My Hat Has a Cow

Episode 6.15: As You Were. Original Airdate 2.26.02

"Buffy's ex-boyfriend, Riley Finn, returns to Sunnydale with his new wife Sam to track down a nest of demons which threaten the future of the town."

Daniel's Thoughts:

• Other fast food chains in the Buffyverse: Burger World & Happy Bun
• Aww, Buffy smells like fast food
• And she calls out the vamp on being dead and smelling like being dead. Does Spike smell like he's dead? You know, when they're porking? Does he? Huh?
• Special Guest Star Marc Blucas! He was in an ep of Limitless the other week, fyi. He was kinda playing the same role-ish. [That makes sense. - Z]
• Ugh. You know what that Ugh means.
• Xander and Anya are still doing the seating chart.
• Buffy missed the garbage guys but like, why didn't she use her slayer speed?
• Aww, Buffy's application was rejected. EVERYTHING SUCKS is basically what this episode is saying.
• RILEY FINN. And he's got a super sexy scar on his face.

Super Sexy Scar

• The DMP uniforms are actually really well made.
• Riley: We got a wild bear. Hehe. Everyone will believe that!
• Wow, I kinda forgot how tall Riley is, too.
• "Did you die?" "No." "I'm gonna win."
• Riley complimented Buffy on her hair. Because that's the type of guy he is.
• Aww, Buffy's being all flirty. It's like that thing when you see an ex for the first time in ages and you feel that passionate chemistry again and you think it's mutual and then whoops, they're married. That's never happened to me. Nope, not once. Nope. God Damn it.
• Oh hey, Sam, wife of Riley.
• She's so perfect for Riley.
• I love the continuity of all the episodes this season. They keep referring to past eps.
• Aww, Willow's a good friend.
• Hey, maybe the nest is somewhere where the nest of the praying mantis woman is.
• Oh Buffy. Stop. Please, stop with the Spike.
• They could have given him a better code name than "Doctor". Who wrote this ep, Moffat?
• But hey, Spike is evil? What? WHAT? That was all sarcastic, btdubs.
• Also, put a shirt on, Spike.
• I hate Anya & Xander talking about their wedding and marraige when we all know how it's going to end.
• Such a sweet reconciliation between Buffy & Riley. I'm so thankful for this episode. I like that at least one thing in Buffy's life could be resolved; that she can have closure on one thing. I'm glad things finally ended nicely between the two of them and that Riley's last appearance shows that he's happy as well. It's so rare in the Buffyverse.
• And all this has made Buffy finally make sense of the LACK of sense Spuffy makes. And she makes a good decision here. And it at least looks as though it's going to stick.

Zelda's Thoughts:

• Wow I have been completely neglecting to write anything for like 15 minutes. I'm sorry, guys.
• Aw Buffy got rejected from Sunnydale U.
• In this week's Inconsistent Characterization of Dawn, Dawn - who was throwing passive aggressive fits like they were spitballs last week - is now totally cool and gentle about Buffy's absentness. One can argue that's she's grown but HAHAHAHA DAWN AND GROWTH THIS SEASON.
• Oh. It's Riley. "Were you always this tall?" Fair question.
• Yes, Riley, that's a wild bear all right.

Someone's been watching Men In Black too much.

• "Did you die?" // "No." // "I'm gonna win."
• Anya just said "the gnarls are teleporting in in " WAIT WHAT ANYA KNOWS THE GNARLS WTF A GNARL ALMOST ATE WILLOW .. in the future [Edit: my mistake. Gnarols, per the shooting script. Stand down, everyone, stand down.]
• Sunnydale has a reservoir, you guys. SURE, WHY NOT.
• Wow, Riley. You do a special ducking maneuver to make sure the giant pipe can't see you, and then you turn your back on a completely open doorway and leave yourself open to attack? That's some bad soldiering.
• GASP RILEY IS MARRIED.
• Ugh. I hate Sam. As my friend Malcolm said once, "has there been a more non-character character?"
• Seriously, Riley, shouldn't that have been step fucking one, though, telling Buffy this was a capture and not a kill? It's not like you don't know Buffy's general practice. Riley is a bad bad soldier.
• "Just so you know, I'm prepared to hate this woman." Yay Willow being a supportive friend.
• I am loving the shade Dawn is throwing at Riley. At least he deserves it.
• "there's a dealer in town, calls himself the Doctor." whaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

• "You're like Santa Claus or Buddha." // "Fat and jolly." I LOVE SNARKY BUFFY
• Ugh, she's so baaaaaaaaaaaad. This actress is okay in small comic roles I've seen her in, but she's so baaaaaaaaaaaaad as Sam.
• Yeah, this is just beyond dumb, though. It's so ridiculously out of character for Spike to be "the Doctor" and to have this stupid plan. Not to have a stupid plan, we all know Spike isn't good at long term plans or sticking to said, but this kind of random-ass scheme? I just don't buy it. I never did, and it makes the whole thing just ring false and forced and stupid and it takes me out of things. It's always disappointing when the writers sacrifice character consistency for plot points. (it's even worse when they do it for the sake of a joke, I guess, like in The Zeppo or even Once More With Feeling, but I still hate it. it weakens the show and it weakens the characters)
• This is the second time Anya's hidden out in a bathroom from a fight.
• GOODBYE RILEY AND SAM. DON'T LET THE HELICOPTER CHOP YOU IN TWO ON THE WAY OUT.
• "What a bitch." Good friend, Willow.

Crossfire!

(before episode starts)

Z: Goddammit!

D: What?

Z: I hate Sam.

D: Sam? Who's Sam?

Z: Boring Riley's Boring Wife.

D: I like Sam! And I like Riley and Sam. And I'm glad they have a happy ending.

Z: They're both boring and they're both mediocre actors.

D: Yes, but they're boring and mediocre together.

Buffy: You won't look?

Riley: I'm a gentleman.

D: He is.
Z: This would be the time to say "I'm a married man."

Favorite Lines:

Daniel: "I think we died in this car on the way to the airport, and now we're stuck in hell." // "The radio said no traffic." // "It's a hell radio, of course it said that." - Anya/Xander

Zelda: "Did you die?" // "No." // "I'm gonna win." - Buffy and Riley

Arc/Continuity Stuff:

• Recurring: Riley
• Riley and Sam have been married four months. According to Sam, it took Riley a year to get over Buffy. Riley left town approximately fourteen months ago. So. That's a timeline. They got married and then two months later he got over Buffy.
• shoutout to Older and Far Away and Halfrek's curse
• "These things? Never useful." Buffy's go-to reaction to guns. (callback to Flooded)

Stats:

Anya's Hair - blonde, straight, tied back

Dead Humans - 0

Dead Undeads - 12 (this counts the 10 eggs)

Dead Flashbacks - 0

Buffy Breaks a Door - 0

Evil Reveal - 0

Unevil Reveal - 0

Shenanigans Called - 0

Apocalypse Called - 0