PLEASE NOTE: THIS IS A SPOILER-RICH ZONE. If your diet requires you to dine on television spoiler-free ... good luck with that.


Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Yeah, Buffy. What Are We Gonna Do Now?

We're not sure if you guys have noticed, but we're officially halfway through the final season of watching Buffy, Slayer of the Vampyrs. That's kind of a scary place to be. Not just because the season's just getting worse from here, but because we're going to run out of show soon.

Okay so probably at this point we should figure out what show we want to do next. Zelda's chief concern is that no show will work quite so well as Buffy for this, since both of us have it so thoroughly memorized in a way we will probably never have for other show.

That being said. We can still have a lot of fun. If we can just decide what show to do next. Also if we can decide whether to rebrand this URL or start up a new one. Decisions!

We'd love your feedback, gentle readers. You're at least 15% of why we expend valuable energy, time, and money on delivery food to write this blog.

Possible shows:
Veronica Mars
Pushing Daisies
Dead Like Me

Please share with us your thinks.

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

I'm Bored. Episode One Bored.

Episode 7.11: Showtime. Original Airdate 1.7.03

"Buffy teaches the Potential Slayers a valuable lesson as she faces a final fight with the Uber-vampire. Meanwhile, Giles and Anya enter another dimension to find a demon which holds the answer [to] defeating The First. What they find out is very disturbing."

Daniel's Thoughts:

  • Ugh, it’s Rona.
  • Hey, remember phonebooks?
  • Hey Rona’s not too insufferable…yet. "Welcome to the Hellmouth!" Ooh, Buffy quoted the pilot episode’s title!
  • Can I just say, I love that they show of Anya in the credits where she’s holding the baseball in the center of it? I kinda want to see her play baseball now.
  • “It’s starting to get a little crowded.” How are we feeding them again?
  • Here’s three more potentials: Vi, Eve & Chloe. Hey, it’s nerd-celeb Felicia Day!
  • So I guess everyone’s staying there, now…for protection, I guess.
  • Ugh, there’s that insufferable Rona. “I thought hungry was English for hungry.” Ugh, shut up Rona.
  • Aww, I missed the Anya/Giles banter.
  • “We just happened to be invited to the same massacre.”
  • Ugh, why is Anya trying to trade sex for help? It’s so beneath her. I don't believe for a minute that she would do that.

  • Anya, you’re beautiful. Stop, it.
  • It’s interesting how their backgrounds are different: some have watchers; some don’t.
  • One thing that I’ll agree with Andrew: Timothy Dalton was an underrated Bond.
Never forget.

  • But the thing is about Andrew. They’re trying to make him all funny and stuff except he killed his friend. He’s a cold-ass murderer.  And it just happened.
  • I love sassy demons. The eye: “What am I talking to myself here?”
  • Omg, shut up Rona. (I should keep a running tally of how many times I yell 'shut up [random potential]'
  • Ugh, also shut up, “Eve”
  • See, I do like Kennedy at this point. Because she keeps the potentials in check.
  • See, this is why Willow needs Giles.
  • Run! Everybody run!
  • Did Buffy just stake a bringer? I guess a stab through the heart will kill anyone.
  • Ok, so holy water works somewhat on an Uber vamp.
  • Ugh, shut up Chloe. The Potentials are such whiners. Omg.
  • Willow namechecks the title.
  • It’s a good plan to bring the potentials together to show that Buffy can kill this thing – but….how exactly does Buffy know she can kill this thing? Especially since it kicked her ass so hard-core-ly last time.
  • Oh…is that a construction site that Xander’s been "working" at?
  • This plan has so many holes. It’s just as likely to fail miserably. It’s not so much a plan as “let’s take a chance.”
  • So an Uber Vamp basically needs to be beheaded.
  • No, Spike! That’s actually Buffy!

Never forget 2: the Never Forgettening

Zelda's Thoughts: 

  • Okay, so here we are in January. The show's timeline took a hiatus to catch up with the airing, one presumes. Buffy's injuries are all healed. Rona's arrived, and there are other new Potentials at the house. Yes? So they've been hiding from the Ubervamp, NOT taking the fight to him, and also leaving Spike to his fun torture sessions? Is that the long and short of it? Gosh a lot happened over the holidays. Buffy's even got her snappy quippy self back with her "picking on someone my own size" bit.
  • If Kennedy were a better actor, if she had any kind of chemistry with Willow, if if if. If Kennedy weren't just annoying.
  • Aw it is nice to see Felicia Day.
  • "Maybe we can save the maybes for a more dayish part of the day, girls."
  • Giles took off his glasses but he's not cleaning them. You know why? BECAUSE HE'S EVIL AND HE HAS NO HEAD.
  • Oh right the random stupid useless eye thing that Anya and Giles randomly and uselessly visit and why are we wasting time on this.
  • One thing I will say for Spike getting held captive so long and trusting that Buffy will come for him - it's a good reversal on the trope of the princess in the tower 
  • "It's the hair, right? Not attractive?" Guys, I think I only JUST made the connection that her hair color and style changes so much is because of her intense insecurity about her appearance
  • "I heard there's more than one." // "More than one what?" // "Slayer. There's another one - somewhere." // "That doesn't make any sense."
  • Kennedy: "I'm starting to think it might be too late for me." She's past 18, so ... yep. At least by the old rules.
  • "I'm so alone." // "Then maybe you shouldn't have killed your only friend." Tom Lenk is very funny but Andrew you are being twitchy and annoying and I do enjoy Dawn shutting you down. Especially when - as Daniel pointed out - she's right and HE JUST KILLED SOMEONE. And he doesn't have the "I didn't have a soul" excuse that certain peroxided vampires do.
  • Okay I'm not quite going to call this c plot a shenanigan, but I will call a shenanigan on how it's interpreted. The eyeball made of eyes says the First is striking because the line of succession got messed with. ("The mystical forces surrounding the chosen line have become irrevocably altered, become unstable, vulnerable.") Anya interprets that as being the fault of the Scoobies, for bringing Buffy back last season. And timeline-wise, I can see why she reaches that conclusion, BUT. You know, and I know, and the American people know that the line of succession got its divergence the moment Kendra was called. The line of succession switched over to Kendra, then Faith. A third Slayer wasn't called when Buffy died the second time. We had two Slayers running around for a few years there, and we had only a few months of Only One Slayer to Rule Them All again. Buffy's return to life shouldn't be relevant.
  • Also since this is like the last time this will be brought up, I guess we can forget all about the weirdass eye thing.
  • Anyway. It's time for the scene where the Scoobies are secretly having a psychic conference.
  • "It's because she lives again." See nooooooooooooooooo no no that changed nothing. There were two Slayers before. There were just a few months there where there was only one Slayer in play again, that's all. This is bullshit.
  • Dramatically, it is a fun stunt, the Scoobies crafting an arena display for the Potentials of how good Buffy is at what she does. "I'm the thing that monsters have nightmares about, and right now you and me are gonna show them why."

  • Joss at least has acknowledged (not that it fixes this hole in the plot) that there's a massive inconsistency being set up in how difficult it is for Buffy to slay just one Turok-Han, and the comparative ease with which the Potentials - first un-activated, then mid-fight activated - take on a whole army of them in the finale. I guess we'll deal with that later.
  • Ooooh time for my weekly Spuffy scene. Time for some excellent JM face acting. Buffy rescued Spike! They're staring meaningfully at each other! Shut up, I love it.

Favorite Lines:

Daniel:  The eye sees not the future, only the truth of the now and before.
Yes, we've all got that - it's called memory. - Beljoxa's Eye/Anya
Zelda: "I'm the thing that monsters have nightmares about."  Buffy

Arc/Continuity Stuff:

  • First appearance: Rona, Vi, Eve, Chloe
  • Recurring: Bringers, Kennedy, Molly, Andrew, The First (as Eve, Buffy), Turok-Han, kittens as currency, Andrew's love for Timothy Dalton, "Here endeth the lesson"
  • Last appearance: Eve
  • Shoutout to Andrew's days of summoning demons


Anya's Hair - blonder, loose curls, chin length
Dead Humans - 1
Dead Undeads - 7
Dead Potentials - 1
Dead Flashbacks - 0
Giles Unconscious - 0
Giles Cleans His Glasses - 0
Buffy Breaks a Door - 1
Turok-Han Breaks a Door - 1
Buffy Makes a Rousing Speech - 1
Evil Reveal - 1 (Eve is the First!)
Unevil Reveal - 0
Shenanigans Called - 1
Apocalypse Called - 0

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

A Slight Apocalypse

Episode 7.10: Bring on the Night. Original Airdate 12.17.02 

"Giles returns to Sunnydale with three potential slayers, whom Buffy must protect from The First. Meanwhile, a ferocious Uber-vampire is released from the Hellmouth and Buffy must kill it before it kills one of the potentials."

Zelda's Thoughts:

  • Ugh. It's time for the Potentials and Headless Giles.
  • November 16th! Let's go! Possibly still late in the day of November 15th but it'll be the 16th soon. 
  • "It's a loop. It's like the mummy hand. I'm doomed to replace these windows for all eternity."
  • Anya has adorable glasses.
  • Poor Buffy. Dreaming of Joyce and it breaks my heart. BTW I'm pretty sure that's just a dream and not The First, but feel free to argue with me.
  • Aw man, we haven't seen Dru in aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaages. Another good thing to say for S7 is bringing back old friends.
  • Yes, I'm finding good things to say before I start my bitching and moaning. The Potentials are nearly here.
  • Okay now it's definitely morning and therefore the 16th.
  • Andrew calling Shenanigans on The First as an un-intimidating name is kind of adorable. "Not very ominous-sounding." 

  • Wow, so Wood cleaned up Jonathan's corpse just in time for The First to bleed Spike over the Seal. Wood probably barely escaped getting all sliced and diced himself.
  • LOL Buffy and Wood both awkwardly holding shovels and finding each other suspiciously wandering the whatment. [Base - Anya]
  • Still November 16thing.
  • At least the show is acknowledging the back-to-backness of its episodes, highlighting that Buffy hasn't slept in two days.
  • Damn, The First succeeded in its mission (begun in "Conversations") of scaring Willow off magic.
  • And he ... brought the effing Potentials.
  • Ugh we're being trolled. Giles makes Annabelle carry all the props.
  • "There's evil and then there's the thing that created evil. The source."
  • "It has eternities to act, endless resources ..." and this is its crackerjack plan? Nathan Fillion as a sexist priest?
  • Kennedy isn't instantly annoying me to the degree of hatred I know we will reach - yet - but she's not a good actress, and I will admit the mediocre acting was the initial source of my dislike, back in the day. Same with my issues with ... other cast members previously bitcaed about.
  • So um. What's the point of torturing a vampire by "drowning" it? Angel told us in "Prophecy Girl" that their breath is useless? I'll call the same shenanigan we called when Spike suffocated Dru in "Becoming."
  • "Just in time for Christmas." THERE IT IS. GILES SAID IT. THE EPISODE AIRED ON DECEMBER 17TH, SUNNYDALE IS FULL OF CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS BUT THIS IS NOVEMBER 17TH AT THE LATEST. WHICH MEANS THANKSGIVING HASN'T HIT YET. [You've seen outside on November 17th, right? -D] Remember, how Buffy "hasn't slept in two days?" That's since "Conversations With Dead People." If they hadn't date-stamped the damn episode, I might be able to let this go. But I cannot. This is all balderdash and chicanery. Shenanigans.
  • On the plus side, I'll stop tracking the calendar now. It's just ... it's only been a few episodes and they're already jacking with the timeline worse than Grey's Anatomy.
  • "She seems like a good leader. Her hair is shiny."
  • How old is Kennedy supposed to be? Aren't the Potentials supposed to be teenagers? You're not supposed to be called once you're an adult. Because then they can't do that horrible 18th birthday shit (cruciamentum, yes of course I know the name, of course I didn't google that) that they like to do. [Edit: just checked the shooting script, which identifies Kennedy as being 19, so her relationship with Willow is legal, yay. But also that definitely means she's too old be to called, at least per tradition before the whammo in "Chosen."]
  • Also per the shooting script, apparently they intended Molly to be "a Brit of East Indian heritage." Oops?
  • OMG I forgot this was the scene where Anya's got some muttery monologue under the scene of everyone else. So random and weird. ends with "stinky old sponge"? She's just flat out muttering. None of it's scripted. But it's my favorite rando line in the ep.
  • Also Anya's wearing a leather fringe cowboy jacket.
  • Sunnydale is so big it has a permanent lot that, when not covered in Christmas trees, is just open and unused, thus no one has fallen through until Buffy did just now. Okay, sure, let's go with that.
  • Oh shit. Buffy found the Ubervamp.
  • That terrifying moment when it just removes the stake from its heart.
  • And one extra bit of trolling from the writers to us - is the Ubervamp scared off by the rising sun, or by Giles?
  • Aw, Buffy's search option tabs are web pages or chat rooms. 2002, you guys. So near and yet so far.
  • "What kind of movies do you like?" // "Oh me?" he said mysteriously, his face neutral, not facing her as he answered, "mysteries." I SEE YOU, SHOW.
  • "You're not Drusilla ... she was crazier than you."
  • Why is she calling Spike Daddy? Angelus is her Daddy, Darla is her Grandmother and Child, and Spike's her child. blah blah blah
  • So like. Is The First just having the Turok-Han beat the shit out of Spike for the hell of it? What is the endgame here? I'm genuinely curious. Spike was abducted to open the seal, okay, cool. It doesn't want the souled vampire dead or it would just kill him. Its vague purpose, with both Angel and Spike, seemed to be to have the souled vampire in proximity to Buffy, to weaken her. So what's the reasoning here? Oh right, THERE ISN'T ANY. Ugh. I can see the season falling apart in front of me and it's making me sad.
  • "Are you saying M. Night Shyamalan lied to us?"
  • "I admit, I went over to the dark side, but just to pick up a few things, and now I'm back. I've learned. I'm good again ... I'm like Vader in the last five minutes of Jedi with redemptive power of ... Mine is a redemptive struggle of epic redemption, which chronicles ... these ropes itch."
  • Oh Annabelle, you stupid summer child. It's time to die.
  • Oh man, watching Buffy limp-run away from the Ubervamp. It's scary and upsetting. She's not supposed to be our damsel in distress.
  • Turok's not even running. Because he knows he doesn't have to.
  • Buffy drops a pike of steel pipes on him, he gets up fine.
  • To Spike: "Do you know why you're alive?" The audience is wondering the same thing, First!Dru.
  • "She does, because she believes in me." A small bone thrown to the Spuffy shippers, in the midst of the despair of the episode.
  • Okay but we've got a great rousing speech from Buffy, right before the holiday hiatus, and I loved it, and I was excited for the rest of the season. After this is when I first started to get let down by what I thought was lost in the season's potential.
  • "We can't run, can't hide, can't pretend it's not the end, 'cause it is. Something's always been there to try to and destroy the world. We've beaten them back, but we're not dealing with them anymore. We're dealing with the reason they exist. Evil. The strongest. The First ... I'm beyond tired. I'm beyond scared. I'm standing on the mouth of hell, and it is gonna swallow me whole. And it'll choke on me. We're not ready? They're not ready. They think we're gonna wait for the end to come, like we always do. I'm done waiting ... There is only one thing on this earth more powerful than evil, and that's us. Any questions?" She's beat up, but she's still so strong. She's our hero.

  • And actually the next episode wasn't necessarily disappointing, but since it was a break in the airing, it was enough of a divide for me in terms of the blahhing of the season.
  • Also I'm preemptively pissed that after this awesome speech, they spend a lot of the rest of the season making fun of Buffy - who was basically pushed into her role as General by Giles and the rest - making fun of her for her rousing speeches. Do they want her to lead or don't they?
  • "Empty Places" is going to be a mess for us.

Daniel's Thoughts:

  • I love that this episode starts exactly like the last one – Xander cleaning up the window. 
  • Everyone loves hitting Andrew. 
  • Aww, Joyce.   And this seems like she’s not The First.  It’s a dream….maybe it really was Joyce?  “You need to wake up.” Sounds like good advice. 
  • Drusilla! 
  • The Uber Vamp has killer fashion sense. 
Just in from Milan

  • Andrew pronounced Voldermort correctly way before JK Rowling corrected us. 
  • “The Satanic Manhole” – sounds like a bad gay club name. 
  • Heyyyy, what are you guys doing here with shovels…..awkward. 
  • “I was….helping Dawn with a school project.”  “I was returning a shovel.”  Ugh, you’re all such terrible liars. 
  • Dawn: “Kids today like Redbull and Jackass!”  Yes….it was a terrible time. 
  • “Things are starting to back-up [with your made-up job.]” 
  • Uh oh.  Willow’s spell back-fired?  Must be Tuesday. 
  • GILES!  Ooh, notice that Buffy starts to go to hug Giles but is interrupted.  Well directed because you wouldn’t notice it until we find out why. 
  • Wow, Anya’s hair changed a lot in the last…day. 
  • And here are the potentials…    Starting with three: Kennedy, Molly & Annabelle. 
Spoiler: one of us will die but who?!

  • “Yeah, he’ll help – if he’s not crazy or all killing people…or dead.  Or you know, all of the above.” 
  • Why is putting Spike’s head under water torture when he doesn’t breathe? (Z already called the shenanigan above)
  • Sunny California in December.  Look at all those heavy coats. 
  • See?  This is why I hated Kennedy.  There is absolutely no reason for Willow to have a relationship now.  She went mad and almost destroyed the world six months ago because her girlfriend was killed.  Almost.  Destroyed. The World.   And now she’s given a potential (pun intended) girlfriend?  WTF?  Let the girl be single for a while. 
  • And meanwhile Anya & Xander will remain single for the rest of the season except for that one date Xander goes on.
  • How do you burn Mac & Cheese? [Let me tell you a thing. - Z]
  • I like Anya’s weird cowgirl jacket. 
  • Seriously, how are we going to feed all these girls?  Especially when there’s more coming.  No one has money.  Buffy’s the only one with a job.  I guess Xander….but neither of them make enough to support all these girls.  I wonder if Willow has a trust fund or something from her parents?  We never find out.  And where are the Rosenbergs anyway?  Man, train of thought is running away from the station right there.  And why isn’t Anya working?  How does she pay for her apartment? [Remember that bank she robbed? - Z]
  • Stakes don’t work on ubervamps?  Ok?  At least sun does? I guess? 
  • Giles: “I thought they were a myth.” Me: You were myth-taken 
  • Hahahaha. Buffy is googling “Evil” and a website called Evil Evil Evil pops up. 
  • Dude, Principal Wood – don’t look at your employee’s desktops. 
  • Man, Dru is so skinny. 
  • See Joyce touched her.  This is a dream.  The real Joyce or Buffy’s subconscious; I don’t think it matters. 
  • There didn’t seem to be a big Willow/Giles reunion when he came back.  They shared something incredibly real.  Willow thought she might be coming back too soon. Why hasn’t there been a scene with them yet? 
  • Annabelle split.  Why?  Where was she running to?  Why at night?  Why did she pick this moment to run? 
  • How did she get to this storage unit park or…whatever they’re called and how did Buffy track her there?  Is it right around the corner from Chez Summers? 
  • Wow.  This vamp is so powerful.  How will they every defeat it….and the 1000000000000000 of them beneath the surface? 
  • Giles is being such a downer. 
  • And here’s the start of the Buffy speeches.
  • Buffy: “Anyone who wants to run, do it now.”  Or, ya know…wait til sunlight. 

D: [before episode starts] "I liked Kennedy at first. She was the only one I liked. She was the only smart one. She did things. I just didn't think she was a good match for Willow."
Z: *quietly leaves apartment and never returns*

Dawn: Kids of today liked Red Bull and Jackass!
D: *groans and looks pained*
Favorite Lines:
Z: (unfortunately, couldn't discern most of Anya's mutterings but it ends with) "I'll just rub away with the stinky old sponge." - Anya
D: "Yeah, he'll help. If he's not crazy. Or killing people. Or dead. Or, you know, all of the above." - Anya

Arc/Continuity Stuff:
Recurring: Joyce (Dream/Hallucination), Bringers, Turok-Han, The First (as Spike, Dru), Andrew, Wood, Giles, Buffy's dayjob
First appearance: Kennedy, Molly, Annabelle
Last appearance: Annabelle

Anya's Hair - light brown, pageboyish cut; chunky curls on day two
Dead Humans - 1
Dead Undeads - 0
Dead Flashbacks - 2
Dead Potentials - 1
Giles Unconscious - 0
Giles Cleans His Glasses - 0
Buffy Breaks a Door - 0
Buffy Breaks a Wall (with her body) - 1
Turok-Han Breaks a Buffy - 1
Buffy Makes a Rousing Speech - 1
Evil Reveal - 0
Unevil Reveal - 0
Shenanigans Called - 2
Apocalypse Called - 1

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

A Much Crappier Musical

Episode 7.9: Never Leave Me. Original Airdate 11.26.02

"Spike is held captive in the Summers home while the Scoobies ponder their options in the aftermath of his murder spree. Willow finds Andrew buying blood and decides to take him prisoner also. While they try to decide what to do next, the gang are interrupted by the mysterious hooded figures called 'Bringers' ... the minions of the First Evil."

Daniel's Thoughts:

  • Xander finally found his superpower: Construction
  • Dawn Summers – Unlikely voice of reasonnnn
  • “Shouldn’t we stab him through the chest? Isn't it what we do when these things happen?”
  • Damn it, Andrew.
  • I’ll say this for the first. He does a good Warren impression.
  • Ok, Warren clearly morphed into Jonathan. Does Andrew think they’re really his friends? What is Andrew thinking right now? Or is he even thinking at all?
  • And here’s martyr Spike. Ugh. Kill me. No. Kill him.
  • Ah, the myth of the permanent record.
  • DB Woodside has some great comedy chops.
  • Travers is in England. You can tell because of all the books. And the giant globe. All the old stuff.
  • Spike’s going through withdrawal….or something? I don’t…he’s shaking? Why? Why is he all dead face? Did someone hum the song?
  • Buffy: “We need to get some blood” Willow: “Do you want me to kill Anya?” FUCK YOU. Fuuuuuuckkkkkkkk youuuuuuu, willlooooooow. Seriously? Even in jest? Spike’s the one killing people but you even jokingly suggest killing Anya? You still have this weird beef with Anya? Did "Triangle" teach you nothing? WTF, Willow. Fuck you.  You are the worst.  The WORST.
  • Aww, piggy.
  • I don’t know…I feel like the First is acting too much like Warren now. There’s no sign that he’s anything other than that.
  • Willow vs. Andrew. I’m not sure who I want to win in this lame fight, really.
  • Andrew: “You killed my best friend.” You, too…also killed your other best friend.
  • Andrew: “I’m good.” Yeah…you just killed one of your best friends.  Which is why Andrew is irredeemable. And the writers knew this.  Why have Andrew kill someone in cold blood when they know they're going to make him a recurring goofball?  There is no logic here.
  • Ugh, this convo between Willow and Andrew is just so embarrassing. Just pull it out and measure already. Willow has lost every shred of badness she’s ever had.
  • LOL. I love this good cop/bad cop Xander/Anya thing. Anya slapping Andrew bring so much satisfaction.
  • See at this point, on first watch, I actually thought Xander and Anya would get back together. I actually wished for it. Now all I want is to watch Xander get his eye gouged out. (spoilers!)
  • Ugh, this whole Spike self-pity scene. I just can’t.
  • Xander and Andrew do have some good comedic chemistry.
  • Anya is hitting Andrew again! Yay! Let’s make this an episode.
  • Yay! Spike! Kill Andrew! Aww, Buffy saved him.
  • “Maybe it’s another musical! A much crappier musical.”
  • I love that that one episode where Xander thought he was a soldier has given us so much information. I wonder if Buffy knows a lot about 18th century plantations.
  • Where’d they get those chains? Leftover from Oz?
  • Spike: “Kill me” OK!
  • Spike: “You’ve never met the real me.” Haven’t we?
  • “You’ve fought by my side. You’ve saved lives…” Yeah, so did Anya when you stabbed her through the chest. The difference is you like Spike’s penis.
  • Oh man, Xander just fixed that window.
  • Oooh, why is Wood burying Jonathan?
  • Nice hit, Dawn!
  • Omg, using Andrew as a battering ram is brilliant.
  • And bye bye watcher’s council. I love this set-up because it makes us think that the Watcher’s council is going to be all involved with this big speech by Travers. And BOOM.
  • Even the all-knowing First doesn’t know Andrew’s name.
  • Hey! An uber vamp. And here comes all the inconsistencies with this new creature. Happy rest of Season 7 everyone!

Zelda's Thoughts: 

  • Okay, let's get started on the episode that should have been titled "Sleeper"! Yeah GO TEAM.
  • Last episode covered November 13th and 14th. So today we start the 15th, yes?
  • Okay it might still be the evening of the 14th. Let's go with that. It means Xander got on fixing the window faster.
  • "So the basement was filled with bodies? ... And Spike could've sired countless others and buried them around town. And we're waiting for him to do what exactly? Do something crazy?" // "Shouldn't we stab him through the chest? Isn't that what we do when these things happen?"
  • At least the show is acknowledging the awkwardness, with both Dawn and Anya being like "soooo what's the plan?"
  • Of course Andrew is cosplaying as Spike.
  • "I'm little! I don't have as much blood as other people!" It's true. I wonder if he's too little to donate blood.
  • Danny Strong is good at the quiet menace. "We can work around that."
  • "I get free, someone's gonna die." Yeah so let's use rope and wood to secure a potentially feral vamp. Let's not use shackles and let's not, say, ward wherever he is with crosses and whatnot. They really should have consulted with Wood on this. Except they didn't know about Wood yet. BUT DON'T BRING LOGIC INTO THIS.
  • Hey, speaking of Robin Wood! There he is being awesome. "Listen, this whole permanent record thing is such a myth anyway. Colleges never ask for anything past your SAT scores, and it's not like employers are gonna be calling up to check to see how many days you missed back in high school."
  • D.B. Woodside was too good for this season. "I think it would be much easier if I just called the police, let them deal with it."
  • We've taken such a long hiatus that I'm just excited to see all the cast again. I'm in denial about the direction of the season.
  • Man, Travers, you are such a little shit. I'd abuse you more but I know you're about to go all 'splodey.
  • "The girl knows nothing." And ... you want her to remain that way? Your own defense against the oncoming evil? How stupidly self-destructive do you have to be?
  • Willow's joke about killing Anya is ... pretty tasteless? Like even out of character callousness, even for her and her antipathy toward Anya. I know Daniel is ranting about it even as I type this. Like, we can joke about killing Andrew all we want - and I'm sure we will - but she's one of the Scoobies, and she's human again, and Willow needs to stop.
  • "Babe 2: Pig in the City was really underrated." // "Don't think about Babe"
  • "I'm not bad. I'm not bad anymore. I'm good. I do good things now." // "Then why do you need lots and lots of blood?" // "I am bad."
  • Eh, the Willow/Andrew showdown scene isn't doing much for me. I just ... I don't care.
  • Guys, I just noticed - it's definitely November 15th. 
  • Anya as bad cop is kind of delightful.
  • "When did your chip stop working?" // "Wasn't aware that it had." And it hasn't really - it's active while he's conscious - we saw that last episode. Somehow the trigger from The First switches off the chip?
  • "Meaning I have come to redefine the words pain and suffering since I fell in love with you." // "How can you say that?"
  • I do like that they're having a frank discussion. "You hated yourself and you took it out on me." "Soul's not all about moonbeams and penny whistles, luv. It's about self-loathing."
  • Except for this: "I understand you now, I understand the violence inside." What ... does that mean?
  • Xander plays good cop well, too. I should say that. 
  • "Does smallpox still kill people?" #awkward
  • Okay but Xander you don't get to metaphorize your fuckup and act like Anya did it to you. Though I do appreciate the Heart of Darkness nod to "Restless." Season Seven, if nothing else, is good at its "Restless" callbacks.
  • Noooooooo Buffy don't leave Spike alone! The First is watching!
  • "I was just keeping myself company." SO TO SPEAK. BECAUSE THE FIRST TOOK SPIKE'S FORM. DO YOU GET IT?
  • And the chair is broken.
  • And the wall is broken. Poor Buffy's house.
  • "How's what's-his-name?" You mean Tucker's brother?
  • "And then he started singing." // "Maybe it's another musical!" // Blank stares all round. // "A much crappier musical."
  • And here's Xander to explain sleeper agents/triggers - which gosh, would have been a good title for THIS episode, right? At least they say it's from his movie-watching, and not lingering Soldier!Xander memories 
  • "How do we holster - safety - I don't know guns."
  • "I need to know exactly what we're dealing with." Cut to Principal Wood being ... suspicious. D.B. Woodside being so good at leaning into the ambiguity with his neutral mask.
  • I can't believe Andrew just left Jonathan's corpse there. What a shitty friend.
  • Oh look, Buffy found the shackles. Headcanon that Xander used his carpentry skills to install the wall socket to hold them.

  • I mean, it's hilarious but SHENANIGANS he did not know Tucker and he's met Andrew before.
  • I actually do follow Buffy's logic for deciding to go after Anya in "Selfless" but not to kill Spike here (sorry Daniel). Anya consciously made choices; Buffy's seen for herself that Spike isn't fully conscious when he's doing these things. Spike's dangerous, and he needs to be secured so he can't hurt people, but this isn't volitional.
  • "Do you know how much blood you can drink from a girl before she'll die? I do." This speech is chilling. "Cause it's not worth it if they don't cry."
  • "You like men who hurt you." Nope. Fuck you, Spike. "No, I don't hate like that. Not you, or myself. Not anymore. You think you have insight now, 'cause your soul's drenched in blood? You don't know me. You don't even know you."
  • "You're alive because I saw you change. Because I saw your penance."
  • The Spuffyness of this ep is good for a shipper like me, but I can also see where Daniel's (and other's) frustrations are coming from.
  • "I believe in you, Spike." HIS FACE.
  • And then the stupid Bringers arrive and destroy everything.
  • Poor Jonathan gets a pauper's grave.
  • And now Buffy's using Andrews as a blunt weapon to hurl at the Bringers and it's hilarious
  • Welp, so much for those shackles.
  • Welp, so much for the Watchers' Council.
  • Man, even The First pretends not to remember Andrew's name. That's way harsh, Tai.
  • "To be honest, I'm getting a little tired of subtle." Hark! Are those the season's death knells?
  • Camden Toy's back, you guys!
  • And thus November 15th draws to a close.

Favorite Lines:

Daniel: "And I wasn't sure if I should slap him - but then he made me want to slap him, so I thought, OK, slap him!" - Anya
Zelda: "Maybe it's another musical! ... A much crappier musical." - Anya
Bonus: From the shooting script: "Quentin: It's all right, Blake. 'We are still masters of our fate, we are still captain of our souls.' // Winston Churchill's words give Blake resolve, as they do all British people."

Arc/Continuity Stuff:

  • First appearance: Turok-Han (and another stint from Camden Toy)
  • Recurring: Andrew, The First (as Warren, Jonathan, Spike, Buffy), Robin Wood, Quentin Travers, people not remembering Andrew's name, Bringers, that one Watcher who had a crush on Spike, that one Watcher Buffy threw a sword at
  • Shoutout to OMWF!, 
  • Shoutout to Xander's stint as a soldier
  • Buffy realizes it's The First that's been coming for them


Anya's Hair - light brown, side bangs, pageboy-ish cut
Dead Humans - 10 (+?)
Dead Undeads - 3
Buffy Breaks a Door - 1 (not on purpose)
Spike Breaks a Wall - 1
Bringers Break the House - 1
Evil Reveal - 1 (confirmation that The First is the Big Bad)
Unevil Reveal - 0
Shenanigans Called - 1
Apocalypse Called - 0

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Billy Idol Wannabe

Episode 7.8: Sleeper. Original Airdate 11.19.02

"The Scooby Gang fear Spike may have turned evil again when people begin mysteriously disappearing around town."

Zelda's Thoughts: 

  • Yeah I'm just going to call my shenanigan now before the episode starts. I think they misnamed this episode and the next one. This episode is called "Sleeper," and yet the concept of Spike being a sleeper agent isn't named until the next episode, "Never Leave Me." MEANWHILE, this is the episode where Spike is humming "Early One Morning" song (which contains the lyric "Never leave me") to himself, NOT the next episode. This ep shoulda been "Never Leave Me," and next ep shoulda been "Sleeper." Someone done fucked up.
  • Okay so I checked the shooting script - they originally intended the song he's humming to be "I'll Be Seeing You." I'm still pissed though. Whichever song it is should have dictated this episode's title, not the next. They even have The First saying "I'll be seeing you" to a retreating Spike, instead of "How could you use a poor maiden so?" My argument stands.
  • All righty, this episode is the same night, but later, 4:30 am. So today is November 13th. JUST KEEP THAT IN MIND, PEOPLE.
  • Spike's kind of a terrible hummer y'all.
  • BUT IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING, HE'S HUMMING THE SONG. Ohhh don't deceive me, oh never leave me, how could you use a poor maiden so. As he buries his latest kill.
  • London! Where's Giles?
  • Oh right, this dude.
  • The Bringers are back! And they killed a potential.
  • Awkward scene is awkward.
  • Unless Spike is completely passed out, I'm sure he'd be able to hear all of Xander's and Anya's conversation in the living room. They're not exactly modifying their volume.
  • "Before that, the lies were very convincing. It just seems real." Man, remember back when we thought The First was an awesome villain? It was because of stuff like this, the terrifying skill of manipulation, where it didn't NEED to be corporeal when it could just manipulate whoever it wanted to do whatever it wanted, punch people in the hearts and watch them bleed.
  • Spike's "closet room" is definitely bigger than some New York apartments.
  • Spike still sleeps naked, for anyone who was wondering about that.
  • "Anya, do be specific and tell a fella just exactly what you're doing here." JM is good at toeing the line with his delivery and presence this ep, whether he's gone evil or not. SEE, WRITERS? YOU CAN LET YOUR ACTORS IN ON THE GAME AND THEY CAN STILL DELIVER. *growls at S6*
  • "Ridiculous, the 'do's quite fetching." This scene is so bizarre but it has some gems in it. "All I'm saying is soulless Spike would have had me upside down and halfway to Happy Land by now."
  • Aw landlines, you guys, remember landlines?
  • None of these exteriors look like the Sunnydale we know and love. Headcanon that we're one town over.
  • I LOVE THE TOUCH of the harmonica guy picking up the "Early One Morning" melody (The First has great influence, yo), which triggers Spike into prowl mode.
  • Good fakeout, we think it's Buffy approaching Spike with the woman in the alley. His complete surprise when he sees her contributes to that. "You know you want it. You know I want you to." but NOPE IT'S THE FIRST. And then it shifts to Spike's visage JUST TO MAKE SURE WE KNOW OUR BUFFY ISN'T EVIL. And as Spike, it recites a lyric from "Early One Morning," which - honestly? I wouldn't have recognized the song from how Spike was humming it. This episode needed to be named "Never Leave Me." I think I need to go channel Xander and blame a wall.
  • "Did you kill that girl last night?" Okay it is now November 14th, for those keeping score at home.
  • Watch, after all my fits, the timeline actually play out. But right now I'm convinced it won't.
  • "This chip, they did to me. I couldn't help it. The soul I got on my own."
  • "Cuz god help me, Buffy, it's still all about you." my shipper heart!
  • Seeeeeeeee Xander, Spike's chip is still active! ... sometimes. Just not when he's been sleeper activated. Or when it's Buffy.
  • Hi Aimee Mann.
  • HI COVERT VAMPIRE. Let's fight.
  • "One bite stand." I need to go blame the wall for that line, too. Somehow the dorky puns are only acceptable when Buffy delivers them.
  • It is kind of hilarious, that everyone pauses when the vamp goes over the edge and dusts, then - back to the song.
  • "Man, I hate playing vampire towns." I'm blaming a lot of walls today.

*eye roll*
  • You shouldn't have done that. It's not time yet. Not nearly. You're going against the plan. But we can make it work." THE AMOUNT OF TIME I SPENT PARSING THIS LINE FOR MEANING DURING THE ORIGINAL AIRING. Back when we thought The First actually had any semblance of a coherent plan. Back when we had hope for Season Seven.
  • oh look we're singing the song again. YOU KNOW THE SONG. THAT THIS EPISODE IS NOT NAMED FOR. I'm sorry, it's just ... so dumb. And so easy to fix.
  • JM is such a good actor, I love how he plays the scene. She walks up to him with the stake. He opens himself, prepares, "Do it fast, okay? He said you'd do it."
  • "I can't cry this soul out of me. It won't come."
  • "There's something playing with us. All of us." // "What is it? Why is it doing this to me?" because it's impotent.
  • "Help me? Can you help me?" // "I'll help you."


  • Man, this was such serious trolling. If he had been killed, it was trolling of "Giles is back! And he died instantly." And he's not killed but THEY TROLLED US SO HARD WITH THINKING HE WAS DEAD AND FUCK YOU WRITERS.
  • Headless Giles.

Daniel's Thoughts:

  • And now, the rest of the season will be all about Spike.
  • 4:30am – same night as Conversations with Dead People.
  • Spike is out burying the girl he killed. Ugh. I – really, this is the beginning of the end, people. This might have been a good season 8 episode? But he’s had his soul for what, a few months?
  • Willow: I saw something too. Dawn: It was Tara right? Because that would make sense, right? Nope. NOPE.
  • Some of the wounds from earlier in the night are missing from Dawn’s face. Bad continuity there.
  • I still don’t understand why Spike is living at Xander’s. There’s no logical reason.
  • Xander has a tool wall over his couch. I bet Anya didn’t allow that when she was living there.
  • “If I get vamped, I’m gonna bite your ass.” “Wouldn’t be the first time." “What was that?”
  • Mine wasn’t actually Tara. Because Amber wouldn’t come back. But Dawn saw your mother. because Kristine Sutherland is actually awesome.
  • Has Anya really just been sitting there on the couch all day? It’s almost night. No soaps?
  • And of course Spike is sleeping naked, because why not?
  • Anya’s being helpful and looking for clues! Cause that’s what she does.
  • Oh this is so awkward, Anya’s fake seducing.
  • “I’m just saying soulless spike would have me upside down and halfway to happy land by now”
  • I think Anya dialed five numbers. Also, why is she wearing bathroom wallpaper?

Whoever dressed Anya this season needs to be fired from all things.

  • I’m just watching this and I have no opinions. I’m just bored with this. Spike should have been dead ages ago.
  • How does Buffy think he’s getting blood?
  • How does Spike think he’s getting blood? Let’s say he buys some blood bank stuff….does he not  realize he’s too full to drink it? I know: none of this matters.
  • “I used to tell the truth all the time when I was evil.”
  • Ugh, everything about this episode is so damn dreadful. It’s depressing without my actually caring about what's depressing.
  • It’s weird that he doesn’t get a vamp vibe from her until she shows her face.
  • “A One Bite Stand”? Even the puns are lame.
  • Love this bouncer. 1) knows hotness when he sees it, by telling Buffy to skip the line and go right in. 2) Makes fun of Spike, “Billy Idol-type?” 3) Wisely tells Buffy to stay away from Spike.
  • Now’s the time to stake Spike, Buffy.
  • Because we’ve left Spike alive, there’s at least 8 more innocent people dead. Willow only killed one. But sure, let’s keep Spike alive.
  • And Anya’s reaction. She can’t believe it, having almost been killed by Buffy weeks before.
  • There are so many excuses to keep Spike around. So many lame excuses.
  • Giles!!!
  • That axe swinging at his face was sure scary the first time I saw it. Still kinda gives me chills.

Favorite Lines:

Zelda: "I used to tell the truth all the time when I was evil." - Anya
Daniel: Anya: 
“If I get vamped, I’m gonna bite your ass.” Xander: “Wouldn’t be the first time." Anya:“What was that?”

Arc/Continuity Stuff:

  • First appearance: Robson (Watcher)
  • Recurring: that blonde girl Spike drained last ep,The Bringers, The First, The Bronze, The Giles
  • Giles may or may not have gotten his head cut off

Anya's Hair - brown, shoulder length, wavy
Dead Humans - 2
Dead Undeads - 8
Dead Flashbacks - 6
Giles Unconscious - 0
Giles Cleans His Glasses - 0
Buffy Breaks a Door - 0
Evil Reveal - 0
Unevil Reveal - 1 (Spike is being controlled, not volitional murdering)
Shenanigans Called - 1
Apocalypse Called - 0