well, not really Cordelia. Or Angel. But Buffy, Willow, and Xander all get to stretch.
  • "They claim that death is our art." Hey! That's Buffy's gift! Back off!
Did I fucking stutter?
  • Man, Anyanka needs a coughdrop.
  • "She's still alive, you see. For the freshness." That giddiness right there? That's what's awesome about the Master.
  • I really love everything about the moment when the fight begins. Buffy, badass but not thinking creatively, just up and aims her crossbow at the Master and is stone-cold cool about it. And the Master, without blinking, is like "hey Xander pal, wanna take that for me?" No one dives in front of him, he doesn't try to catch the arrow, he grabs someone as a shield. Love it all.
  • And then the fight itself is so heartbreaking. Buffy and Willow fighting, loathing in their eyes. Angel dies and Buffy doesn't care. Buffy kills Xander in slow mo and walks away. Oz kills Willow. I CAN'T HANDLE THIS. AND THE SAD MUSIC. ALL THE FEELS.
  • And then the Master. The fucking Master. He just snaps her neck, and even then it doesn't look like she cares that much. Maybe there's a little bit of the sad girl, but ...
  • Bless you, Giles. I fucking love you so much. "Because it has to be." I fucking you love. All the feels.
  • Awww Anya. Frustrated face. "Done. Done. Done."


D: I wonder if Oz and Larry are together in this universe.
Z: I don't think Oz is gay just because he turned his girlfriend gay!
D&Z: Crossfire!

Favorite Lines:

Daniel: "Your logic does not resemble our Earth logic" ~Buffy (I've used this many times).
Zelda: Anya: "You trusting fool!  How do you know the other world is any better than this?" Giles: "Because it has to be."

90s Factoid:
Sparkly, sparkly outfits.

Arc/Continuity Stuff:

  • Willow and Xander were caught making out, and now are broken up with Oz and Cordelia.
  • Harmony's back! So are Jonathan and Larry.
  • Anya's first appearance.
  • In AlternaSunnydale, the Master has risen and taken over Sunnydale, and Willow and Xander are vampires, because Buffy wasn't here to stop it. And Jesse, Darla, and Luke are nowhere to be seen. Giles has recruited Oz, Larry, and Nancy to the White Hats Club.
  • There is a great deal of demonic activity in Cleveland.
  • No one - not even Anya - remembers AlternaSunnydale.


NOTE: Introducing a New Stat for this episode only: since most of the death in this episode gets cancelled out when Anyanka's amulet is destroyed, we think it shouldn't count for the overall deathcount.

Oz's Hair - strawberry blond
Anya's Hair - brown shoulder-length, swept bangs
AlternaDead Humans - 6
AlternaDead Undeads - 6
Dead Humans - 0
Dead Undead - 2
Dead Flashbacks - 0
Giles Unconscious - 0
Giles Cleans His Glasses - 0
Buffy Breaks a Door - 1
Evil Reveal - 1 (Anya)
Unevil Reveal - 0
Shenanigans Called - 2
Apocalypse Called - 0


  1. I just love this episode. All of it. Also, I use the "your logic does not resemble our Earth logic." line a lot too. :)

  2. Ok, so now we're introduced to Anya...and well, here's my beef. Yep, I already have a beef. One of Anya's major character personality traits is that she doesn't get humans. I mean, that's her thing, right? Except right away, she gets close to Cordy by calling out her Prada bag. Whether she knows about fashion or not, she at least does her research to get close to her conquests. So what, does she get all lazy when she becomes human?

    My guess is its a slight telepathic/camouflaging technique that allows her to get close to her...victims? charges? clients?

    Ok, the rules of this wish thing get a little mixed up, too. I mean, does the wisher need to wear the necklace?

    No I think the people Anya usually deals with make wishes fairly quickly, I was always under the impression that by giving Cordy the Necklace she would have been able to hear the wish from where ever she was.

    D: I wonder if Oz and Larry are together in this universe.
    Z: I don't think Oz is gay just because he turned his girlfriend gay!

    No but with Oz's personality, its easy to imagine him as Bisexual or Pansexual. He seems the type to be more interested in a persons insides than outsides. But not in an Angelus-y way.

  3. Late to the blog party here, but I always wondered how Cordelia was even alive in AlternaSunndydale. Wasn’t she almost Luke’s first victim at the Bronze in The Harvest? If Buffy never came to Sunnydale, Cordelia would have died then.

    Also, I wonder what made Buffy’s mom decide to move to Cleveland... and did AlternaBuffy ever tell her that she’s the Slayer? I feel like she probably would have and been kind of a jerk about it there, too.

    1. There's a part of me that headcanons that Joyce is nowhere near Cleveland, that Buffy ran away from home. AlternaBuffy definitely doesn't vibe for me as the Buffy who lives with and trusts her mom.

      It's a good point you make about Cordelia, but I guess if we do butterfly-effect stuff, there could have been some other confluence that kept Cordelia from the Bronze that night?