PLEASE NOTE: THIS IS A SPOILER-RICH ZONE. If your diet requires you to dine on television spoiler-free ... good luck with that.


Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Yeah, Buffy. What Are We Gonna Do Now?

We're not sure if you guys have noticed, but we're officially halfway through the final season of watching Buffy, Slayer of the Vampyrs. That's kind of a scary place to be. Not just because the season's just getting worse from here, but because we're going to run out of show soon.

Okay so probably at this point we should figure out what show we want to do next. Zelda's chief concern is that no show will work quite so well as Buffy for this, since both of us have it so thoroughly memorized in a way we will probably never have for other show.

That being said. We can still have a lot of fun. If we can just decide what show to do next. Also if we can decide whether to rebrand this URL or start up a new one. Decisions!

We'd love your feedback, gentle readers. You're at least 15% of why we expend valuable energy, time, and money on delivery food to write this blog.

Possible shows:
Veronica Mars
Pushing Daisies
Dead Like Me

Please share with us your thinks.

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

I'm Bored. Episode One Bored.

Episode 7.11: Showtime. Original Airdate 1.7.03

"Buffy teaches the Potential Slayers a valuable lesson as she faces a final fight with the Uber-vampire. Meanwhile, Giles and Anya enter another dimension to find a demon which holds the answer [to] defeating The First. What they find out is very disturbing."

Daniel's Thoughts:

  • Ugh, it’s Rona.
  • Hey, remember phonebooks?
  • Hey Rona’s not too insufferable…yet. "Welcome to the Hellmouth!" Ooh, Buffy quoted the pilot episode’s title!
  • Can I just say, I love that they show of Anya in the credits where she’s holding the baseball in the center of it? I kinda want to see her play baseball now.
  • “It’s starting to get a little crowded.” How are we feeding them again?
  • Here’s three more potentials: Vi, Eve & Chloe. Hey, it’s nerd-celeb Felicia Day!
  • So I guess everyone’s staying there, now…for protection, I guess.
  • Ugh, there’s that insufferable Rona. “I thought hungry was English for hungry.” Ugh, shut up Rona.
  • Aww, I missed the Anya/Giles banter.
  • “We just happened to be invited to the same massacre.”
  • Ugh, why is Anya trying to trade sex for help? It’s so beneath her. I don't believe for a minute that she would do that.

  • Anya, you’re beautiful. Stop, it.
  • It’s interesting how their backgrounds are different: some have watchers; some don’t.
  • One thing that I’ll agree with Andrew: Timothy Dalton was an underrated Bond.
Never forget.

  • But the thing is about Andrew. They’re trying to make him all funny and stuff except he killed his friend. He’s a cold-ass murderer.  And it just happened.
  • I love sassy demons. The eye: “What am I talking to myself here?”
  • Omg, shut up Rona. (I should keep a running tally of how many times I yell 'shut up [random potential]'
  • Ugh, also shut up, “Eve”
  • See, I do like Kennedy at this point. Because she keeps the potentials in check.
  • See, this is why Willow needs Giles.
  • Run! Everybody run!
  • Did Buffy just stake a bringer? I guess a stab through the heart will kill anyone.
  • Ok, so holy water works somewhat on an Uber vamp.
  • Ugh, shut up Chloe. The Potentials are such whiners. Omg.
  • Willow namechecks the title.
  • It’s a good plan to bring the potentials together to show that Buffy can kill this thing – but….how exactly does Buffy know she can kill this thing? Especially since it kicked her ass so hard-core-ly last time.
  • Oh…is that a construction site that Xander’s been "working" at?
  • This plan has so many holes. It’s just as likely to fail miserably. It’s not so much a plan as “let’s take a chance.”
  • So an Uber Vamp basically needs to be beheaded.
  • No, Spike! That’s actually Buffy!

Never forget 2: the Never Forgettening

Zelda's Thoughts: 

  • Okay, so here we are in January. The show's timeline took a hiatus to catch up with the airing, one presumes. Buffy's injuries are all healed. Rona's arrived, and there are other new Potentials at the house. Yes? So they've been hiding from the Ubervamp, NOT taking the fight to him, and also leaving Spike to his fun torture sessions? Is that the long and short of it? Gosh a lot happened over the holidays. Buffy's even got her snappy quippy self back with her "picking on someone my own size" bit.
  • If Kennedy were a better actor, if she had any kind of chemistry with Willow, if if if. If Kennedy weren't just annoying.
  • Aw it is nice to see Felicia Day.
  • "Maybe we can save the maybes for a more dayish part of the day, girls."
  • Giles took off his glasses but he's not cleaning them. You know why? BECAUSE HE'S EVIL AND HE HAS NO HEAD.
  • Oh right the random stupid useless eye thing that Anya and Giles randomly and uselessly visit and why are we wasting time on this.
  • One thing I will say for Spike getting held captive so long and trusting that Buffy will come for him - it's a good reversal on the trope of the princess in the tower 
  • "It's the hair, right? Not attractive?" Guys, I think I only JUST made the connection that her hair color and style changes so much is because of her intense insecurity about her appearance
  • "I heard there's more than one." // "More than one what?" // "Slayer. There's another one - somewhere." // "That doesn't make any sense."
  • Kennedy: "I'm starting to think it might be too late for me." She's past 18, so ... yep. At least by the old rules.
  • "I'm so alone." // "Then maybe you shouldn't have killed your only friend." Tom Lenk is very funny but Andrew you are being twitchy and annoying and I do enjoy Dawn shutting you down. Especially when - as Daniel pointed out - she's right and HE JUST KILLED SOMEONE. And he doesn't have the "I didn't have a soul" excuse that certain peroxided vampires do.
  • Okay I'm not quite going to call this c plot a shenanigan, but I will call a shenanigan on how it's interpreted. The eyeball made of eyes says the First is striking because the line of succession got messed with. ("The mystical forces surrounding the chosen line have become irrevocably altered, become unstable, vulnerable.") Anya interprets that as being the fault of the Scoobies, for bringing Buffy back last season. And timeline-wise, I can see why she reaches that conclusion, BUT. You know, and I know, and the American people know that the line of succession got its divergence the moment Kendra was called. The line of succession switched over to Kendra, then Faith. A third Slayer wasn't called when Buffy died the second time. We had two Slayers running around for a few years there, and we had only a few months of Only One Slayer to Rule Them All again. Buffy's return to life shouldn't be relevant.
  • Also since this is like the last time this will be brought up, I guess we can forget all about the weirdass eye thing.
  • Anyway. It's time for the scene where the Scoobies are secretly having a psychic conference.
  • "It's because she lives again." See nooooooooooooooooo no no that changed nothing. There were two Slayers before. There were just a few months there where there was only one Slayer in play again, that's all. This is bullshit.
  • Dramatically, it is a fun stunt, the Scoobies crafting an arena display for the Potentials of how good Buffy is at what she does. "I'm the thing that monsters have nightmares about, and right now you and me are gonna show them why."

  • Joss at least has acknowledged (not that it fixes this hole in the plot) that there's a massive inconsistency being set up in how difficult it is for Buffy to slay just one Turok-Han, and the comparative ease with which the Potentials - first un-activated, then mid-fight activated - take on a whole army of them in the finale. I guess we'll deal with that later.
  • Ooooh time for my weekly Spuffy scene. Time for some excellent JM face acting. Buffy rescued Spike! They're staring meaningfully at each other! Shut up, I love it.

Favorite Lines:

Daniel:  The eye sees not the future, only the truth of the now and before.
Yes, we've all got that - it's called memory. - Beljoxa's Eye/Anya
Zelda: "I'm the thing that monsters have nightmares about."  Buffy

Arc/Continuity Stuff:

  • First appearance: Rona, Vi, Eve, Chloe
  • Recurring: Bringers, Kennedy, Molly, Andrew, The First (as Eve, Buffy), Turok-Han, kittens as currency, Andrew's love for Timothy Dalton, "Here endeth the lesson"
  • Last appearance: Eve
  • Shoutout to Andrew's days of summoning demons


Anya's Hair - blonder, loose curls, chin length
Dead Humans - 1
Dead Undeads - 7
Dead Potentials - 1
Dead Flashbacks - 0
Giles Unconscious - 0
Giles Cleans His Glasses - 0
Buffy Breaks a Door - 1
Turok-Han Breaks a Door - 1
Buffy Makes a Rousing Speech - 1
Evil Reveal - 1 (Eve is the First!)
Unevil Reveal - 0
Shenanigans Called - 1
Apocalypse Called - 0

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

A Slight Apocalypse

Episode 7.10: Bring on the Night. Original Airdate 12.17.02 

"Giles returns to Sunnydale with three potential slayers, whom Buffy must protect from The First. Meanwhile, a ferocious Uber-vampire is released from the Hellmouth and Buffy must kill it before it kills one of the potentials."

Zelda's Thoughts:

  • Ugh. It's time for the Potentials and Headless Giles.
  • November 16th! Let's go! Possibly still late in the day of November 15th but it'll be the 16th soon. 
  • "It's a loop. It's like the mummy hand. I'm doomed to replace these windows for all eternity."
  • Anya has adorable glasses.
  • Poor Buffy. Dreaming of Joyce and it breaks my heart. BTW I'm pretty sure that's just a dream and not The First, but feel free to argue with me.
  • Aw man, we haven't seen Dru in aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaages. Another good thing to say for S7 is bringing back old friends.
  • Yes, I'm finding good things to say before I start my bitching and moaning. The Potentials are nearly here.
  • Okay now it's definitely morning and therefore the 16th.
  • Andrew calling Shenanigans on The First as an un-intimidating name is kind of adorable. "Not very ominous-sounding." 

  • Wow, so Wood cleaned up Jonathan's corpse just in time for The First to bleed Spike over the Seal. Wood probably barely escaped getting all sliced and diced himself.
  • LOL Buffy and Wood both awkwardly holding shovels and finding each other suspiciously wandering the whatment. [Base - Anya]
  • Still November 16thing.
  • At least the show is acknowledging the back-to-backness of its episodes, highlighting that Buffy hasn't slept in two days.
  • Damn, The First succeeded in its mission (begun in "Conversations") of scaring Willow off magic.
  • And he ... brought the effing Potentials.
  • Ugh we're being trolled. Giles makes Annabelle carry all the props.
  • "There's evil and then there's the thing that created evil. The source."
  • "It has eternities to act, endless resources ..." and this is its crackerjack plan? Nathan Fillion as a sexist priest?
  • Kennedy isn't instantly annoying me to the degree of hatred I know we will reach - yet - but she's not a good actress, and I will admit the mediocre acting was the initial source of my dislike, back in the day. Same with my issues with ... other cast members previously bitcaed about.
  • So um. What's the point of torturing a vampire by "drowning" it? Angel told us in "Prophecy Girl" that their breath is useless? I'll call the same shenanigan we called when Spike suffocated Dru in "Becoming."
  • "Just in time for Christmas." THERE IT IS. GILES SAID IT. THE EPISODE AIRED ON DECEMBER 17TH, SUNNYDALE IS FULL OF CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS BUT THIS IS NOVEMBER 17TH AT THE LATEST. WHICH MEANS THANKSGIVING HASN'T HIT YET. [You've seen outside on November 17th, right? -D] Remember, how Buffy "hasn't slept in two days?" That's since "Conversations With Dead People." If they hadn't date-stamped the damn episode, I might be able to let this go. But I cannot. This is all balderdash and chicanery. Shenanigans.
  • On the plus side, I'll stop tracking the calendar now. It's just ... it's only been a few episodes and they're already jacking with the timeline worse than Grey's Anatomy.
  • "She seems like a good leader. Her hair is shiny."
  • How old is Kennedy supposed to be? Aren't the Potentials supposed to be teenagers? You're not supposed to be called once you're an adult. Because then they can't do that horrible 18th birthday shit (cruciamentum, yes of course I know the name, of course I didn't google that) that they like to do. [Edit: just checked the shooting script, which identifies Kennedy as being 19, so her relationship with Willow is legal, yay. But also that definitely means she's too old be to called, at least per tradition before the whammo in "Chosen."]
  • Also per the shooting script, apparently they intended Molly to be "a Brit of East Indian heritage." Oops?
  • OMG I forgot this was the scene where Anya's got some muttery monologue under the scene of everyone else. So random and weird. ends with "stinky old sponge"? She's just flat out muttering. None of it's scripted. But it's my favorite rando line in the ep.
  • Also Anya's wearing a leather fringe cowboy jacket.
  • Sunnydale is so big it has a permanent lot that, when not covered in Christmas trees, is just open and unused, thus no one has fallen through until Buffy did just now. Okay, sure, let's go with that.
  • Oh shit. Buffy found the Ubervamp.
  • That terrifying moment when it just removes the stake from its heart.
  • And one extra bit of trolling from the writers to us - is the Ubervamp scared off by the rising sun, or by Giles?
  • Aw, Buffy's search option tabs are web pages or chat rooms. 2002, you guys. So near and yet so far.
  • "What kind of movies do you like?" // "Oh me?" he said mysteriously, his face neutral, not facing her as he answered, "mysteries." I SEE YOU, SHOW.
  • "You're not Drusilla ... she was crazier than you."
  • Why is she calling Spike Daddy? Angelus is her Daddy, Darla is her Grandmother and Child, and Spike's her child. blah blah blah
  • So like. Is The First just having the Turok-Han beat the shit out of Spike for the hell of it? What is the endgame here? I'm genuinely curious. Spike was abducted to open the seal, okay, cool. It doesn't want the souled vampire dead or it would just kill him. Its vague purpose, with both Angel and Spike, seemed to be to have the souled vampire in proximity to Buffy, to weaken her. So what's the reasoning here? Oh right, THERE ISN'T ANY. Ugh. I can see the season falling apart in front of me and it's making me sad.
  • "Are you saying M. Night Shyamalan lied to us?"
  • "I admit, I went over to the dark side, but just to pick up a few things, and now I'm back. I've learned. I'm good again ... I'm like Vader in the last five minutes of Jedi with redemptive power of ... Mine is a redemptive struggle of epic redemption, which chronicles ... these ropes itch."
  • Oh Annabelle, you stupid summer child. It's time to die.
  • Oh man, watching Buffy limp-run away from the Ubervamp. It's scary and upsetting. She's not supposed to be our damsel in distress.
  • Turok's not even running. Because he knows he doesn't have to.
  • Buffy drops a pike of steel pipes on him, he gets up fine.
  • To Spike: "Do you know why you're alive?" The audience is wondering the same thing, First!Dru.
  • "She does, because she believes in me." A small bone thrown to the Spuffy shippers, in the midst of the despair of the episode.
  • Okay but we've got a great rousing speech from Buffy, right before the holiday hiatus, and I loved it, and I was excited for the rest of the season. After this is when I first started to get let down by what I thought was lost in the season's potential.
  • "We can't run, can't hide, can't pretend it's not the end, 'cause it is. Something's always been there to try to and destroy the world. We've beaten them back, but we're not dealing with them anymore. We're dealing with the reason they exist. Evil. The strongest. The First ... I'm beyond tired. I'm beyond scared. I'm standing on the mouth of hell, and it is gonna swallow me whole. And it'll choke on me. We're not ready? They're not ready. They think we're gonna wait for the end to come, like we always do. I'm done waiting ... There is only one thing on this earth more powerful than evil, and that's us. Any questions?" She's beat up, but she's still so strong. She's our hero.

  • And actually the next episode wasn't necessarily disappointing, but since it was a break in the airing, it was enough of a divide for me in terms of the blahhing of the season.
  • Also I'm preemptively pissed that after this awesome speech, they spend a lot of the rest of the season making fun of Buffy - who was basically pushed into her role as General by Giles and the rest - making fun of her for her rousing speeches. Do they want her to lead or don't they?
  • "Empty Places" is going to be a mess for us.

Daniel's Thoughts:

  • I love that this episode starts exactly like the last one – Xander cleaning up the window. 
  • Everyone loves hitting Andrew. 
  • Aww, Joyce.   And this seems like she’s not The First.  It’s a dream….maybe it really was Joyce?  “You need to wake up.” Sounds like good advice. 
  • Drusilla! 
  • The Uber Vamp has killer fashion sense. 
Just in from Milan

  • Andrew pronounced Voldermort correctly way before JK Rowling corrected us. 
  • “The Satanic Manhole” – sounds like a bad gay club name. 
  • Heyyyy, what are you guys doing here with shovels…..awkward. 
  • “I was….helping Dawn with a school project.”  “I was returning a shovel.”  Ugh, you’re all such terrible liars. 
  • Dawn: “Kids today like Redbull and Jackass!”  Yes….it was a terrible time. 
  • “Things are starting to back-up [with your made-up job.]” 
  • Uh oh.  Willow’s spell back-fired?  Must be Tuesday. 
  • GILES!  Ooh, notice that Buffy starts to go to hug Giles but is interrupted.  Well directed because you wouldn’t notice it until we find out why. 
  • Wow, Anya’s hair changed a lot in the last…day. 
  • And here are the potentials…    Starting with three: Kennedy, Molly & Annabelle. 
Spoiler: one of us will die but who?!

  • “Yeah, he’ll help – if he’s not crazy or all killing people…or dead.  Or you know, all of the above.” 
  • Why is putting Spike’s head under water torture when he doesn’t breathe? (Z already called the shenanigan above)
  • Sunny California in December.  Look at all those heavy coats. 
  • See?  This is why I hated Kennedy.  There is absolutely no reason for Willow to have a relationship now.  She went mad and almost destroyed the world six months ago because her girlfriend was killed.  Almost.  Destroyed. The World.   And now she’s given a potential (pun intended) girlfriend?  WTF?  Let the girl be single for a while. 
  • And meanwhile Anya & Xander will remain single for the rest of the season except for that one date Xander goes on.
  • How do you burn Mac & Cheese? [Let me tell you a thing. - Z]
  • I like Anya’s weird cowgirl jacket. 
  • Seriously, how are we going to feed all these girls?  Especially when there’s more coming.  No one has money.  Buffy’s the only one with a job.  I guess Xander….but neither of them make enough to support all these girls.  I wonder if Willow has a trust fund or something from her parents?  We never find out.  And where are the Rosenbergs anyway?  Man, train of thought is running away from the station right there.  And why isn’t Anya working?  How does she pay for her apartment? [Remember that bank she robbed? - Z]
  • Stakes don’t work on ubervamps?  Ok?  At least sun does? I guess? 
  • Giles: “I thought they were a myth.” Me: You were myth-taken 
  • Hahahaha. Buffy is googling “Evil” and a website called Evil Evil Evil pops up. 
  • Dude, Principal Wood – don’t look at your employee’s desktops. 
  • Man, Dru is so skinny. 
  • See Joyce touched her.  This is a dream.  The real Joyce or Buffy’s subconscious; I don’t think it matters. 
  • There didn’t seem to be a big Willow/Giles reunion when he came back.  They shared something incredibly real.  Willow thought she might be coming back too soon. Why hasn’t there been a scene with them yet? 
  • Annabelle split.  Why?  Where was she running to?  Why at night?  Why did she pick this moment to run? 
  • How did she get to this storage unit park or…whatever they’re called and how did Buffy track her there?  Is it right around the corner from Chez Summers? 
  • Wow.  This vamp is so powerful.  How will they every defeat it….and the 1000000000000000 of them beneath the surface? 
  • Giles is being such a downer. 
  • And here’s the start of the Buffy speeches.
  • Buffy: “Anyone who wants to run, do it now.”  Or, ya know…wait til sunlight. 

D: [before episode starts] "I liked Kennedy at first. She was the only one I liked. She was the only smart one. She did things. I just didn't think she was a good match for Willow."
Z: *quietly leaves apartment and never returns*

Dawn: Kids of today liked Red Bull and Jackass!
D: *groans and looks pained*
Favorite Lines:
Z: (unfortunately, couldn't discern most of Anya's mutterings but it ends with) "I'll just rub away with the stinky old sponge." - Anya
D: "Yeah, he'll help. If he's not crazy. Or killing people. Or dead. Or, you know, all of the above." - Anya

Arc/Continuity Stuff:
Recurring: Joyce (Dream/Hallucination), Bringers, Turok-Han, The First (as Spike, Dru), Andrew, Wood, Giles, Buffy's dayjob
First appearance: Kennedy, Molly, Annabelle
Last appearance: Annabelle

Anya's Hair - light brown, pageboyish cut; chunky curls on day two
Dead Humans - 1
Dead Undeads - 0
Dead Flashbacks - 2
Dead Potentials - 1
Giles Unconscious - 0
Giles Cleans His Glasses - 0
Buffy Breaks a Door - 0
Buffy Breaks a Wall (with her body) - 1
Turok-Han Breaks a Buffy - 1
Buffy Makes a Rousing Speech - 1
Evil Reveal - 0
Unevil Reveal - 0
Shenanigans Called - 2
Apocalypse Called - 1