PLEASE NOTE: THIS IS A SPOILER-RICH ZONE. If your diet requires you to dine on television spoiler-free ... good luck with that.


Tuesday, July 30, 2019

Hu Done It?

Episode 4.1: Spring Break Forever. Original Airdate: 7.19.19

"Panic spreads through Neptune when a bomb goes off during spring break. Veronica and Keith are hired by the wealthy family of one victim injured in the bombings to find out who is responsible." 

Note: We apologize for the late start.  We thought we planned this perfectly, but Hulu pulled a fast one!  
Note #2: Something about spoilers and lack thereof. 

Zelda's Thoughts:

  • HERE. WE. GO.
  • “Then after a decade away, I decided Neptune needed me. And I needed it. I was wrong on both counts. Neptune didn’t need another private investigator. It needed an enema.” Uh oh.
  • Listen, so long as she doesn’t try to run for Sheriff, I'm sure we'll all be fine, right? Right?
  • The Maloof Case? That’s a … what’s that?
  • So far, I like that the season is clearly setting itself up to be a long arc, like season one was. TV’s changed a lot since VM first aired, and serialized stories (thanks to bingeing) are much more common than before.
  • Holy heck, a crane shot. They got moneyyyyyyyys.
  • Aw these writers are such dolls. Veronica isn’t getting buzzed through to visit her client, so they give us our first stat of the season: Veronica breaks in.
  • Also she’s already cuddling up the guard dog.
  • Ooooh Veronica smash.
  • Veronica’s first client Karsyn seems a bad enough actor that I’m wondering if she’s a stunt cast. (Nope, Internet tells me she's real. I guess I just don't like her delivery?)
  • “You’re saying there’s nothing I can do?” // “I didn’t say that. I never say that.”
  • Oh hey new cover of the theme song!
  • Omg they finally got around our Roll Call/Absent tracker! There are only three regular cast members: Veronica, Keith, and Logan. All right then. Guess we can delete that tracker ...
  • Wow naked dude butt.
  • V’s face when her client complains that her ex only wanted to pay her 90k a month in alimony. My face too, booboo. So she ups her fee from 300 a day to 300 an hour.
  • Keith’s got a cane. I guess he hasn't bounced back from the car accident fully yet.
  • “Holy cuss.” Keith and V have a bet to see who can go the longest without saying fuck, and I’m cackling at this workaround since it’s no longer a high school show, but also they don’t want to leap headfirst into Rated R territory, I assume. Then again, see above re: naked dude butt.
  • Uh oh. Keith is having brain freeze with his client. And the time he takes to recover from that moment … I am worried. DON’T TAKE AWAY PAPA MARS.
  • “Who else is gonna keep paying for those safaris where you and your big-shot friends hunt the most dangerous game of all: the homeless.” – Veronica
  • “How I made that is between me and my maker.” // “I’m your maker!”
  • “What’s a tape deck.” Pshhhhhh V you’re around my age. I had a tape deck.
  • Also Logan is a series regular but he’s not in this episode? I’m cackling.
  • Neptune United for a Tiny Town. Wow wow wow.
  • HI PONY.
  • Daniel and I weren’t able to watch this episode together but I’m assuming he was very excited about our new doggo.
  • Oh nm, Logan’s surprise home after all.
  • V in her leather jacket and black and white striped shirt is not blending with the brightly-if-scantily-clad spring break partiers.
  • Snort. V and Logan flirting/propositioning in front of two unsuspecting random chicks who were checking him out.
I accept the eye candy.

  • Aw, they gave us an old fashioned spin while the two make out.
  • Wow no cursing but so much sexing.
  • Wait what. Logan casually proposes and V brushes it off. OH BUT THERE IS A RING.
  • Oh damn but he’s ready to propose for real and she stops him. She’s using their parents' divorces, the broken couples she works for, as excuses, and she leaves.
  • Okay, we found our relationship angst of the season.
  • Okay so he wants to Make Neptune Great Again
  • “Logan’s back.” “Logan’s back?” “And he asked me to marry him.” “What an asshole.”
  • Yayyyyyy it’s that awesome chick from The Good Place! Her shirt says Get Your Duck Wet and I love her a super high amount already.
  • Hmmm unseen girl pouring shots into open mouths. I’m assuming the fact that we didn’t see her face means she’ll end up being a person of interest.
  • Oh look, a girl is passed out and a guy is taking advantage.
  • But Nicole (aka Kirby Howell-Baptiste from The Good Place) is OFFICIALLY OUR NEW BEST FRIEND because unlike everyone who saw and ignored what happened to Veronica at Shelly Pomeroy’s party, Nicole won’t let it happen, and puts the harrassers on the 86 list (while also socking them because hero).
  • Aw Keith and his massive box of organized meds and his PT. And his barely-paying-attention physical therapist. Wow what a dick.

  • “Are you cussing with me?” // “Don’t you cussing point at me.” I love me my Marses. But is Keith gonna tell Veronica the truth? Nope. NOW I AM MAD AT HALF OF MY MARSES. (though it's clear V knows he's keeping something back from her)
  • V calls out Keith for taking jobs that can’t sustain the business, Keith points out that V has a law degree she’s not using. And we avoid.
  • Wow random law student spring breaker trying to steal someone’s pizza, but PATTON OSWALT THE PIZZA MAN WILL NOT FALL FOR IT. And he’s working for Cho’s Pizza, which is a nice callback.
  • Gosh the 6 in 26 is broken and reads as 29. I wonder if that will be significant.
  • It's also weird/frustrating knowing that most VM fans have already binged the season and are therefore reading our blog with more knowledge than us. I feel like Mark Oshiro.
  • Oh wait law student spring breaker is the douche that Nicole Malloy stopped from assaulting the unconscious girl. So many people in this motel lobby are garbage.
  • And the garbage go boom.
  • Well, shit, the motel proprietor dad wasn’t garbage. But ugh.
  • The four dead: Sullivan Ross (motel dad), Gabriel Flores (one of our new nerd crew, whom Keith identifies as a Mexican national going to Cal Tech, so I assume there will be some connection to the two guys in the car in Mexico who shot third guy who was in the trunk), James Hatfield (law student douche), and Tawny Carr (the fiancée of Alex Maloof, which I guess is why V called this the Maloof Case? He must be who hires the Marses).
  • And a hot lawyer wife.
  • It’s actually nice to see Wallace and Logan being friendly, but it shows we've missed much character development. That being said: I'd rather there be character development that I missed, than take ten years off and return to NO character development *coughGilmorecough*
  • CLIFF MY MAN doing rounds at the hospital as smooth as can be

  • Ah he’s here to see our Pizza Man Patton Oswalt, who ignores him because he’s on the phone, and the blonde who brought the makeup bag to Tawny before the bomb.
  • Hot damn, Chief of Police Langdon seems actually competent and I’m dying.
  • Ah, Alex Maloof has lost his hand. So we have four casualties and several serious injuries.
  • “Look, whenever I don’t know what to do next, I opt for suing someone.”
  • Ah and Congressman Maloof (brother to Alex) doesn’t like the Chief of Police even though she doesn’t seem like an idiot, so Cliff sends him to Mars Investigations.
  • The Maloofs are wealthy so V keeps the same rate she gave her client earlier: 300 an hour PLUS 5000 retainer.
  • Yep, down in Mexico, we reveal that Gabriel the nerd is the nephew of someone named Oscar.
  • So our organized crime player now is no longer the Fitzpatricks; we’ve got a Mexican cartel instead. Because Oscar is El Despiadado.
  • Aw shit a head in a bag interrupts a football game. Ain’t that always the way? Oh, it’s the guy who was in the car with Alonzo, our friend from Westworld.
  • Veronica claims Logan is unfazed by the marriage proposal rejection and uh. I don’t think that’s true.
  • Veronica and Keith at the crime scene, scoping the survivors of the Sea Sprite Bombing.
  • “I’d like to think I would have walked away if we didn’t need the money. Knowing what I know now? I wish I had. But there was a girl, and I started to care about the girl. And if you know anything about what I do, that’s never good.”

Daniel’s Thoughts:

  • Wow, we’re back and sooner than expected.
  • Veronica narrates, pretty much summing up her struggle to get out of Neptune (the series), and the need to come back (the movie).
  • Apparently, there’s a “mad bomber’
  • This isn’t the first time we’ve seen or heard about spring break in Neptune.  As I recall, it was the setting of one of Rob Thomas’ Veronica Mars books.
  • And already we have our first stat: “Veronica Breaks in”.  She’s climbing over a fence.
  • Oh hey, it’s whatsherface:  Eliza Coupe as Veronica’s first client of season 4.  Veronica’s helping her figure out how her ex-husband keeps getting in.  The problem is the router – he set it up, so he knows all the passwords.  Mac could have helped with this. [Who? This show has only ever had one female regular. - The Writers]
  • Veronica’s just going around breaking stuff looking for cameras.
  • Oh man, the theme song is the same verse, different artist and style.  Female sung with a little jazz.  It’s kinda perfect.
  • So here are the listed stars: Kristen, Keith, Logan,  AND THAT’S IT.  Wow.  They finally did it.  The show only had three stars in the first three seasons.  Veronica, Keith & Logan were the only ones in every episode in season 3.  It’s about time they admitted that. Everyone else is just a guest star.  Sorry Weevil & Wallace.
  • I kind of love the end of this case.  Veronica’s helped the ex-wife get back at her husband by using ingenious gadgets and ideas and Eliza Coupe wants her to change a battery in the smoke detector….  Still treated like the help.  Is this why you came back Veronica?
  • Meanwhile, Keith is on another case…and using a cane.  Good continuity from the movie where he was in a bad car accident.
  • “Holy Cuss” – heh.
  • I love this bet between Veronica and Keith not to drop the F-bomb.  You can, though! You’re no longer on network tv.
  • And poor Keith.  It’s more than just the cane.  He seems to be having memory problems which is really worrying. 
  • And Keith is looking really old too.
  • But the banter is still alive with these two.
  • “What’s a tapedeck?” “I hate you.”
  • Hu Done It?
  • Awww, Veronica got a new dog and his name is Pony!  VERONICA FINALLY GOT A PONY.  I’m pretty sure Rob Thomas wrote that just for us.  Us and our…ten followers.

  • Veronica lives across from the beach.  Nice, except it’s right in the middle of spring break so not so nice.
  • Logan comes out of the water like a Bond Girl and dayam he looks good.

  • “I’m gonna cuss your brains out.” – I mean, it’s no ‘fork’ but still funny.

  • I’m surprised the beach bunnies didn’t recognize Logan.
  • Oh my, it’s getting steamy. No nudity, but I don’t think they could have gotten away with that on network TV.
  • Logan: “Let’s get married”
  • But Veronica doesn’t want to get married and she has good, if cliched reasons.  She leaves Logan dejected.
  • Veronica & Keith go to the town hall.  Keith fills us in on some stuff that’s been happening in Neptune.  Apparently a Real Estate tycoon has come to Neptune to try to make it better, I guess. Oh.  That tycoon is former prison inmate Dick Sr.
  • “And he asked me to marry him.”  “What an asshole”
  • And here is Kirby Howell-Baptiste – who is currently working with Kristen Bell in The Good Place which - if you're not watching already, why not?
  • She’s arguing against Dick Sr., so Veronica (and I) already like her.
Does this count for our stats?

  • I’m glad we’re spending time with these characters before we introduce the big mystery arc.  We need to catch up with them.
  • Oh man, spring break looks the worst.  Kirby is there as the owner of this bar full of shitstains.  Some drunk passed out girl is being harassed and Kirby takes care of it, punching the guy out.
  • And this den of geeks play a game to see who can get rejected the most.  Sounds fun.
  • Meanwhile in Tijuana – two guys in a car, with blood all over them. Another guy is in the trunk.
  • Wow, these guys get past the police by mentioning their boss.  Even with a guy banging in the trunk of their car.
  • The guy in the car gets shot in the desert – our first fatality of the season.
  • But what’s this got to do with the series?
  • Poor Keith is taking all the meds, and doing physical therapy with some douche trainer who is more interested in his phone. (According to IMDB, it's Jonathan Chesner who played Corny in the original series) [I TOTALLY MISSED THAT HOLY SHIT THIS SHOW - Z]
  • Veronica is setting up the camera at Hu’s Grocery store.  And then Veronica and Keith have more Cuss banter.  I can see this getting old, but so far…it hasn't.
  • Keith and Veronica are talking money.  I’m sure it has a lot to do with Keith’s injury.  He can’t do as much as he used to.  Good thing Veronica got six grand out of Eliza Coupe.
  • “You could do something with that law degree.”  Keith’s still on that…  Give it up, Keith.  Veronica is meant to be a PI.
  • Some girl is complaining to her dad about the cinnamon in the coffee.  My parents do that, and I too, complain.  It’s an old people thing:  It’s supposed to be anti-inflammatory.
  • Patton Oswalt is a pizza guy.  This guy can do anything.
  • We’re back to the den of geeks in their beach motel room.  I wonder who won their contest.
  • And some ‘bros’ talking law.  Ugh.  One of em is the guy who was harassing the drunk girl the previous night.  You can tell because of the shiner.
  • All these people we’ve met are conveniently in the motel office…  Along with one of the girls we met last night that rejected the geek who….is also there.
  • And this rich asshole, a congressman’s brother, with his girlfriend who want to leave the motel to go to the Neptune Grande and are asking for their money back.
  • I wonder what’s going to happen.  I have to admit, though, even though I can see it coming, they’re setting it up spectacularly.  I mean, we did have that opening where Veronica was taking pictures of this place – so it wouldn’t be a complete surprise anyway.
  • At least they made an excuse to get the kid out of there.   But as soon as Patton Oswalt leaves, KABOOM. – 4 Dead.
  • Hey, it’s Wallace!  Wallace has a nice house.  AND HE HAS A KID.  Noah is less than a year old, so he didn’t have him during the movie.
  • His wife, Shae, is unknown to me so we didn’t see her in the movie.  She seems to be a lawyer – but that’s all we learn about her.  She does mention Wallace’s mom which is cool.  I wonder if we’ll ever see Wallace’s grown up brother.
  • Veronica is trying to use Logan as an excuse to leave, which is weird.  But he wants to stay.  Logan and Wallace have grown up.
  • Cliff!!!  He’s hilariously trolling the hospital looking for clients.
  • There’s Patton Oswalt.  He made it through the KABOOM, but is hurt.
  • Hey, it’s Dawnn Lewis as a cop in Neptune. She says she’s the new chief of police.  Has that position replaced the sheriff?
  • The congressman, whose brother is in the hospital, is approached by Cliff.  He, of course, has a suggestion of some private investigators they can hire.
  • Mars Investigations is looking more like the old tv series than what it looked like in the movie.
  • The congressman is happy to throw some money at the Marses.  Keith is wary of taking the case but Veronica encourages him – and also makes sure the Maloofs know their expensive quotes.
  • Ok, we’re back in Mexico for some reason.  And we meet the big boss.  I’m assuming these are the new Fitzpatricks.  As if we needed new Fitzpatricks.  “El Despiadado” is what they call him, which translates to “The Merciless”.  Oooh.
  • Holy crap.  While the kids are playing ‘football’, someone throws a head over the wall.
  • So this is how it’s all connected.  One of the victim’s in the blast was El Despiadado’s ex-wife’s nephew.  So now these guys are headed to Neptune.

Favorite Lines:

Zelda: “Who else is gonna keep paying for those safaris where you and your big-shot friends hunt the most dangerous game of all: the homeless.” - Veronica
Daniel: "What's a tape deck?" "I hate you" - Veronica/Keith


Neptune Roll Call: Only Veronica, Keith & Logan are in the opening c
First Appearance: Alonzo Lozano, Nicole Malloy, Dodie Mendoza, Daniel Maloof, Marcia Langdon, Penn Epner, Matty Ross, Amalia Maloof, Alex Maloof, Simon, Loyd, Mayor Mark Dobbins, Craig, Andy, Bob Sargent, Shae Fennel, Noah Fennel
Recurring: Cho's Pizza, Wallace Fennel, Cliff McCormack, Richard Casablancas Sr. 
Generally Known TV Face: Eliza Coupe, Mark L. Young, Rudy Martinez, Francois Chau, Brad Morris, Clifton Collins Jr.
Already Famous: Patton Oswalt, Alanna Ubach
Fun Fact:  The physical therapist is played by Jonathan Chesner who was Corny in the regular series. [I'm willing to consider this a recurring appearance until proven otherwise - Z]


Dead Humans - 5
The bombing victims
Pony Sighting - 1
Veronica Breaks In - 1
Veronica Tases Someone - 0
Who's Your Daddy? - 0
Wallace Does Veronica a Favor - 0
Veronica Wants a Pony - VERONICA HAS A PONY
Logan Punches Someone - 0
Dick's Single Entendres – 0
Shenanigans Called - 0

Tuesday, July 16, 2019

It Actually Does Sit on a Hellmouth


“Years after walking away from her past as a young private eye, Veronica Mars gets pulled back to her hometown, just in time for her high school reunion, in order to help her old flame Logan Echolls, who’s embroiled in a murder mystery.”

Note: for those who are curious: Of course we intend to recap the new season of  Veronica Mars on our blog! We know that it breaks a bit with our brand, since it won't be a return, spoiler-filled watch-and-recap, but there's no way we could let this happen and not write about it. Also, we know the whole season is landing on Hulu all at once, but we still plan to post one episode a week, keeping to our routine. Thanks for sticking with us, and see you soon!

Daniel's Thoughts:

  • ISH
  • There’s a little exposition about the series.
  • Ok, a lot of exposition.
  • We talk a lot about Logan & Keith.  We glimpse Weevil.  But that’s about it from the old cast.
  • “People say I'm a marshmallow”  AWW. THAT'S WHAT WE'RE CALLED, TOO!
  • Veronica’s in NY and she’s interviewing for a law firm. Jamie Lee Curtis is her potential boss.
  • I love this flawless execution of her taking out her middle finger as lipstick.

  • So a little more exposition in her interview (stuff that we missed):  Veronica transferred to Stanford for her 2nd year of college.  Leaving Keith and Wallace and Mac behind, I guess.
  • They bring up the sex tape from the final episodes of the season.
  • Piz has his dream job – and still has his dream girl, it seems.  Altho, it seems like they only recently reconnected. By the looks of things – they do live together. (Or maybe one of them is staying over.)
  • So this is the start of bringing back people from the series – Carrie Bishop – played by a different actress – is dead.
  • And Logan may be blamed for it.
  • There’s a guy with a guitar singing the old theme song – which is awesome.
  • At another interview, or maybe the same one? – Logan calls Veronica.
  • And…of course she goes.  Piz is super understanding.
  • Logan meets her at the airport, in a navy uniform.  He looks super thin.
  • “You should only wear this.  Like always.” I'm glad they can harmlessly flirt without it meaning anyth-I CAN'T EVEN PRETEND.
  • Also, it seems Logan bought her ticket.  First class, even. 
  • Mars investigations has moved.  The office is a lot bigger.
  • When Veronica goes inside, the receptionist’s phone rings.  She goes to answer it, getting back to old times, which is totally cute.
  • Neptune, it seems, is getting more corrupt.  Including the police who are now under a new Sheriff Lamb.  Don’s big brother.
  • Wallace and Mac!  Catching up: Wallace is a JV coach at the high school - which is totally cool except I guess he never did anything with engineering. Mac is working with Kane software.
  • Wallace is still Piz’s champion.
  • Ugh, that old cliché.  My new boyfriend is easy to love and has no drama, so it must be boring and wrong. I really really hate that. [Same. - Riley Finn]
  • Logan is staying with Dick and he’s just as Dick as ever.
  • When he tells her her boobs look bigger, I wonder if it’s an inside joke to Kristen Bell being pregnant – but it could also just be Dick being Dick,
  • Veronica could have done this by skype, interviewing lawyers.  
  • So we’ve got suspect #1: Bonnie DeVille’s biggest fan and would-be clone.
  • Veronica opens up her chest of goodies: including her beloved taser.
  • Logan flirts some more. It’s expected.
  • Ruby’s apartment is creepy and stalkerish.
  • Wallace looks good with facial hair. 
  • It’s nine years later and Veronica is asking Wallace for a favor at the high school to get a student’s file.
  • Deputy Sachs!!!
  • Cliff!  All the favorites!
  • And I like the continuity of Keith wanting Veronica to have a better life than him.
  • Oh man, the name of the club is called ‘09er’, That’s so elitist gross.
  • The dance music sounds like there’s a tuba in it and it’s really annoying.
  • “I’m in hedge funds, what does he do?” Oh god. Am I at work?
  • Veronica, of course, gets hit on a lot. And one of those guys is her real life husband – Dax Shephard.
  • “Crazy-ass murderer wall”
  • Meanwhile, Veronica gets an offer from Jamie Lee Curtis.
  • Ruby has some weird theories – but she might not be completely off.
  • I don’t like that they paired Veronica with Piz in the beginning of the movie just for this to happen.  We didn’t need to knock Piz down just to get these two back together.  If they wanted her to have a boyfriend, they could have used someone we don’t care about.
  • Expos: Susan Knight. Also dead.
  • Seriously, Mac & Wallace look great.  Wallace is totally a fit babe; Mac looks like the star of a sci-fi movie set in the future.

  • Madison is still a total cunt.
  • Gia!  And the whole gang. I can’t even name all of them.  Mostly because I can’t remember all of their names.  You can IMDb it. (Or just look at the wonderful stats Zelda has created below)
  • Aww, Weevil looks great, too.  He’s married and has a kid.  He’s doing really well.  For now.
  • Wow, the in memoriam – all the people we remember like Felix Toombs & Meg Manning.
  • Madison shows Veronica’s sex tape.  Seriously? Is this still HS? Is she that horrible and immature?  Yes, I guess, yes.
  • People are laughing – again is this HS?
  • “It actually does sit on a hellmouth” – Piz, about Neptune High.  I love it.
  • Wallace, Logan and Piz start fighting all the assholes.  It’s really weird.  And Veronica’s not having it, so she sets off the fire alarm.
  • Veronica punching Madison is so satisfying.
  • “Words with Friends?” “Some people just call it texting.” OMG, that’s my favorite. 
  • Suspects: Luke, Martin Starr, Gia.
  • Weevil is enjoying his new life, giggling when his wife texts him to buy new Huggies.
  • Meanwhile Mrs. Kane is being harassed.  Weevil tries to help, but gets shot for his troubles.
  • Keith’s overprotective dad thing is really annoying when Veronica is almost 30 years old.  She’s allowed to have sex, Keith. 
  • And the police department plants evidence on Weevil and it sucks especially since this seems to be a theme in current Neptune.
  • The Lamb parents called their kids Dan & Don.  No wonder they turned into assholes. [We don't speak of Dun Lamb, the black sheep of our children. - Mr. & Mrs. Lamb]
  • This is the second time Veronica has pretended to be Martina Vasquez   And both times it’s been the Sheriff Lambs.
  • He’s pretending he doesn’t really remember Veronica – and it’s totally throwing Veronica off and it’s awesome. He's really good at it.
Still got that Leo smile.

  • She did bring a pizza!
  • “I’m not with the FBI” “I could have sworn someone told me you were with the FBI” “Another life maybe.” – a reference, not too subtly, to the 4th season pilot pitch.  Something for the fans. I mean this whole film is for the fans, and that’s what I appreciate about it.
  • “I wish Logan could quit you” – Dick. Heh.
  • The James Franco video.  So funny.
  • “If you’re under 30 in southern California, you’re never more than 2 degrees away from James Franco.”
  • VINNIE!  So if he didn’t win the Sheriff’s position and neither did Keith, who did?
  • Uh oh.  Gia’s the one who sent Logan the text from Carrie.
  • Piz is hurt and he breaks it off with Veronica.  And it’s really sad because he’s right. 
  • And Keith is pissed because Veronica blew off her opportunity to be a lawyer.  And the thing is, it’s not really about Logan.  It’s not about Piz.  It’s about her destiny.  Veronica is destined to be a PI in Neptune.  It’s what she loves.  It’s what she thrives on.
  • And here it is.  Keith meets Deputy Sacks privately.  Jerry Sacks was always a good guy.  And he can’t take the fact that he’s working with the bad guys.
  • And then it happens.  Their car gets hit – on purpose.  Keith is in bad shape but Jerry Sachs does not make it through the movie.
  • Keith’s in really bad shape.  The doctor gives information to Veronica about Sacks.  He’s DOA.  I’m not sure if the doctor is allowed to do that since Veronica and Logan aren’t family – but I don’t know.  It’s gray area I guess.  They were in the same car.
  • Logan puts Veronica to bed and it’s a scene we’ve seen before: Logan taking care of Veronica.
  • Piz broke up with Veronica, so now it’s okay.  She can sleep with Logan.  And she does. Passion coming from grief is never a good idea.  And yet here we are.
  • “It’s probably that nosy bitch Veronica Mars.”  “It’s called curiosity.”
  • So Gia and Martin Starr sleeping together and apparently Luke is getting off in bathhouses.
  • Martin Starr has Gia’s apartment bugged.
  • When Gia gets serious, she has some clarity.  She lessens the ditzy profile she so often exudes.
  • Dick’s the only innocent of the bunch which is kinda interesting.
  • For someone who was under the thumb of blackmail for so long and so scared about, she sure spills a lot to Veronica.  Martin Starr is listening  to all of this, of course.
  • And Gia gets shot.
  • Familiar scene: Veronica’s in a small space texting her dad that she really needs help.
  • Veronica tazes Martin Starr and maces him and runs!
  • And just like that, Logan is off the hook.
  • Veronica recorded Dan Lamb saying he doesn’t care if Logan is guilty or not which is awesome.
  • “Our story is epic.”
  • And it looks like Veronica is staying.  Mac is working for Veronica.  Weevil is getting back with his gang. Keith is recovering.  Wallace is thriving as a basketball coach.

Zelda’s Thoughts:

  • Movie time! Preggers Kristen Bell time! LoVe Forever time!
  • Aw man flashback montage of teenage Veronica’s many hairstyles
  • It’s a pretty well built recap montage, with Veronica narrating us through her past.
  • “That was the old me. Angry me. Vengeful me. New me? People say I’m a marshmallow.”
  • Man, I love V’s pantomime lipstick middle finger.
  • Veronica, don’t liiiiiiiiiiiiiie in your interview, saying you only answered phones and opened mail for your dad. WE KNOW THE TRUTH.
  • Further backstory: “I haven’t worked a case since I transferred to Stanford.”
  • It’s nice to see that Piz gets to do what he loves for a living, making a go in the world of radio. Also, good haircut.

  • RIP Bonnie DeVille AKA Carrie Bishop AKA we found our inciting incident
  • Also it seems she was cheating on Logan with Sean Friedrich, the douche I barely remember (yeah yeah I know, chauffeur's son)
  • And, in soap opera style, Don Lamb’s newly-existing brother Dan Lamb is Neptune’s current corrupt sheriff
  • I’ve been holding onto this thought forever, and I know in context of “Logan’s been accused of murder” it makes less sense, but one of my favorite things about Logan is that he got better on his own. So many of the hot-bad-boy-redeemed narratives show the bad boy getting better for love of a girl, but spinning out if they’re apart, which puts the entire weight of the man's redemption on the woman, and it's beyond unfair. We saw it with Spike, we definitely saw it with younger Logan. But here he is, a functional adult, maybe still attracted to the damaged girl, but he’s in much better shape, and that didn’t depend on Veronica’s love.
  • KEITH’S FACE WHEN HE SEES VERONICA. Cutest cutest cutest.

  • “You know what happens when you mess with the bull, right?” // “You get the clichés?”
  • And the deputies are being their usual awful, and hey there’s still a biker gang.
  • Keith’s new house is nice. Go Keith!
  • And Mac is working for Kane Software.
  • “I wish I was clubbing baby seals ... but they just pay me so welllll. // “$10,000 Pyramid: things a whore says!”
  • “I will say this for [Piz]: he almost never gets charged with murder.”
  • “Hey Logan, that girl who follows you around is here!”
  • The banter is so strong in this film.
  • That is a scuzzy asskissing lawyer. At least we don’t get a montage of wrong.
  • Ah yes, Ruby Jetson, the girl creepily obsessed with Bonnie.
  • HAhah, in a box labeled Accessories are Veronica’s taser, some mace, various fake IDs and her iconic S3 purse with the studded strap.
  • And Keith, he knows, for all that Veronica’s in denial.
  • “You ever hear the one about the junkie who was satisfied with just one more taste of the good stuff? Neither have I.”
  • Cute early clue: “My dad has a trucker hat that’s rigged with a camera.” We’ll see Logan wearing that later on! [If you see a trucker hat in the first act...-Chekhov]
  • Logan’s flashback of the night Bonnie was murdered has none of the weird light tint that Veronica’s flashbacks or her various S1 imaginings of Lilly’s murder. I guess that gives it the ring of truth.
  • Le gasp! Ruby’s a fellow Neptune High-er! Della Pugh in the most ridiculous wig ever.
  • Veronica calling Wallace asking for a student’s record. Wallace: “You do realize I’m a teacher now.” // It's not even a current student.” // “That does NOT make it okay.”
  • And V is almost pulling off her location scout act … until Deputy Sacks recognizes her. Oops.
  • CLIFF! HI CLIFF. “Veronica, my how you’ve grown. Seems like only yesterday you could have been tried as a minor.”
  • And Ruby/Della recognizes Veronica and helps her sneak out of being charged.
  • “Where I come from, they just say thank you.” // “No, they don’t. You went to Neptune High.”
  • Veronica’s getting hit on by the scuzz of the 09er club and she’s deflecting delightfully. And then Kristen Bell’s husband makes his cameo as the scuzziest of scuzz.
  • Veronica: “We should take the long way home.” Logan: *reacts*
  • And the way they make it okay for Logan to so quickly take up with Veronica (I know we’re not there yet) is he said this past year he’s been more Bonnie’s sponsor than her boyfriend. As for Veronica, well. This sucks for Piz.
  • Another clue, casually dropped: Susan Knight also died, the year Veronica left town.
  • Gia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! “So many mixed emotions right now.”
  • WEEVIL doing so well, dressed nicely, happily married, with AN ADORABLE THREE YEAR OLD.
  • Aw Piz came to the party, all charm, just in time for the sex tape and the fistfight.
  • Welcome back to Neptune, Piz.
  • “It actually does sit on a hellmouth.”
  • As Piz joins the fight, “This is what men do, right?”
  • All V’s men are in it now, and even Dick has joined, though I think he just felt left out.
  • Madison is mad at Veronica for ruining things? She’s the one who just had them play the sex tape, that petty stupid asshole shit.
  • Veronica punching her? Gold.
  • Clemmons! I really am so pleased they got so many of the old players back for this.

  • I wonder why they went with one of the few characters who didn’t appear on the show, for the murderer. The people on the boat were Carrie, Susan, Dick, Gia, Luke, and Cobb. Cobb’s the odd one out.
  • I hate this I hate this. Weevil’s doing so well, and so much is about to get ruined. When we saw this scene the first time in the theater, I thought he was dead, and at least he’s not that, but I hate this. And Celeste Kane is well-placed (her ex Jake’s part of the Castle, remember that? That totally real thing?), so there’s no way she’ll get in trouble for shooting him.
  • Keith being scandalized about Piz spending the night in Veronica’s room, Piz promising there was no sex: THEY’RE ALMOST THIRTY. THEY ARE GROWN ASS SEXUAL ADULTS AND THIS IS SUPER ANNOYING.
  • And the police planted a gun on an unconscious Weevil. I hate this I hate this I hate this.
  • Veronica pulling out her Martina Vasquez impression to fool another Sheriff Lamb
  • Keith, overhearing the end of it. “Would you say I was a good parent.” I love him so much.

  • LEO! THEY GOT LEO. And he’s delightful and pretending not to remember Veronica.
  • And at last the show acknowledges that it was sketchy he dated her when she was still a teen.
  • And then he points out that the last time she asked for a favor she brought him a pizza … and she’s also brought him a pizza this time and it’s so cute.
  • Leo: “I coulda sworn that I heard somewhere that you were with the FBI” // “Another life, maybe.” WE SEE YOU, FILM.
  • And Veronica found an incriminating clue. The anchor is missing off the Serendipity. Susan Knight was weighed down at sea.
  • The James Franco cameo is such a weird nutty thing.
  • And it’s Vinnie. Vinnie spiked the tablets with spyware and has been releasing the videos, including the sex tapes of Bonnie.
  • Veronica keeps screening calls from Jamie Lee Curtis. Don’t ignore the Scream Queen!
  • And there’s Logan in the trucker hat with camera, recording Sheriff Dan Lamb being corrupty.

  • “Where did you get these official police photos?” // “Maybe she’s friends with Martina Vasquez.” Glad Deputy Sacks is getting a moment or two before they spoiler him.
  • And because Veronica has let down Piz, because he can see her choosing Logan over him, and continuing to choose Logan over him, and cuts his losses, ending things with her.
  • I’m not sure we needed this relationship for the film—it’s a bigger deal to me that she’s shirking the job opportunity—besides some fan service for those who shipped her with Piz (and fondness for Chris Lowell, who seems very sweet), especially since we don’t need to have her suddenly end a relationship to throw her back together with Logan.
  • And we see how much harder Keith’s disappointment in her, in her choosing Logan over the job opportunity, we see how much harder that hits her than Piz breaking up with her did.
  • “Wait a minute, we’re the bad guys.” Aw Sacks. He spent so long just seeming dopey and incompetent, but it’s a relief to see he’s not as corrupted as the rest of the sheriff’s department.
  • Much good may it do him. RIP Sack.
  • And shit, the truck comes back to make sure they finished the job, knocking Sacks out of the picture.
  • And it’s time to resume LoVe! … a few hours after Piz broke up with her, but okay.
  • Gasp! Gia called Cobb.
  • “Someone’s just messing with you. I mean, it’s probably that nosy bitch, Veronica Mars.” // Veronica, listening in via a bug: “It’s called curiosity.”
  • Shenanigans! Veronica claims she sat behind Gia in Algebra, but Gia only attended Neptune High senior year, and no way was Veronica in Algebra as a senior.
  • “Do you even remember Cobb from high school?” Me: No!
  • Hmm Gia describes high school Cobb as a trailer park weirdo, camo-wearing … maybe they wanted Norris Clayton but Theo Rossi was unavailable? (It was during Sons of Anarchy, so probably)
  • Oof, RIP Gia Goodman. A harsh death, shot through the gut.
  • And now Cobb is come a-calling, to finish off Veronica.
  • Heartbreaking: Veronica, hiding in a cabinet, knowing Cobb will find her soon, sends a text Keith, still unconscious in the ICU: “I love you”
  • Keith wakes up slowly, to see the well-timed newscast revealing Logan’s exoneration and Cobb’s arrest, and Veronica curled up in a chair in his hospital room, waiting for him.
  • “What’s a hundred and eighty days to us? Our story is epic. Spanning years, continents. // Lives ruined, bloodshed.”
  • “Come back to me.” // “Always.” A sweet romantic send off for Logan, before we slip back to our noir roots.
  • “I know all about accepting the things I cannot change. I’m supposed to find the courage to change the things I can.”
  • Veronica’s back at Mars Investigations, Mac is back to hacking for Veronica, and Weevil is back on his bike.
  • “Dad always said this town could wreck a person. It's what happens when you're playing a rigged game. I convinced myself winning meant getting out. But in what world do you get to leave the ring and declare victory? This is where I belong: in the fight. It’s who I am. Wash me clean and I don’t recognize myself. So how about I just accept the mud, and the tendency I have to find myself rolling in it? My name is Veronica, and I’m an addict.”

Favorite Lines:
Daniel:  Veronica: “Words with Friends?” Dick:“Some people just call it texting.”
Zelda: Madison: "What are you gonna do, use your stun gun on me? Don't you think that's gotten a bit old?" // Veronica, punching Madison in her oh-so-punchable face: "Original enough for you?"

Neptune Roll Call (including all past regulars):  Logan, Wallace, Piz, Mac, Weevil, Dick
 (Absent: Duncan Kane, Mallory Dent, Jackie Cook, Cassidy “Beaver” Casablancas, Sheriff Don Lamb, Parker Lee)
Recurring: Gia Goodman, Bonnie DeVille (nee Carrie Bishop), Deputy Jerry Sacks, Luke Halderman, Leo D’Amato, Cliff McCormack, Madison Sinclair, Corny, Susan Knight, Celeste Kane, Vinnie Van Lowe, Sean Friedrich, Principal Van Clemmons, Arturo
I Was Here in Neptune This Whole Time, I Swear: Stu “Cobb” Cobbler, Ruby Jetson, Sheriff Dan Lamb
Already Famous Person: Ira Glass, Jamie Lee Curtis, Dax Shepard, Jerry O’Connell, Justin Long, James Franco
Generally Known TV Face: Gabby Hoffman, Eddie Jemison, Jessica Camacho, Kyle Bornheimer, Martin Starr, Dave Allen, those two TMZ guys
Musician Cameo: Alejandro Escovedo (busker singing theme song)
Logan's Inspirational Message: This is Logan reminding you: if you're offered a seat on a rocket ship, don't ask which seat, just get on. Sheryl Sandberg said that. So don't leave a message. Go get on that rocket ship. Or, ship. Or, leave a message. Your call. Your decision will tel me a lot about you.
Veronica's Alias: Pam Martin the location scout, Martina Vasquez
Veronica's Nicknames: Terrence and Phillip (the Canadian karaoke boys)


Dead Humans - 3
Backup Sighting - 0 (Did Dawn shoot him with a crossbow?)
Veronica Breaks In - 0
Veronica Tases Someone – 1
Deputy Tases Someone - 1
Mac Hacks - 1
Who's Your Daddy? - 1
Wallace Does Veronica a Favor - 1
Veronica Wants a Pony - 0
Logan Punches Someone – 1
Veronica Punches Madison and It Is Glorious - 1
Dick's Single Entendres - 1 ("I specifically told the agency 'an eager-to-please brunette.'")
Shenanigans Called - 1
VERONICA WAS RIGHT - 1 (Gia helped manipulate Bonnie's time of death using Bonnie's tablet)
VERONICA WAS WRONG – 1 (Luke wasn’t part of Bonnie’s murder)

Thursday, July 11, 2019

Moonwalk, Perhaps? Something For the Kids

Veronica in the FBI (Season Four Pilot Pitch)

Rob Thomas’s pitch to get Veronica Mars picked up for a fourth season jumps forward in time with Veronica as a rookie FBI Agent. Note: this is not ultimately canon, per the 2014 film, and stats will not be counted toward our grand totals. Also this is a twelve-minute pitch, so ... this is a six-minute post.

Daniel's Thoughts:

  • So this is the unaired FBI pitch for season 4.
  • We’ve got Veronica acting all 21 Jump street at a principal’s office in some boarding school.  Or High school?
  • The principal is getting all touchy-feely.
  • And then she walks into the FBI.
  • Oh hey, it’s Walter Goggins. As one of the FBI heads.
  • So according to this, Veronica and others – are fresh from Quantico.  Does that mean that this is years in the future?  (Not just the summer internship she was supposed to have.)
  • And sexism reigns everywhere, including at FBI headquarters.
  • And we’re getting some backstory of why she’s at this boarding school.
  • Veronica is wearing a wire, back at the principal’s office.
  • Wow, the Principal is actually pulling his zipper down.  It’s so gross.
  • And then Veronica reveals herself as FBI and he runs all slo-mo like we’re in one of those procedurals. 
  • We’re going back and forth between the case and the FBI headquarters.
  • So this whole new pilot has no one from the old show but Veronica.
  • There’s all these new characters but they seem familiar.  Just more cocky douchey frat boys.
  • Veronica’s on case with Parker Abrams and they’re talking and flirting I guess and I’m not sure how much I care.  As awesome as Veronica would be in the FBI; I just don’t think this would be as gripping of a show.
  • What’s with all the cursing?  Twice so far someone has been bleeped.  Makes me think the HULU show might be a bit more adult.
  • The 15 minute preview ends on a cliffhanger, of course.

Zelda’s Thoughts:

  • Veronica’s back in high school! Because Kristen Bell is tiny and won’t age.
  • And Bob Gunton aka Shawshank’s warden is here to be a creeper.
  • And we learn that Veronica is as good an actress as Kristen Bell, calling up the tears/but seeming to fight them off.
  • I’m of so many minds about this. I think the Season Four Pitch wasn’t necessarily a good bet, especially if they wanted to retain their fans (WHERE IS KEITH. WHERE IS MAC. WHERE IS LOGAN ASSUMING HE GOT HIS ACT TOGETHER), so it’s just as well, and Season Three was SUCH a slog, but the show used to be good. I’m glad the film at least satisfied.
  • I wonder what the new season will bring!
  • Walton Goggins! I love him!
  • SHENANIGANS Why is Adam Kaufman aka Parker Abrams aka Jessica Chastain’s painter boyfriend from season whatever now an FBI agent? For a show that prides itself on its backbench of recurring characters, this is a weird casting move.
  • And that’s it, that’s the pitch.
  • Let’s go watch the movie.