PLEASE NOTE: THIS IS A SPOILER-RICH ZONE. If your diet requires you to dine on television spoiler-free ... good luck with that.


Tuesday, January 23, 2018

If You Say Josh Hartnett, I'm Going To Be So Bummed

Episode 1.17: Kanes and Abel's. Original Airdate 4.05.05

"Veronica investigates who at school is doing everything possible to distract the valedictorian front runner from studying and wreck her grades in an obvious attempt to sabotage her. Meanwhile, an unsavory rival private investigator makes Keith a business offer. Later, Veronica pursues a risky lead that could discredit Abel Koontz's confession, as Logan stumbles onto her detailed files on everyone connected to Lilly's murder."

Daniel's Thoughts:

  • I’m glad Veronica knows how to spell DeLongpre because I just tried to google it and had to get google to help me.  By the way, it doesn’t mean anything in French….in case you were wondering.
  • "Tiny, blonde, cute as a bug" – Love the accurate description of Veronica/Kristen
  • She’s so good at this PI business – it’s no doubt she’ll do it later in life, no matter how many reservations Keith has.
  • Ken Marino!
  • “I heard this was kind of your office.”  HA.  That’s why we have stats!
  • Veronica’s laptop wallpaper is her and Lilly Kane.
  • “I don’t know if you were looking for pimp in the phone book and just stopped at PI” – Keith
  • Logan and Veronica – this scene is so sweet.  Even with the subtle barbs at each other, they respect each other’s love for Lilly. 
  • And stupidly, she rips up the check – a noble gesture for Logan’s mom… or so she says.  Maybe it’s more about Logan himself.
  • “Don’t worry, mum.”  - Sabrina.  Is she…british? IMDB says she's not.
  • OMG, the rave culture of the 90s, I guess slipping into the 2000s. They’ve already got their glowsticks started.
  • Ken Marino!  Vinnie Van Lowe!  He’s so sleazy! I love it!
  • What a surprise, the Kanes are having another party.  This one seems a bit low-key considering their humongous house.  Oh, it’s about the scholars.
  • Veronica imagining each of the Kanes killing Lilly.  It’s kinda gruesome.  Of course the one with Mr. Kane involves Weevil and that doesn’t seem likely.
  • Also, Weevil’s only appearance in this episode is in a fantasy.
  • Fantasy Lilly with her head bashed in…  ugh, that’s grisly.
  • I don’t know how the Kanes can even keep that house.  They’re rich enough to sell it and move.  …Or just close the pool area.
  • Cho’s Pizza.  That’s kinda amazing.
  • Again, This show illustrates class struggle and division really well.
  • Would Clarence Wiedman really try to break in to an apartment without knowing for sure that no one is home?  He’s better than that- especially at a PI’s place. SHENANIGANS.
  • Aww, Josh Hartnett!  Heartthrob of the early 2000s.  Oh, and really good on Penny Dreadful.
  • I hate when the Mars’ fight.  But I agree with both of them.  Keith is worried about Veronica’s life – which, I mean, her best friend was killed so I get that.  But Veronica is also smart and relentless and there’s no way she’s going give up looking for Lilly’s killer.
  • So it’s not Caz; it’s not Hamilton – we’re running out of suspects.
  • We’re still under the impression that Jake Kane might be Veronica’s father.  I really wish she opened that DNA test.
  • Vinnie is like the anti-Keith.  He’s the epitome of slimy-P.I.
  • Is he wearing…suspenders?

  • Ugh – Sabrina is such a downer.
  • I also like that he’s smart-ish.  He realized that the pen had a bug but….Veronica knew that Vinnie would know that…which is why she put another one on the pin his mom/assistant is wearing.
  • Hamilton: “In 20 years, she’ll be working for me.”  I hope we see that in the next movie.
  • More red herrings.  All this news about Duncan is making Veronica think that he’s a suspect – the soccer uniform, the epilepsy – the Kanes acting sketchy.

Zelda's Thoughts:

  • welp, the title of this episode makes me feel even duller that I didn't catch the Kane/Abel-Cain/Abel-ness of the names earlier ... or maybe I just forgot that the show spelled it out for me
  • I totally forgot Jockface (dudebro from Home Improvement and that one ep of Buffy) came back. It's another good touch of the VMars universe, that people would come back. We met Caz when Meg thought he might be her secret admirer. Now we see him in the context of the star student Sabrina getting harassed.
  • Oh hi Logan, spying on Veronica's computer where she's spying on everyone else.
  • "Hey, what do you think Lilly would make of you investigating all the people who loved her?" // "I loved Lilly. Maybe if I didn't, I'd be able to drop this."
  • And then Veronica rips up Logan's check. "Your mom was always nice to me." Their faaaaaaaces.
  • HAHA Amelia is watching a Harry Hamlin - I mean Aaron Echolls - movie in her motel room.

  • hahahaha Veronica using her fancy access to shame the phone sex callers.
  • "Caz, you were lurking. The innocent rarely lurk."
Apparently Snark Squad made this exact same joke but I don't care; it's where
my mind immediately went.

  • "You know, if you asked, I would jump off the roof?" // "Can I get you to stop that?" // "Ask him to jump." Cold and hilarious: that's our Veronica!
  • VINNIE VAN LOWE IN THE HOUSE. Vinnie is the worst but Ken Marino is the best.
  • Man, I know it's just in V's imagination, but it's hard to watch the vision of Celeste murdering Lilly. This is what Veronica's dealt with - imagining her friend getting murdered, over and over.
  • And now watching Jake do it, but with Weevil as witness.
  • And then she sees Lilly's ghost running through the house.
  • And Lilly talks some sense into her. "They have their faults but they are hardly murderers. Wow, you've got some imagination."
  • Man oh man I'm so blown away by the storefront for Cho's Pizza

  • I hate how this one rolls out. Sabrina doesn't deserve this. And Hamilton can't afford to go to Oxford without the scholarship, but because of what his dad does, he'll have to give it up.
  • Oh look Clarence Wiedman trying to break into the Mars apartment. Keith: "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you knock."
  • I do love how quickly Keith connects the dots once Veronica comes clean. But then he's mad. "Who's gonna protect you, Veronica?"
  • "All right, Veronica. New game, new rules ... You have to promise me that you'll be more careful."
  • It must pay really well to be Clarence Wiedman, considering the laws he's willing to break for the Kane family - including what he ultimately does for Duncan in Season Two.
  • And instead of Logan telling everyone that Veronica's still on the Lilly Kane Case, he's instead trying to figure things out too. (well, he tells Duncan soon, but)
  • Including telling a very incriminating story about Duncan attacking his father.
  • And it was the week he dumped Veronica. MHMMMM.
  • omg Vinnie's logo you guys

  • And his mother is his assistant.
  • Hahaha I forgot Veronica plants two bugs in Vinnie's office - one, the one he immediately suspects and taunts her with; the other, the one he didn't even know happened.
  • Poor Hamilton Cho.
  • Dammit Clarence Wiedman. Truly a worthy opponent of the Mars fam. Unlike Vinnie, who's a schmuck.
  • And now Keith and Veronica are in deep, talking through the clues, the conflicting stories.
  • And most importantly, the laundry proving the Kanes are lying about the timeline. "Honey, it was a soccer uniform I found in the dryer."
  • And now we see the vision of Duncan, unprovoked and dissociated, murdering Lilly.

Favorite Lines:
Daniel: "I don't know if you were looking for Pimp in the phonebook and just stopped at PI." - Keith
Zelda: "You were lurking. The innocent rarely lurk." - Veronica

Neptune Roll Call: Duncan, Logan, Weevil (Absent: Wallace)
First Appearance: Vinnie Van Lowe, Jessica Fuller (Vinnie's mom/assistant), Dawn (Amelia's roommate)
Recurring: Clarence Wiedman, Dick Casablancas, Veronica's "Office," Caz Truman, Jake Kane, Celeste Kane, Lilly Kane, Vice Principal Van Clemmons
Generally Known TV Face: Ken Marino

Dead Humans - 0
Backup Sighting - 1
Veronica Breaks In - 0
Veronica Tases Someone - 0
Mac Hacks - 0
Who's Your Daddy? - 0
Wallace Does Veronica a Favor - 0
Veronica Wants a Pony - 0
Logan Punches Someone - 0 
Dick's Single Entendres - 1 ("I've been bad")
Shenanigans Called - 1


  1. The "type 4 epilepsy" arc makes me SO MAD. There's no type of seizure that would cause someone to violently attack others. Why couldn't they just have made up a disease instead of increasing the stigma and disinformation about an already-existing one? It bugs me when shows obviously don't consult doctors at all.

    1. Agreed, we neglected to comment on it, but it's been a bit nettling. That's part of why I referred to Duncan as being in a dissociated state, rather than the midst of an epileptic fit. There's no need to stigmatize epilepsy like they're doing. (nor do I intend to stigmatize people who have dissociation as violent either, for that matter)

  2. Vinnie Van Lowe both skeeves me out but also really entertains me. I loved the back and forth he has with both the Marses. Marino is too good at playing scumbags.

    1. He was great in "In a World" also.

    2. I was SO happy when he turned up on Brooklyn Nine Nine!