PLEASE NOTE: THIS IS A SPOILER-RICH ZONE. If your diet requires you to dine on television spoiler-free ... good luck with that.


Tuesday, July 31, 2018

Ooh, Tell Me More About This Band Dork

Episode 2.17: Plan B. Original Airdate 4.05.06

"Weevil believes that Thumper killed Felix and he asks Veronica to help him prove it. While Logan wins an essay contest and gets to intern for a week with Mayor Woody Goodman, Keith examines a video that was taken, apparently by a stalker, inside of Woody's house. Also, Wallace goes to the school's Sadie Hawkins dance with Jane, and Mac asks Veronica for advice on how to improve her less-than-romantic relationship with Beaver."

Daniel's Thoughts:

  • Let’s see who won the essay contest.  Hey, it’s Logan. Gasp.
  • Funny that his t-shirt says ‘slacker’ at this particular moment.
  • Nice continuity with Easy Rider, the movie Logan made Hannah watch the previous week.
  • Jane gives Wallace a kiss on the cheek and he doesn’t really seem that into it.  We’ll see what that’s about.
  • Hey it’s Weevil!  We haven’t seen him in a while.
  • Weevil says Thumper killed Bambi.  I mean Felix.
  • He wasn’t involved in the episode where Logan’s charges were dropped.  Weird since he was involved in that.
  • And hey, it’s Jackie!
  • And Wallace is kinda flirting with Jackie now, so I guess we know what that look was about.
  • Logan wasn’t kidding before…there really is a Sadie Hawkins dance.
  • Logan puts his hand on the bible and then recoils like it burns.  It’s such an old hokey joke but he makes it work.

  • I don’t really care what’s going on now, so I’ll tell you a story.  There’s a musical called “Guttenberg: the musical” about the printing press that I totally thought was a parody about Steve Guttenberg.   That is all.
  • Logan goes from school to interning to a stake out.  When is homework??
  • Veronica’s locker is unlocked?  She finds this okay?
  • Flirting is getting to a higher level between Jackie & Wallace.
  • I feel like this is the episode where they’re laying down the clues about both Beaver & Woody.
  • …showing Woody ‘innocently’ copping a feel on Logan.
  • The Fitzpatricks really are just irredeemable asshats.
  • Ugh, Lamb is so frustrating and I guess he always will be.  For about another year anyway.
  • Jessica Jones at spring fling!  Gia is so different than Jessica – she’s so great.

  • And Wallace continues to pay more attention to Jackie than Jane.  We never really got to see much of Jane, so I’m not too bothered.
  • Oh hello, Wallace kissed Jackie.  And I really like Jackie’s reaction.  I like that she doesn't want to be seen as that girl and Wallace is putting her in a really bad position.
  • I’d feel bad for Beav at this point, because I’d suspect what’s going on here….except we know what’s coming.
  • Crazy way for Thumper to die.  And he deserves bad things, but this, man.

  • I’m glad Wallace is stepping up and doing the right thing Jane – even if it did take a day.
  • And Jackie does the right thing anyway.  
  • Aww, poor Mac.  Everyone’s breaking up.
  • And is it poetic justice that Logan’s the one who accidentally kills Thumper?

  • I remember when Shea Stadium imploded.  That’s…the end of that story.

Zelda's Thoughts:

  • I can't believe Mrs. Murphy is playing a patriotic PowerPoint while she announces that Logan won the essay contest.
  • Oh Weevil's back. He's been gone for three years.
  • "This face? Right here? My over the moon face." I'd forgotten that this ep is what that line is from. 
  • Did V have bangs last episode or are they new?
  • "All right, tell me. Damn my curiosity!"
She's just so cute.

  • V pretends to do the shocker gesture and Weevil tries to correct her, and I would bet you so much money it's a nod to when Logan and Dick did that gesture earlier this season and the show got away with it.

because that's NOT the shocker gesture

  • Oh Jackie's back! And Wallace may or may not be flirting with her.
  • Though right now it's being framed as friendship.
  • Mac and Beaver holding hands, looking at the Sadie Hawkins banner, and she's being charmingly adorable and so is he but I HATE KNOWING THE FUTURE.
  • Logan's in full douche mode this episode, a flip flop from his angst of last episode. "Follow the bouncing ball: not my problem."
  • Woody Goodman's assistant is yet another Americas Next Top Model, as you can tell from her embarrassingly bad line delivery.
  • Hah I do love Logan's snap this episode, pretending the bible burns him, then once he's sworn in, leaving to fire Sheriff Lamb (I wish).
  • His grand prize is opening and sorting mail for the Mayor. How grand.
  • But luckily it means he found the threatening video taken inside the Goodman house. He thinks it's someone who's against Neptune incorporating, but shhhhh it's actually spoiler about spoiler.
  • Aw Mac's worried that her physical relationship with Beaver hasn't progressed beyond hand-holding and kissing.
  • Ugh I just. Woody having Logan spotting him while he lifts weights. Just. Logan's too old for his gross predator track record, but STOP FEELING UP LOGAN'S BICEPS WHAT THE FUCK

  • I mean also this is our first major red flag about Woody so obv it needs to be there and I know there's a lot more WHAT THE FUCK to be uncovered about Woody's activities. What a shit.
  • At least Weevil's prompted Molly to finally start questioning what the Fitzpatricks have been saying, and how much they were behind Felix's murder.
  • Oh mannn I forgot Veronica and Weevil bugged that conversation with the yellow truck Weevil gave to Molly. I mean, of course they did, but I'd forgotten that piece.
  • Lamb, once again the worst.
  • And Weevil warned us, if Veronica can't get justice against Thumper through the Law, he'll take care of it on his own.
  • Keith figured out that the video inside Woody's house was shot before the incorporation initiative ... so there's another reason someone broke into his house. And that reason is spoiler.
  • Shit, I forgot that a kid witnesses Weevil knock Thumper out and rob him (and set him up to get punished by the Fitzpatricks).
  • Welp, there Wallace is, dancing with Jane, and looking at Jackie. Don't be that guy, Wallace. Both girls deserve better.
  • Fuck, I forgot he tries to kiss Jackie too. DON'T BE THAT GUY, WALLACE.
  • And now he's making it seem like Jackie made the advances. DON'T BE THAT GUY, WALLACE.
  • Now they're both mad at him, as they should be.
  • I never really get why gifs of this dance between Logan and V are so popular. They're barely looking at each other, and she only dragged him up so he wouldn't start insulting Gia. Any chemistry port in a storm?
  • I remembered that Thumper got blown up in the demolition; I'd forgotten the Fitzpatricks put him there. I guess it removes Weevil one more step away from outright murder.
  • And Woody, a bad bad liar, lies badly to Keith about who's behind the creepy stalker DVD of his house.
  • But our Keith is no dummy.
  • Woody, complimenting V for coming in to help Keith on her lunch break ... from high school ... at 3pm (you can see the damn clock) ... I'd call a shenanigan but I think it's just another sign of how rattled he is, because he knows what that stalker video was actually about.
  • At least Wallace is coming clean to Jane.
  • Ugh ugh ugh. Mac "I don't know what I'm doing either." Beaver: "I know what I'm doing." Yeah, maybe when you're raping an unconscious girl.
  • And now he's being COMPLETELY shitty to Mac and pretending it's because she talked to Veronica about it. Fuck you, Beaver. I mean, we know how much I hate you because I know the future, but also fuck you for this moment in particular. Mac is the best and you don't deserve her.
  • Sigh. V got the trucker to finally ID Thumper to the police as Felix's killer, but it's too late: he's gettin' murderfaced.

Favorite Lines:

(to Sheriff Lamb)


Neptune Roll Call: Wallace, Logan, Weevil, Beaver, Jackie (Absent: Duncan, Dick)
Recurring: Mrs. Murphy, Jane Kuhne, Thumper, Hector, Felix Toombs, Mr. Wu, Cindy "Mac" Mackenzie, Mayor Woody Goodman, Gia Goodman, Molly Fitzpatrick, Danny Boyd, Liam Fitzpatrick, Sheriff Don Lamb, Deputy Jerry Sacks, David "Curly" Moran, Foreman
America's Next Top Model: Furonda Brasfield (Beverly Simms)


Dead Humans - 1
Backup Sighting - 0
Veronica Breaks In - 0
Veronica Tases Someone - 0
Mac Hacks - 0
Who's Your Daddy? - 0
Wallace Does Veronica a Favor - 0
Veronica Wants a Pony - 0
Logan Punches Someone - 0
Dick's Single Entendres - 0
Shenanigans Called - 0

Wednesday, July 25, 2018

Is That What the Kids Call Motorboating?

Episode 2.16: The Rapes of Graff. Original Airdate 3.29.06

"While accompanying Wallace to Hearst College, Veronica runs into her ex-boyfriend Troy. The next day, Troy is accused of raping a girl on campus and then shaving her head, and Veronica reluctantly agrees to help him. Meanwhile, Keith helps Cliff with a personal problem involving a prostitute, and Logan makes a decision regarding his relationship with Hannah."

Zelda's Thoughts:

  • Mayor Woody Goodman is having an essay writing contest because contrivance
  • Logan finally blackmailed Dr. Tom enough to get his case dismissed
  • Come on, Veronica, give in to destiny. You know you're going to go to Hearst if the show gets a third season. You know it, Wallace knows it, and the American People know it.
  • And Logan breaks up with Hannah and we're all sad.
  • Hi there George Michael Bluth.
  • who is apparently sober and less shady now. or so he claims. shrug?
  • Madison Sinclair is dating someone "more mature" than Dick, but since I know it's Sheriff Lamb, I'd like to challenge that assessment.
  • V: *throws a beer in a toolbag's face* Toolbag: Yeah, tell me how you like it *aims another beer* V: *tips his beer into his face again*
  • Hi there Maeby Funke
  • Oh shit V just tased the toolbag.
  • Oh Cliffffffff what have you done why are you handcuffed and stranded in a hotel bed
  • Someone raped Maeby Funke and the police think it's Troy. But it's too early in the episode for it to be him.
  • Aw shit someone stole Cliff's case files about Logan

  • I guess she's probably 18 now, so it's not illegal, it's just gross.
  • Hannah slipped a file into the get out of jail cake she made for Logan. Logan's feeling shitty about himself, as he should.
  • Veronica to Maeby: "It's just gonna suck, and then it'll suck less."
  • Christ. The rapist left a box of hair outside Maeby's door. But it's not even her hair.
  • V to the wig shop lady: "Please, ma'am, she's my sister." // "I'm sorry, this girl was Hawaiian." // "Oh." *leaves*
  • "I don't know if you get points for being sassy, but yeah."
  • Gross. The frat house has a pantie board, and that toolbag from before is claiming he nailed Veronica.
  • V found another victim of the headshaving rapist, and it happened before Troy was anywhere near campus, which exonerates him.
  • But also there's a serial rapist running around campus, and knowing the future, this is gonna keep being a problem through next season that continues to not be dealt with. At least she's getting that frat put on probation for the semester.
  • Wallace "See if you come here next year, you've already got enemies. Just feel right at home." That's actually the most enticing thing one could say.
  • I ... actually forgot that Logan apologized to Hannah and made up with her.
  • "Dad, your hooker's here." "Escort, honey."
  • Oh right, then Dr. Tom comes and breaks them up and ships her off forever. Bye Hannah I guess?
  • V: "What do you know about plastic explosives?" // Keith: "Well, that's what I like: a good segue."
  • Aw yay Wallace got his scholarship.
  • V, undercover as a pink garbed blondie, finds out the construction site where they're demolishing the stadium has the same C4 that blew up the bus and was found at Terrence Cook's hangar. And Danny Boyd works there.
Daniel's Thoughts:

  • Hey, an essay contest to be Mayor Pedo’s (spoilers) assistant.
  • Wallace is not very approving of Logan.
  • Don’t worry, you’ll all get into (fake) Hearst college that happens to be in (fake) Neptune.
  • And Poor Hannah.  She’s just a rube in all this.  Poor naïve Hannah.
  • Hey, special guest star Michael Cera.  And he’s actually pretty funny.  And also pretty much playing college level George Michael.
  • Oh hey, it’s Troy.    I love the Ashmore twins!
  • Madison and Dick are on the outs again.  I can so see their future in 20 years – him cheating, her drinking. [both of them hooking up with barely-legals -Z]
  • Ugh, this college dude is so awful.
  • Veronica can take care of herself.  The throwing of the drink and then…making him throw another one on himself.  So good.
  • And Alia Shawkat! Maybe…  I don’t remember ever seeing her have such long and straight hair.  It looks strange, but good. 
  • Aww, Cliff is in trouble.  Keith’s coming to bail him out.
  • I guess that was a wig Alia was wearing…
  • Could Troy Vandergraff be innocent? GASP
  • Oh gross, Lamb is hooking up with Madison.  I feel like it happens often in tv shows.  The thing is, in real life High School girls look like high school girls.  On TV, they’re played by 25 year olds so it seems better than it is?
  • Troy: Maybe you can just believe me.  I mean why should she after you so talentedly lied to her many times in the past?
  • Dick’s wearing a t-shirt that says, “Screw with my head”. 

I don't think it'd be too difficult

  • Weird part?  Alia actually looks pretty good with a shaved head.
  • The music behind Veronica’s totally fake sob story at the wig shop.  It’s so old school soap opera music and it’s wonderful.
  • "This Girl was Hawaiian."  "Oh."

  • How convenient that Wallace passes by and unlocks the window that Veronica needs to break in to.
  • Veronica needs to find a Hawaiian girl…so she finds the Hawaiian club. Okay.
  • So Veronica solved the hair rape case…for now.
  • SHENANIGANS.  Alia is walking a dog.  Why does she have a dog? a dorm?
  • SHENANIGANS. Also why does Veronica have so many bags if she stayed at home the other night?
  • I really don’t understand why Hannah is so enthralled with Logan. He’s been pretty awful. But…that’s relationships.  A lot of young relationships, at that.

Favorite Lines:


"Dad, your hooker's here." "Escort, honey." - Veronica/Keith


Neptune Roll Call: Wallace, Logan, Dick (Absent: Duncan, Weevil, Beaver, Jackie)
First Appearance: Chip Diller, Drew, Foreman
Recurring: Mrs. Murphy, Hannah Griffith, Troy Vandergraff, Cliff McCormack, Sheriff Don Lamb, Madison Sinclair, Dr. Tom Griffith, Danny Boyd
Already Famous Person: Michael Cera, Alia Shawkat


Dead Humans - 0
Backup Sighting - 0
Veronica Breaks In - 1
Veronica Tases Someone - 1
Mac Hacks - 0
Who's Your Daddy? - 0
Wallace Does Veronica a Favor - 1
Veronica Wants a Pony - 0
Logan Punches Someone - 0
Dick's Single Entendres - 0
Shenanigans Called - 2

Wednesday, July 18, 2018

Be Sure to Bring Mouthwash

Episode 2.15: The Quick and the Wed. Original Airdate 3.22.06

"Wallace's new girlfriend Jane enlists Veronica's help when her older sister Heidi appears to be a "runaway bride," but the clues suggest something possibly more disturbing happened on the way to the altar. Meanwhile, Keith and Veronica decide that they have no choice but to go to Sheriff Lamb with the evidence they've uncovered about the bus crash. Later, Kendall has a tempting offer for Aaron Echolls."

Daniel's Thoughts:

  • The episode starts off with Keith asking Veronica to clarify what she saw in the hangar, i.e, the explosives and detonators…and Zelda and I both paused because we were like…did we even write about this in our last blog? We remember seeing it but couldn’t remember which episode it was.  This is what happens when you watch four episodes in a row.  It turns out, it did happen randomly at the end of the last episode, just neither of us talked about it in the blog.
  • And Keith’s doing the right thing by going to Lamb, knowing that he’s gonna catch shit for it.
  • Tinseltown Diaries.  Aaron Echolls is still trying to pretend he’s innocent in Lilly’s death and it's gross.
  • Poor Logan.  He’s watching his family on TV.  I can’t imagine.
  • And hey, it’s Jane.  We get to know a little more about Wallace’s girlfriend.
  • Man, that diamond ring is huge.

  • The bachelorette party has a scavenger hunt: “If you get to #8, be sure to bring mouthwash” – I really want to know what #8 is.
  • So Terrence Cook is looking more guilty. Poor Jackie.  Except we'll see neither of them this entire episode. [Who are you talking about again? - Z]
  • One of the bachelorettes lost her cell phone – Veronica dismisses this but I feel like that’s going to come back.
  • Is that…a picture of a babadook in Jane’s sister’s apartment?
Babadook's cousin?

  • I completely forgot about this Beaver/Cordelia side story and I don’t really care…
  • Logan’s not going to take the deal, and he shouldn’t.
  • Keith still doubts Cook’s guilt.  And his hunch is working out.
  • Aaron doing a bad Hannibal impression…somehow makes Cordelia show her…assets.  Gross.  I just don’t care about any of this.
  • Hannah’s parents are so serious all the time.
  • Really?  Hannah thinks her mother is judgmental because her boyfriend put together bum fights?
  • And Logan feels bad because Hannah really is a good person that he’s totally using.
  • Hahahahaha. I love that the guy Veronica’s looking for turns out to be Vinnie.  And he’s in a bowling league, because of course he is.
  • And he just grabbed a fry off of someone else’s plate.  I wonder if Ken Marino adlibbed that action.
  • Mr. Pope is back! We like him.  I like the continuity of characters on this show, especially the teachers.
  • Why does Heidi have a fax?  Why does anyone have a fax?
  • Heidi: You’re 12. Veronica: I’m 18.  Me: You’re 25.
  • Kim the bachelorette lost her cell phone! I knew it! I knew that would come back.
  • I mean – if you hadn’t heard from your fiancée in three days, would you really show up to the wedding?  Did he even look for her?
  • Except now he’s being a total dick…and yeah, I don’t buy it.  Ah, I get it.  He set her up to not show up.  I guess.  I don’t know.  It’s all weird.   But why?  What’d she do?  Did he just change his mind?  They don’t seem very well-matched at all.  This all just seems very convoluted.
  • Also, Veronica’s not dressed for a wedding. Which wouldn't stand out as much if there were only 5 guests. Can we get back to the bus crash stuff?
  • Hannah’s dad seems to be coming around…altho…he’s so drab, I just forgot everything I just watched.
  • Oh good.  A Vinnie/Veronica scene.  I’m here for it.  And I like that she knows, despite the fact he’s a sleaze, that he’s still talented at what he does.  Those little character surprise moments is something that sets this show apart from other shows. No one is just one thing.
  • I’m surprised (but not surprised) that there was no Jackie in the episode where her father was shot and also set up for the bus crash murders.

Zelda's Thoughts:

  • Oh right, V found explosives in Terrence Cook's hangar ... a plot point which both Daniel and I forgot to talk about in our last post.
  • Like we just paused the DVD and went combing through our post and the episode transcript, bewildered that we didn't talk about it at all. I guess we just hate Kristin Cavallari that much.
  • Oh right the Tinseltown Diaries episode about Aaron Echolls. The VMars version of E! True Hollywood Story.
  • Ugh Aaron Echolls, you are the fucking worst.
  • "The Manns are like the oldest money in Neptune." "You mean like from the '80s?"
  • wuh oh, Jane's sister is missing
  • So I don't actually remember what the explanation is for why there were explosives in Terrrence Cook's hanger.
  • V's calling out Logan on dating Dr. Griffith's daughter, and she's not wrong but I do think at this point he cares. And then he deflects with "you're cute when you're jealous" and I kinda wanna punch him.
I think Veronica would also like to punch him. [Thirded -D]

  • Does Heidi have a ... an unstrung violin on her wall? Why? What did that violin ever do to her?

  • oh right, I forgot about Beaver's whole shady business with Kendall. 
  • Beaver: "What have I told you about thinking?" // Kendall: "That it makes my breasts smaller?" ugh both of them (she's funny on that line, I just don't like them)
  • Cliff to Logan, "With good behavior, if you could muster some, you'd be out [of prison] in half that." I do love him
  • "I've asked around, and I hope this isn't news to you, but no one likes you."
  • I do like that Logan decided to stick with Cliff for his lawyer, both because I love Cliff and because I think a lot of lawyers would fawn and do all sorts of shady shadiness, but we know Cliff is a good guy who won't take any of Logan's shit.
  • hmmmmm Cook's car mechanic can swear that the explosives weren't there before. 
  • Oh were they planted once TC got arrested? Is that what happened? Is that what spoiler did?
  • Ugh Kendall and Aaron flirting. Everything is gross. Everyone is a slime. "Quid pro quo, Mrs. C." and then he hisses like Hannibal Lecter CAN WE PLEASE END THE SCENE
  • ugh yeah I don't feel bad for Logan, because he's STILL using Hannah, pretending to send an email to Dr. Tom from Hannah's mom, claiming to have found condoms (though I appreciate that he's using the fact that he knows neither parent wants Hannah to see him as his weapon)
A toolbag I love to watch

  • aw shit, TCook got shot breaking into Ms. Dumas's parents' place, WHAT COULD IT MEEEEEEAN
  • Mr. Pope is giving us exposition that I know is tying in to the overarching stuff with both Woody and Beaver but eh
  • Gasp! Nick didn't send the fax that lured Heidi away
  • Wow that dude's family hired Vinnie to steal her friend's phone, send her a fake text, a fake fax, and sabotage the wedding. What a garbage family.
  • The way Heidi handles his self righteousness is kinda badass though.
  • Wow the hotel room still has a bunch of photos of Duncan and V. Why ...?
  • Aaaaaaand Kendall steals Duncan's hair so they can plant some DNA and fuck everything.

Favorite Lines:
Daniel: Vinnie: "You didn't get it from me." Veronica: "Exactly how many times have you had to say that in your life?"
Zelda: "I've asked around, and I hope this isn't news to you, but no one likes you." - Cliff

Neptune Roll Call: Wallace, Logan, Dick, Beaver (Absent: Duncan, Weevil, Jackie)
Recurring: Sheriff Don Lamb, Aaron Echolls, Hannah Griffith, Veronica's Other Job, Jane Kuhne, Kendall Casablancas, Cliff McCormack, Arturo, Vinnie Van Lowe, Mr. Pope, Dr. Tom Griffith 


Dead Humans - 0
Backup Sighting - 0
Veronica Breaks In - 0
Veronica Tases Someone - 0
Mac Hacks - 0
Who's Your Daddy? - 0
Wallace Does Veronica a Favor - 0
Veronica Wants a Pony - 0
Logan Punches Someone - 0
Dick's Single Entendres - 1 ("Probably all those tossed salads, huh?")
Shenanigans Called - 0

Tuesday, July 10, 2018

Rich Dude Kryptonite

Episode 2.14: Versatile Toppings. Original Airdate 3.15.06

" Neptune High's closeted gay teens turn to Veronica for help when a blackmailer cracks into a private Internet bulletin board and threatens to publicly out everyone associated with the site unless they pay $5,000 apiece. Meanwhile, Keith continues to work on a case for Terrance Cook while looking into bus crash leads. Also, Logan romantically pursues Hannah, much to her father's distress."

Zelda's Thoughts:

  • oh great, ECSTATIC to see that we're continuing to use trans women as a punch line in this episode
  • Terrence Cook making an OJ reference, with saying Lamb's waiting for him to make a run for it in his Bronco
  • Let's double down with some homophobia, though at least this time it's in the mouth of resident monster, Madison Sinclair
  • In this world SHIP stands for Students' Homosexual Internet ... Posting? 'kay

  • "Why can't the evil just get jobs like the rest of us?"
  • welp and Logan's giving Hannah the completely indifferent shoulder when he sees her in public, even if he's all lovey dovey in private. Because it's better if no one knows he's connected, knowing who her father is. It's kind of amazing she doesn't know about any of this
  • wow stuntcast Kristin Cavallari is ... dreadful "Sorry to blow your mind, but I'm a lesbian, Veronica." I've seen community theater acting better than that
  • V: "She's not what you'd call huggable."// Keith: "Whereas you warm right up to people?" Fair point. Also V and Jackie were adorable last episode. The writers clearly took Jackie's five ep hiatus to figure out how to make her an actual character
  • So in Dick's list of ways V is Rich Dude Kryptonite (Logan's accused of murder, Duncan flees with baby Lilly (not to mention his dead sister), and the boys she sent to jail when she was on a jury), he completely left off that one time when she caused his dad to flee the country
  • ugh, Logan even has a plausible excuse for why he pretends not to know Hannah in public - Lilly was murdered, V was almost shot when he was making out with her in his car; so he can claim it's because he wants to protect her. we know the truth
  • But Dr. Tom waits to confront Logan til Hannah's out of earshot.
  • Wheeee Keith found Terrence's alibi: no cell signal in the casino
  • And bless her, Mac doesn't want to hack the SHIP website for Veronica because she helped them build it in the first place, and doesn't want their privacy violated. "Damn you and your valid questions!"
  • Aw see, V, you can be friends with Jackie once she's written with more than one dimension
  • One of the kids on the SHIP site was one of the bus victims. Le sad.
  • Logan, still lying to Hannah, admitting he knew who her dad was, but claiming he didn't when he first met her. Logan the Liar.
  • I wonder if I would have given a tiny shit about cheerleader Kylie if Cavallari could act for even half a second. She can't even read her lines with anything approaching understanding.

Daniel's Thoughts:

  • Ok, here’s the gay episode.
  • Corny is a pizza boy….and boom, zapped….which of course is Veronica’s trademark.
  • Yay, the gay jokes have started.  Teen boys calling each other gay because that’s The Worst Thing.
  • And here’s Logan using Hannah to get back at her dad. 
  • Also Hannah’s wearing a knit hat and scarf in southern California because…winter?  It must be a really cool low 70s today. 
Where's her Parka?

  • Bradford Anderson is back.
  • And gay blackmail. Ugh, this hurts.
  • And poor Hannah.  Logan just ignores her in front of Dick.  And it’s really cruel and gross.
  • “Sorry to blow your mind, Veronica.  But I’m a lesbian.”  - lesbian cheerleader.  And I don’t believe her – not because she’s a cheerleader…– but because she’s a terrible actress.
  • And Dick, of course, makes lesbians about him.  Because that’s what straight guys do – lesbians are cool because that’s hot, but gay men are gross.  Ugh, I can’t.  I mean why am I even typing this? You guys know this.  Yeah, we’ve come a long way – but it’s still happening every fucking day.  All of this.
  • I mean obviously, Kelly the baseball player is one of the people being blackmailed…which of course he was one of the ones making fun of Dick earlier.  Because that toxic masculinity works more on us because it’s psychologically thrown onto us. Because sometimes it’s better to hide.
  • Logan’s excuse for ignoring Hannah in school is pretty lame and at this point, I’m kinda blaming Hannah a bit.
  • Veronica’s at the pizza shop waiting for the next fake call.  She’s got a notebook and I want her do be doing homework so badly, but I don’t think she is.
  • Yay! Back-up!
  • We should have had a stat for how many people get taped up to a pole.
  • “Damn you and your valid questions.”  I like that Mac doesn’t automatically do what Veronica wants without asking the ethical questions.
  • Logan pulls Hannah into a classroom – and at first I thought it was Veronica.  This was not a casting mistake.
  • “You’re gay, aren’t you?” – The music and camera cut away like it’s some damn after-school special.
  • The blackmail letter is signed Rick Santorum which is kind of amazing.
  • I hate this shit stunt casting.  The gay cheerleader is so amazingly bad.   I don’t care at all about her.
  • Is Logan really that important that every single extra needs to notice when he holds hands with a new girlfriend?


: So, are you ready to be the bait, Corny?
Corny: Hell yeah. No one better. I'm what you'd call a Master Bait!
Daniel: Corny's Single Entendre?
Zelda: I don't think he even knew he was doing it!

Favorite Lines:

Zelda: "Damn you and your valid questions!" - Veronica
Veronica: "She's not what you'd call huggable." Keith: "Whereas you warm right up to people?"


Neptune Roll Call: Logan, Dick, Jackie (Absent: Wallace, Duncan, Weevil, Beaver)
First Appearance: Leonard Lobo, Arturo
Recurring: Corny, Kelly Kuzzio, Hannah Griffith, Terrence Cook. Madison Sinclair, Ryan, Veronica's "Office," Carmen Ruiz, Dr. Tom Griffith, Deputy Jerry Sacks, Cindy "Mac" Mackenzie, Coach Preppernau, Sheriff Don Lamb
Generally Known TV Face: Kristin Cavallari (or so the internet tells us)
Buffy Alum: Gil Birmingham (Peru Man from Inca Mummy Girl - he's also in the Twilight movies but we forgive him)

Dead Humans - 0
Backup Sighting - 1
Veronica Breaks In - 0
Veronica Tases Someone - 0
Mac Hacks - 1
Who's Your Daddy? - 0
Wallace Does Veronica a Favor - 0
Veronica Wants a Pony - 0
Logan Punches Someone - 0
Dick's Single Entendres - 2: V: Dick, you totally nailed me [hit her car] // D: Oh man, so you're the fingernails chick from my New Year's party; "Remind me, which one of you pitches and which one catches?"
Shenanigans Called -  0

Tuesday, July 3, 2018

Standing While Black


Episode 2.13: Ain't No Magic Mountain High Enough. Original Airdate 2.08.06

"Someone steals the cash box with $12,000 at the school carnival. As accusations fly, Veronica, rather surprisingly, finds herself defending Jackie. Meanwhile, Beaver stands up to Dick, and Logan meets a bright girl named Hannah."

Daniel's Thoughts:

  • The Winter Carnival is coming up.
  • Miss Hauser is back.
  • As much as I hate Madison, her potrayer is really funny.
  • And everyone’s being an asshole to Jackie because of what her dad may or may not have done. We've seen this before with the bus driver's daughter.  
  • “What’s your poison?” “Emotionally unavailable women”
  • Aww, Beav and Mac.  YES, I WILL CHOOSE TO AWW FOR NOW.
  • Streakers.  You can so see they’re wearing something.
  • The mystery of the week is kind of a lame one, but I kinda don’t mind it.  It’s a fun who-done-it.
  • And now it’s time for, ‘Logan finds a new temporary girlfriend’
  • I almost forgot about Hannah. 
  • Ophelia, Weevil’s niece, likes powerpuff girls. Me: I LIKE POWERPUFF GIRLS.
  • That’s really awful: Voting, especially with money, to choose who gets dunked in a dunk tank? It’s like an unpopularity punishment.
  • Poor Jackie, she just keeps getting dunked.  But here’s Wallace, with new girlfriend…. purposefully missing.  I think his new girlfriend approves, which is kinda cool.

  • I like Mac’s pink extensions.
  • Ugh, Dick is awful.
  • Logan is so smarmy but charming and it works.
  • Dick is so happy to see himself on TV.
  • “What were you doing at the copy machine?"  “Making coffee?”  This exchange reminds me of the episode of Buffy where Buffy is on her bed reading and Dawn asks her what she's doing and she says, "Playing soccer."
  • Tada!
  • I really love how Clemmons and Veronica’s relationship has grown since he was smart enough to realize how much he could use her to his advantage.  Plus, there’s an admiration there, you can see.
  • Ahh, poor Hannah.  This was a setup.
  • And this episode is from 15 years ago.  Which isn’t that long ago.  But transphobia is still living large.  I think, someone like Mac, wouldn’t use a trans woman for revenge like she’s just this object who isn’t human with human feelings.  But this is also the same show who used the only openly gay kid at Neptune High for the same reason.  Because being accidently gay, or being accused of being gay is worse than anything. And do I throw out my entire like of a series because of these reasons?  Of course not.  I just have to believe that someone like Rob Thomas would grow with the times; that he wouldn’t do something like that today.  I’d like to say something like iZombie proves it, but….there are absolutely no gay characters on that show.  Having no representation can almost be worse. [Seconding all of this. - Z]
  • Veronica denies it but she totally did it for Weevil.  They’re friendssssss.

Zelda's Thoughts:

  • Rando: "Help her? She's my nemesis." V: "His nemesis? (to Madison) Did we break up?" AMAZING
  • Oh he thinks V is his nemesis because of the Kane Scholarship, right that's a thing
  • Oh right, now that Terrence Cook got arrested, Jackie's a pariah.
  • See, they give Tessa Thompson something to play that's not just bitchy-for-no-reason and she's instantly better
  • "Slushies! Get your ice cold frozen ... sugar water."
  • It's weird seeing Weevil with hair on his head (see gif above in Daniel's thoughts). Is that how they signal his fall from PCH-grace? But he's freaking adorable with his niece Ophelia.
  • ugh Mac and Beaver SAVE YOURSELF FROM HIM MAC
  • Wallace and Jane are cuties though.
  • "We all saw her lurking around." // "Lurking? You mean standing while black?" The more things stay the same, the more things don't change

  • But V's fight against injustice has been triggered, and she's on the case.
  • Meanwhile, Logan's meetcute with Hannah really is cute. It's just too bad that it's actually about getting to her dad (spoilers)
  • And Weevil won't let V get off easy with searching the backpack of tiny cute Ophelia.
  • Oh nm V's gonna assume Jackie's guilty and then feel instantly ashamed first.
  • And we can't even be surprirsed that Jackie's being unfairly targeted because of something her father may or may not have done - we saw what happened to Veronica when her Sheriff Dad had the gall to go after the Kanes for Lilly's death.
  • But Wallace reminds us why he's a lovely human, and deliberately throws as badly as possible, to give Jackie a break from the dunk tank
  • Mac and her cute pink hair, asks "are we winning" she may be adorable but uggggghhhh knowing the future
  • also fuck you Dick. you're so gross
  • also I just remembered what they do for revenge on Dick and I hate it. trans people are not punchlines, nor is being attracted to them
  • I actually can't remember who the actual culprit is, except that it's not Jackie. I remember V's showmanship because of the gifs on the internet, but I don't remember how this shakes out. This is exciting.
  • THAT'S RIGHT. Veronica lies about there being the name Nancy on the $50 bill she took.
  • "I don't care what your zip code is, trash is trash," in case we were in doubt whether Ms. Hauser is as awful and casually racist as Madison Sinclair.
  • So now we've found the framed cash, with the bill with Nancy written on it.
  • Okay so we framed Thumper for it, okay. That's cool, Thumper is the worst.
  • HAHAHA BEST RETCON, V had already made a backup copy of the keys Clemmons confiscated from her.
  • "I'm about to watch Ms. Hauser squirm in her own personal hell, if you're not doing anything ..."
  • "We marked your words before, and I don't know if you know this, but they formed this, like, totally false accusation"
  • I love V making banter and Jackie as her sideman:

  • aww Throwback Thursday to the photos V took of the Triton initiation last year
  • "I don't have a homepage." // "You will." Yeah bc V is friends with Mac.
  • "I stole the test." TA DAAAAAA
  • And for her encore, she finds the rest of the cash in the ceiling.
  • I retroactively feel so bad for Deputy Sacks for having to go on a date with her.
  • Ew Madison tells Dick she's moved on to older men and I just remembered she hooks up with Lamb and then I threw up.
  • The look Logan gives Dr. Griffith. Like. That's amazing and I hate him and love him.

  • Fuck you and your transphobia, writers. For putting that transphobia into so many characters, after you dealt so much better with trans women in season one.
  • It's kind of wild how the Fitzpatricks, for all intents and purposes, didn't exist last season, but now they're wrapped into every subplot this season, including Terrence Cook's gambling debts and Logan's being framed for murder.
  • Oh right, the framing of Thumper was because Weevil did steal the money after all; he just didn't steal the full amount because Ms. Hauser was already skimming off the top. And he even hid the money in exactly the same places V suspected.
  • But V wants to go to Magic Mountain, too, so she's letting him off the hook. Him and his new car.

Favorite Lines:

Daniel: “What were you doing at the copy machine? “Making coffee?” - Clemmons & Veronica
Zelda: "We marked your words before, and I don't know if you know this, but they formed this, like, totally false accusation." - Veronica


Neptune Roll Call: Wallace, Logan, Weevil, Dick, Beaver, Jackie (Absent: Duncan)
First Appearance: Hannah Griffith
Recurring: Madison Sinclair, Deborah Hauser, Corny, Cora Briggs, Terrence Cook, Thumper, Cindy "Mac" Mackenzie, Principal Van Clemmons, Jane Kuhne, Dr. Tom Griffith
Generally Known TV Face: Jessy Schram
Logan's Nicknames: Princess (Hannah)


Dead Humans - 0
Backup Sighting - 0
Veronica Breaks In - 1
Veronica Tases Someone - 0
Mac Hacks - 0
Who's Your Daddy? - 0
Wallace Does Veronica a Favor - 0
Veronica Wants a Pony - 0
Logan Punches Someone - 0
Dick's Single Entendres - 1 "See how it just slipped right out?"
Logan's Single Entendre - 1 "Shooting in a clown's mouth"
Shenanigans Called - 0