PLEASE NOTE: THIS IS A SPOILER-RICH ZONE. If your diet requires you to dine on television spoiler-free ... good luck with that.


Thursday, July 11, 2019

Moonwalk, Perhaps? Something For the Kids

Veronica in the FBI (Season Four Pilot Pitch)

Rob Thomas’s pitch to get Veronica Mars picked up for a fourth season jumps forward in time with Veronica as a rookie FBI Agent. Note: this is not ultimately canon, per the 2014 film, and stats will not be counted toward our grand totals. Also this is a twelve-minute pitch, so ... this is a six-minute post.

Daniel's Thoughts:

  • So this is the unaired FBI pitch for season 4.
  • We’ve got Veronica acting all 21 Jump street at a principal’s office in some boarding school.  Or High school?
  • The principal is getting all touchy-feely.
  • And then she walks into the FBI.
  • Oh hey, it’s Walter Goggins. As one of the FBI heads.
  • So according to this, Veronica and others – are fresh from Quantico.  Does that mean that this is years in the future?  (Not just the summer internship she was supposed to have.)
  • And sexism reigns everywhere, including at FBI headquarters.
  • And we’re getting some backstory of why she’s at this boarding school.
  • Veronica is wearing a wire, back at the principal’s office.
  • Wow, the Principal is actually pulling his zipper down.  It’s so gross.
  • And then Veronica reveals herself as FBI and he runs all slo-mo like we’re in one of those procedurals. 
  • We’re going back and forth between the case and the FBI headquarters.
  • So this whole new pilot has no one from the old show but Veronica.
  • There’s all these new characters but they seem familiar.  Just more cocky douchey frat boys.
  • Veronica’s on case with Parker Abrams and they’re talking and flirting I guess and I’m not sure how much I care.  As awesome as Veronica would be in the FBI; I just don’t think this would be as gripping of a show.
  • What’s with all the cursing?  Twice so far someone has been bleeped.  Makes me think the HULU show might be a bit more adult.
  • The 15 minute preview ends on a cliffhanger, of course.

Zelda’s Thoughts:

  • Veronica’s back in high school! Because Kristen Bell is tiny and won’t age.
  • And Bob Gunton aka Shawshank’s warden is here to be a creeper.
  • And we learn that Veronica is as good an actress as Kristen Bell, calling up the tears/but seeming to fight them off.
  • I’m of so many minds about this. I think the Season Four Pitch wasn’t necessarily a good bet, especially if they wanted to retain their fans (WHERE IS KEITH. WHERE IS MAC. WHERE IS LOGAN ASSUMING HE GOT HIS ACT TOGETHER), so it’s just as well, and Season Three was SUCH a slog, but the show used to be good. I’m glad the film at least satisfied.
  • I wonder what the new season will bring!
  • Walton Goggins! I love him!
  • SHENANIGANS Why is Adam Kaufman aka Parker Abrams aka Jessica Chastain’s painter boyfriend from season whatever now an FBI agent? For a show that prides itself on its backbench of recurring characters, this is a weird casting move.
  • And that’s it, that’s the pitch.
  • Let’s go watch the movie.

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