PLEASE NOTE: THIS IS A SPOILER-RICH ZONE. If your diet requires you to dine on television spoiler-free ... good luck with that.


Tuesday, June 18, 2019

Pizneyland is the Happiest Place on Earth

Episode 3.18: I Know What You’ll Do Next Summer. Original Airdate 5.15.07

“Veronica passes her exam to be an official Private Investigator, while Piz lands an interview with Apollo Bukenya, an African student at Hearst who wrote a book about his years as an orphan child-soldier in Uganda’s rebel army. Veronica is hired by an African man, Kizza, to help prove that he is Apollo’s father, but her investigation leads to information that might expose Apollo’s story as a fake. Meanwhile, as the election for Sheriff nears, Keith is faced with a crime spree in Neptune. Parker comes to Veronica for advice about Logan after learning he planned to spend the summer surfing with Dick.”

Zelda's Thoughts:

  • Ah yes V and Piz are being cute and multitasking reading with elbowing each other while cuddled on V’s bed.
  • Also Keith is being the cutest proud dad by pop quizzing V in advance of her taking the P.I. exam
  • Keith is briefing his deputies on the crime wave, but where’s our man Leo? I thought he was returning to the fold!
  • I don’t like this whole testing Veronica thing (not the P.I. exam, Piz telling V about his NY internship, clearly hoping she’ll be upset he’d be far away during the summer.) Veronica is instead nothing but happy for him (good on you, V), but as she hugs him, you can see he’s disappointed. IF YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW SHE FEELS, USE YOUR WORDS, MAN
  • Aw dang, Veronica’s so proud of her 95 score, but Keith has his old 97 score waiting to keep her head from swelling too big.
  • And GASP! Someone calls the Mars Office (V’s first case as an actual PI!), saying he’s Apollo’s father
  • I don't really love Wallace's instruction to Veronica not to break Piz's heart. It hardly seems fair to paint her as the heartbreaker. Duncan left her ... twice. I feel like she and Logan are probably on balance with breaking up with each other. Yes, the risk here is Piz is more emotionally in this than Veronica is, but it's not like she has a pattern of leaving broken men in her wake.
  • Cliff is here! But Cliff is here to thwart Keith’s investigation. “I was so fond of you when I was a private detective.” / ”Then I hope you’ll understand why you shouldn't expect my vote in the upcoming election?”
  • Ah, our friendly reminder that Parker’s parents kinda suck. Do Veronica and Wallace have the only good parents in Neptune? (naw, Mac’s bio mom seemed okay ... as did her not-bio-mom)
  • Heh, they have a fakeout of “Mac isn’t around” AGAIN but then they cut to MAC HI MAC, nesting with Max and eating pizza and now I want pizza.
  • Except ulp Max is anticipating his expulsion and that’s fairly … unlike Mac
  • Piz has another internship offer! “People are just falling all over themselves to not pay you!”
  • And Piz is testing Veronica again: this other internship offer is local.
  • And Veronica is being supportive of his career goals, not realizing what Piz is actually asking.
  • Ugh the fucking Fitzpatricks. I was so relieved they weren’t in the movie.
  • I love that V is writing with another ridiculous pen. Feels like a fun prop nod to S1 Veronica.
  • …and also a moment for Kizza to not take Veronica seriously

  • Wuh oh Apollo is missing
  • Ugh it’s so disappointing. The plight of the child soldiers is really serious. I hate this narrative that the fact that memoir is a fabrication is cheapening it. It’s a similar line to the fake rape claims.
  • Oh I see, this is the episode of dickwads I never wanted to see again, with the return of Dick’s father Dick Sr.
  • Aw shit, Vinnie is colluding with the Fitzpatricks on the robberies? I know he’s a slime, but this seems a bit far. Also didn’t he just help bust something they did? I’m a bit lost.
  • Shit, Kizza isn’t showing for the DNA test.
  • Oh but SNAP, Apollo staged the phone call about the picture deal falling through, fed disinformation to Veronica through the other people she interviewed, to dissuade any fortune hunters coming after him.
  • And we found Kizza!
  • You know, I’d actually forgotten that this is how the story shook out, that Apollo wasn’t a fraud after all. I’m really relieved. And it's nice that Kizza is also a good guy.
  • And damn, this plot has inspired Wallace to go work for Invisible Children in Africa.
  • We really are working on where we’re shipping everyone off for the summer as we head into our finale.
  • And see, Dick’s righteous anger against his father, this is the one true angst of his I believe, his ache over Cassidy’s death, his bitterness over abandonment by Dick Sr. "You ever think he's dead because of us, or that he killed those people because of us? We used to have contests to see which one of us could make him cry! I can barely live with myself sometimes, and it's so much easier when you're not around!" The Madison stuff I didn’t buy, but this I do.
  • And Veronica’s interning with the FBI … OR IS SHE

Daniel's Thoughts:

  • Piz & Veronica looking mighty cozy.
  • So apparently Veronica is taking the PI exam.  I think this is the first we’re hearing about this. 
  • Keith encouragingly tests her and it’s really cute despite what we’ve seen in the past (and what we’ll see in the future) about how he feels about her following in his footsteps.  Maybe he thinks it’ll help with whatever career she’ll eventually have. FBI? Law? 
  • Meanwhile, Piz has a new interview with a former child soldier.  Keith is impressed.  Piz is worried that Keith is impressed with him.  Kiss of death, he calls it.
  • And there’s a crime spree in Neptune.  I DON’T SEE DEPUTY LEO AT THIS MEETING.
  • Apollo is played by a young Nelsan Ellis, who is best known (by me) for playing LaFayette in True Blood. Unfortunately, he died way too young.

  • So Veronica passed the exam.  And she thinks she beat daddy Mars by two points but in fact, Keith got the better score…by two points.
  • Mystery of the week?  Someone is claiming Apollo is his son.
  • Wallace, re: Piz: "He’s a good guy, Veronica.  Don’t break his heart."  Damn.
  • Oh no.  The Fitzpatricks are back.  Neptune’s favorite crime family.  (But not mine…)
  • So Parker is here.  And her parents. They’re controlling assholes and Logan is perturbed.
  • Meanwhile Veronica is getting closer to Apollo.  Her aim is her case, but she’s getting drawn in by Apollo’s story.
  • And then there’s trouble in paradise.  Parker and Logan’s first fight.  Or disagreement, I guess?
  • And Parker’s seriously going to Veronica for advice about Logan?  It’s really weird. I’d never go to someone's ex for advice. I don’t think Parker’s being purposefully malevolent and Veronica actually seems to be taking it in stride.
  • Max & Mac’s new love has resulted in sex, nap, eat, repeat.  I hope Parker found a place to stay for the weekend.
  • So we are presented with two kinds of boyfriends.  Logan, who makes plans for the summer without his girlfriend and forgets to inform said girlfriend.  And then there’s Piz who discusses his opportunities with his girlfriend so they can decide together.  Guess which one Veronica seems to prefer?  GUESS.
  • Veronica is making a huge mistake with this case.  We all see it but her.
  • Aww, we’re still talking about Kendall Casablancas.
  • Apollo’s a little detective too.  He’s figured out that Veronica is not a reporter for the Free Press.
  • “Love makes me lazy. It’s a dangerous drug.  Kills more brains cells than Crystal Meth.”
  • “You’re just a girl.”  Again with this.  I mean, the attitudes are accurate so why not?
  • Is Logan growing?  Earlier, Veronica made an off-the-cuff statement to Logan that he’s ‘just like that’.  Logan actually took that to heart and seems to want to change.  He asks Parker to come with him to South America for the summer.  I hope she’s got a passport.
  • Turns out Apollo’s book is a fake.  It’s not about his life.  Ripped from the headlines, I guess, as this is shortly after the book: A Million Little Pieces was defrauded. James Frey, the author of that book was interviewed by Oprah.
  • (Earlier, Veronica stated that Apollo would be interviewed by Oprah.)
  • Wallace gives Veronica good advice.  He tells her to let it go.  The book might be a hoax, but it’s helping a good cause.
  • Oh my, it’s Dick’s dad out of nowhere.  He turned himself in, I guess.  He’s only getting a year in jail for what he did. Because of course.
  • Of course, he’s only here as a plot contrivance.  It’s so Dick won’t go on the summer shenanigans which will potentially mess things up between Parker & Logan.
  • Oh wow!  Apollo set this all up! I love it.   He got Zeke to lie to Veronica to make sure Kizza knew that there would be no money to benefit and see if Kizza would show up regardless. He definitely fooled me.
  • Disappointingly Kizza doesn’t show up and we all assume that he was only after the money.  But we get a nice happy ending this time.  Kizza really is Apollo’s father and he proves it.
  • Max and Mac come to an understanding.  For now.   I’m glad there was no ultimatum or anything.  They’re gonna wait and see.
  • So what are we doing this summer? Veronica’s got an internship with the FBI, Wallace is going to Uganda, Parker’s going to Denver?, Dick is spending time with his dad, Logan is (?), and Piz, I’m sure will get a radio internship somewhere.  What about Mac? 

Favorite Lines:
Zelda: “People are just falling all over themselves to not pay you!” - Veronica
Daniel: "Love makes me lazy. It's a dangerous drug.  Kills more brain cells than Crystal Meth" - Mac

Neptune Roll Call: Logan, Wallace, Dick, Parker, Piz, Mac (Absent: Lamb, Weevil)
Recurring:  Cliff McCormack, Vinnie Van Lowe, Liam Fitzpatrick, Max, Wilson Behan, Richard Casablancas, Deputy Jerry Sacks, Mrs. Lee
Future Famous Person: Nelsan Ellis

Dead Humans - 0
Backup Sighting - 0
Veronica Breaks In - 0
Veronica Tases Someone - 0
Mac Hacks - 0
Who's Your Daddy? - 0 
Wallace Does Veronica a Favor - 0
Veronica Wants a Pony - 0
Logan Punches Someone - 0
Dick's Single Entendres - 0
Shenanigans Called - 0

Tuesday, June 4, 2019

Feisty Young Barbara Eden

Episode 3.17: Debasement Tapes. Original Airdate 5.08.07

“Washed-up rock star Desmond Fellows arrives at Hearst to play a charity concert for the campus radio station to find that his backing tapes have disappeared. With his job and the survival of the radio station at stake, Piz calls Veronica despite their recent post-kiss awkwardness. Piz and Veronica are tasked with tracking down the tapes and babysitting a drunk, irresponsible, and depressed Desmond Fellows. Meanwhile, a new and surprising contender emerges to challenge Keith in the race for Sheriff.”

Daniel's Thoughts:

  • So we find out that after the Viz (is that what we’re calling them?) kiss, Veronica left.  She’s trying to chat with Wallace about it but Wallace is way too masculine to talk about feelings.  They’re watching a Joan Crawford movie, so Veronica feels this enough for Wallace to…what? Be more gay? I mean Joan Crawford is obviously code.  Might as well use the phrase ‘friend of Dorothy’.  Oh wait, I forgot.  Wallace already did that. And apparently Fresca is girly or gay too?  Sometimes I forget how problematic this show really is.  To be honest, I’m looking forward to getting to the end.
  • Keith saves the day by coming home and giving good news.  He’s running unopposed...for now.
  • Piz seems to be interviewing for a job by participating in fake game show?
  • So he gets to interview some guy in a fake band. He asks Veronica to go to the to the concert and she just becomes Awkward Girl.  Does that count as one of her aliases?
  • I totally forgot Paul Rudd was on this show.  He’s the guy in the fake band.
  • Oh man.  And a naked fan surprises him…but I guess she’s too old for Paul Rudd.
  • And here’s the mystery of the week. Paul Rudd’s backing tapes have been stolen from his duffel bag.
  • Mac!  Mac & Wallace!  It’s amazing.
  • Ohh, Paul Rudd is a…’special guest star’.
  • Logan sees Veronica and she gets all awkward again.  This is a running theme.  And he asks her about the time she stayed in Piz’s room.  And then the elevator doors open and Piz is there.  More awkwardness.
  • Paul Rudd calls Veronica a “Feisty Young Barbara Eden”.  I can totally see it.

  • Omg, AOL.  This show is dating itself.  Then again, I still have a Hotmail account, so.
  • Lol, this is the beginning of people-doing-stupid-things-to-get-views-on-the-internet era.  It’s unfortunately a fad that will last.
  • SEMITES FOR THE SAVIOR? WHAT! HAHA.  I guess they were worried Jews for Jesus would sue?
  • DEPUTY LEO! OMG HE’S BACK! YAY!  He’s still fired.  Still doing security.   He’s here with a case for Sheriff Mars.

  • Veronica was wrong – she kept insisting Grace, the naked fan/Chinese language teacher, stole the backing tapes.  She did not.
  • This ‘poor little rock star’ b-story is boring me.
  • So no one stole the tapes.  It was just an airport luggage mix-up.  This is why you always check your luggage before you leave the airport!
  • Piz & Veronica listening to Paul Rudd’s new stuff – and they kinda love it and I’m kinda like what?
  • I’ll give Piz credit.  He doesn’t hound Veronica for an answer or a follow up.  He called once, the day after and then left her alone.  He called her for a case, with no ulterior motive.  And, slowly, they get together.  He’s a nice guy, but like an actual nice guy.
  • It’s kinda gross that Logan thinks Veronica was unfaithful during their relationship.  So much so that he not only asked Veronica, but he didn’t trust that and followed up by asking Mac.
  • Aww poor Eco-Boy.  Mac wants to be with a fellow nerd.
  • I think we’re supposed to feel sorry for Logan here & blame his professor for being…what, old fashioned?  Prude-ish?  It’d be one thing if it was men and women but it’s not. It’s completely and totally sexist.  Mac should be ashamed for being a part of it.
  • Aww, Deputy LEO is a deputy again!
  • And….Vinnie Van Lowe is running for Sheriff now, so that’s a thing.

Zelda’s Thoughts:

  • Oh right, this is the Paul Rudd episode
  • Welp, V may have made out with Piz, but now she’s playing pretty aloof with him.
  • Oh look, the plot showed up! Paul Rudd’s backing tapes—aka his ability to perform because his partner is dead—have been stolen.
  • V calls Mac out (Mac is here again!) for possibly having a thing for Max while still being with Bronson. Mac pot-kettles her for how she keeps hot-and-colding Piz.

  • And V tries to clear the air, and Piz had already figure out her “subtle” signals because he’s not an idiot.
  • Wow Paul Rudd called Piz “Pus.” The fuck
  • And he’s also calling V “Monica,” so he’s just all levels of dipshit
  • “Anyone ever tell you you look like a feisty young Barbara Eden”
  • I’m not sure what’s got Logan concerned, watching the video of Dick running a car over his own foot (how is that new)
  • Ohhh it’s for his final project. He needs to build a site that will rake in the hits.
  • And now he’s calling Piz “Plax”
  • I mean, to be fair, it’s not like Piz is a name you run into every day, but now he’s just making up syllables?
  • Omg it’s Leo! Daniel, it’s Leo! And his hair looks really good.
  • Dammit, he’s here to bring back in Danny Boyd and the Fitzpatricks. I thought/hoped we were done with that whole thing.
  • TAWIST. The woman who crashed Desmond’s hotel room in her underwear is also the random teacher in the background when they’re trying to get the Chinese character translated.

  • “I hope we’re still friends after I taser you.” Aw man, iconic line! Even if we don’t get to stat it cuz she’d never tase Wallace.
  • And now he calls Piz "Buzz. Bizen." (at least that's what the transcript says. I heard “Puz. Spizen.”)
  • “The key to good skinnydipping is what I called total nakedness.”
  • Paul Rudd has a really weird career, guys.
  • “See, the point of the internet is to make money off stupid people.” Daniel, we’ve been doing the internet wrong. [Should we be charging? - D]
  • Gasp Vinnie is part of … whatever weird thing with the Fitzpatricks Leo brought Keith into and I really haven’t been paying attention.

  • And right now V is on the hot end of the hot-cold spectrum with Piz, I guess.
  • But GASP Desmond not only knows Piz’s name now, he calls him Piznarski. I guess that’s what the kids call an Arc.
  • Also GASP Leo’s gonna work for the Sheriffs office again?
  • Wait, is that true? Does he stick around? HOW DO I REMEMBER NONE OF THIS
  • Now this I do remember. Shitty Shady Vinnie Van Lowe is running against Keith in the special election for Sheriff
  • Ken Marino is lucky we like him so much because fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck you Vinnie

Favorite Lines:

Daniel: “Coming up! A household object that could be dangerous to your pets.  And your children!” – News Reporter
Zelda: "I hope we're still friends after I taser you." - Veronica


Neptune Roll Call: Logan, Wallace, Dick, Piz, Mac (Absent: Parker, Lamb, Weevil)
Recurring: Vinnie Van Lowe, Leo D’Amato, Max, Bronson Pope, Trish, Danny Boyd, Deputy Jerry Sacks, Jeff Ratner, Professor Corrigan
Already Famous Person: Paul Rudd
Desmond's Nicknames: Pus, Plax, Pez, Buzz, Bizen, La Paz (all Piz), Monica (Veronica)


Dead Humans - 0
Backup Sighting - 0
Veronica Breaks In - 0
Veronica Tases Someone - 0
Mac Hacks - 0
Who's Your Daddy? - 0
Wallace Does Veronica a Favor - 0
Veronica Wants a Pony - 0
Logan Punches Someone - 0
Dick's Single Entendres - 0
Shenanigans Called - 0
VERONICA WAS WRONG - 1 (Grace didn't steal the backing tapes)