It Actually Does Sit on a Hellmouth

VERONICA MARS THE MOVIE

“Years after walking away from her past as a young private eye, Veronica Mars gets pulled back to her hometown, just in time for her high school reunion, in order to help her old flame Logan Echolls, who’s embroiled in a murder mystery.”

Note: for those who are curious: Of course we intend to recap the new season of  Veronica Mars on our blog! We know that it breaks a bit with our brand, since it won't be a return, spoiler-filled watch-and-recap, but there's no way we could let this happen and not write about it. Also, we know the whole season is landing on Hulu all at once, but we still plan to post one episode a week, keeping to our routine. Thanks for sticking with us, and see you soon!

Daniel's Thoughts:

• TEN YEARS LATER
• ISH
• There’s a little exposition about the series.
• Ok, a lot of exposition.
• We talk a lot about Logan & Keith.  We glimpse Weevil.  But that’s about it from the old cast.
• “People say I'm a marshmallow”  AWW. THAT'S WHAT WE'RE CALLED, TOO!
• Veronica’s in NY and she’s interviewing for a law firm. Jamie Lee Curtis is her potential boss.
• I love this flawless execution of her taking out her middle finger as lipstick.

• So a little more exposition in her interview (stuff that we missed):  Veronica transferred to Stanford for her 2^nd year of college.  Leaving Keith and Wallace and Mac behind, I guess.
• They bring up the sex tape from the final episodes of the season.
• Piz has his dream job – and still has his dream girl, it seems.  Altho, it seems like they only recently reconnected. By the looks of things – they do live together. (Or maybe one of them is staying over.)
• So this is the start of bringing back people from the series – Carrie Bishop – played by a different actress – is dead.
• And Logan may be blamed for it.
• There’s a guy with a guitar singing the old theme song – which is awesome.
• At another interview, or maybe the same one? – Logan calls Veronica.
• And…of course she goes.  Piz is super understanding.
• Logan meets her at the airport, in a navy uniform.  He looks super thin.
• “You should only wear this.  Like always.” I'm glad they can harmlessly flirt without it meaning anyth-I CAN'T EVEN PRETEND.
• Also, it seems Logan bought her ticket.  First class, even. 
• Mars investigations has moved.  The office is a lot bigger.
• When Veronica goes inside, the receptionist’s phone rings.  She goes to answer it, getting back to old times, which is totally cute.
• Neptune, it seems, is getting more corrupt.  Including the police who are now under a new Sheriff Lamb.  Don’s big brother.
• Wallace and Mac!  Catching up: Wallace is a JV coach at the high school - which is totally cool except I guess he never did anything with engineering. Mac is working with Kane software.
• Wallace is still Piz’s champion.
• Ugh, that old cliché.  My new boyfriend is easy to love and has no drama, so it must be boring and wrong. I really really hate that. [Same. - Riley Finn]
• Logan is staying with Dick and he’s just as Dick as ever.
• When he tells her her boobs look bigger, I wonder if it’s an inside joke to Kristen Bell being pregnant – but it could also just be Dick being Dick,
• Veronica could have done this by skype, interviewing lawyers.  
• So we’ve got suspect #1: Bonnie DeVille’s biggest fan and would-be clone.
• Veronica opens up her chest of goodies: including her beloved taser.
• Logan flirts some more. It’s expected.
• Ruby’s apartment is creepy and stalkerish.
• Wallace looks good with facial hair. 
• It’s nine years later and Veronica is asking Wallace for a favor at the high school to get a student’s file.
• Deputy Sachs!!!
• Cliff!  All the favorites!
• And I like the continuity of Keith wanting Veronica to have a better life than him.
• Oh man, the name of the club is called ‘09er’, That’s so elitist gross.
• The dance music sounds like there’s a tuba in it and it’s really annoying.
• “I’m in hedge funds, what does he do?” Oh god. Am I at work?
• Veronica, of course, gets hit on a lot. And one of those guys is her real life husband – Dax Shephard.
• “Crazy-ass murderer wall”
• Meanwhile, Veronica gets an offer from Jamie Lee Curtis.
• Ruby has some weird theories – but she might not be completely off.
• I don’t like that they paired Veronica with Piz in the beginning of the movie just for this to happen.  We didn’t need to knock Piz down just to get these two back together.  If they wanted her to have a boyfriend, they could have used someone we don’t care about.
• Expos: Susan Knight. Also dead.
• Seriously, Mac & Wallace look great.  Wallace is totally a fit babe; Mac looks like the star of a sci-fi movie set in the future.

• Madison is still a total cunt.
• Gia!  And the whole gang. I can’t even name all of them.  Mostly because I can’t remember all of their names.  You can IMDb it. (Or just look at the wonderful stats Zelda has created below)
• Aww, Weevil looks great, too.  He’s married and has a kid.  He’s doing really well.  For now.
• Wow, the in memoriam – all the people we remember like Felix Toombs & Meg Manning.
• Madison shows Veronica’s sex tape.  Seriously? Is this still HS? Is she that horrible and immature?  Yes, I guess, yes.
• People are laughing – again is this HS?
• “It actually does sit on a hellmouth” – Piz, about Neptune High.  I love it.
• Wallace, Logan and Piz start fighting all the assholes.  It’s really weird.  And Veronica’s not having it, so she sets off the fire alarm.
• Veronica punching Madison is so satisfying.
• “Words with Friends?” “Some people just call it texting.” OMG, that’s my favorite. 
• Suspects: Luke, Martin Starr, Gia.
• Weevil is enjoying his new life, giggling when his wife texts him to buy new Huggies.
• Meanwhile Mrs. Kane is being harassed.  Weevil tries to help, but gets shot for his troubles.
• Keith’s overprotective dad thing is really annoying when Veronica is almost 30 years old.  She’s allowed to have sex, Keith. 
• And the police department plants evidence on Weevil and it sucks especially since this seems to be a theme in current Neptune.
• The Lamb parents called their kids Dan & Don.  No wonder they turned into assholes. [We don't speak of Dun Lamb, the black sheep of our children. - Mr. & Mrs. Lamb]
• This is the second time Veronica has pretended to be Martina Vasquez   And both times it’s been the Sheriff Lambs.
• DEPUTY LEO IS NOW DETECTIVE LEO!
• He’s pretending he doesn’t really remember Veronica – and it’s totally throwing Veronica off and it’s awesome. He's really good at it.

Still got that Leo smile.

• She did bring a pizza!
• “I’m not with the FBI” “I could have sworn someone told me you were with the FBI” “Another life maybe.” – a reference, not too subtly, to the 4^th season pilot pitch.  Something for the fans. I mean this whole film is for the fans, and that’s what I appreciate about it.
• “I wish Logan could quit you” – Dick. Heh.
• The James Franco video.  So funny.
• “If you’re under 30 in southern California, you’re never more than 2 degrees away from James Franco.”
• VINNIE!  So if he didn’t win the Sheriff’s position and neither did Keith, who did?
• Uh oh.  Gia’s the one who sent Logan the text from Carrie.
• Piz is hurt and he breaks it off with Veronica.  And it’s really sad because he’s right. 
• And Keith is pissed because Veronica blew off her opportunity to be a lawyer.  And the thing is, it’s not really about Logan.  It’s not about Piz.  It’s about her destiny.  Veronica is destined to be a PI in Neptune.  It’s what she loves.  It’s what she thrives on.
• And here it is.  Keith meets Deputy Sacks privately.  Jerry Sacks was always a good guy.  And he can’t take the fact that he’s working with the bad guys.
• And then it happens.  Their car gets hit – on purpose.  Keith is in bad shape but Jerry Sachs does not make it through the movie.
• Keith’s in really bad shape.  The doctor gives information to Veronica about Sacks.  He’s DOA.  I’m not sure if the doctor is allowed to do that since Veronica and Logan aren’t family – but I don’t know.  It’s gray area I guess.  They were in the same car.
• Logan puts Veronica to bed and it’s a scene we’ve seen before: Logan taking care of Veronica.
• Piz broke up with Veronica, so now it’s okay.  She can sleep with Logan.  And she does. Passion coming from grief is never a good idea.  And yet here we are.
• “It’s probably that nosy bitch Veronica Mars.”  “It’s called curiosity.”
• So Gia and Martin Starr sleeping together and apparently Luke is getting off in bathhouses.
• Martin Starr has Gia’s apartment bugged.
• When Gia gets serious, she has some clarity.  She lessens the ditzy profile she so often exudes.
• Dick’s the only innocent of the bunch which is kinda interesting.
• For someone who was under the thumb of blackmail for so long and so scared about, she sure spills a lot to Veronica.  Martin Starr is listening  to all of this, of course.
• And Gia gets shot.
• Familiar scene: Veronica’s in a small space texting her dad that she really needs help.
• Veronica tazes Martin Starr and maces him and runs!
• And just like that, Logan is off the hook.
• Veronica recorded Dan Lamb saying he doesn’t care if Logan is guilty or not which is awesome.
• “Our story is epic.”
• And it looks like Veronica is staying.  Mac is working for Veronica.  Weevil is getting back with his gang. Keith is recovering.  Wallace is thriving as a basketball coach.

Zelda’s Thoughts:

• Movie time! Preggers Kristen Bell time! LoVe Forever time!
• Aw man flashback montage of teenage Veronica’s many hairstyles
• It’s a pretty well built recap montage, with Veronica narrating us through her past.
• “That was the old me. Angry me. Vengeful me. New me? People say I’m a marshmallow.”
• HI JAMIE LEE CURTIS. ON BEHALF OF VERONICA, WE ACCEPT YOUR JOB OFFER.
• Man, I love V’s pantomime lipstick middle finger.
• Veronica, don’t liiiiiiiiiiiiiie in your interview, saying you only answered phones and opened mail for your dad. WE KNOW THE TRUTH.
• Further backstory: “I haven’t worked a case since I transferred to Stanford.”
• It’s nice to see that Piz gets to do what he loves for a living, making a go in the world of radio. Also, good haircut.

• RIP Bonnie DeVille AKA Carrie Bishop AKA we found our inciting incident
• Also it seems she was cheating on Logan with Sean Friedrich, the douche I barely remember (yeah yeah I know, chauffeur's son)
• And, in soap opera style, Don Lamb’s newly-existing brother Dan Lamb is Neptune’s current corrupt sheriff
• I’ve been holding onto this thought forever, and I know in context of “Logan’s been accused of murder” it makes less sense, but one of my favorite things about Logan is that he got better on his own. So many of the hot-bad-boy-redeemed narratives show the bad boy getting better for love of a girl, but spinning out if they’re apart, which puts the entire weight of the man's redemption on the woman, and it's beyond unfair. We saw it with Spike, we definitely saw it with younger Logan. But here he is, a functional adult, maybe still attracted to the damaged girl, but he’s in much better shape, and that didn’t depend on Veronica’s love.
• KEITH’S FACE WHEN HE SEES VERONICA. Cutest cutest cutest.

• “You know what happens when you mess with the bull, right?” // “You get the clichés?”
• And the deputies are being their usual awful, and hey there’s still a biker gang.
• Keith’s new house is nice. Go Keith!
• MAAAAAAAAAAAAC AND WALLACCCCCCCCCCCCCE AND MAC HAS ADORABLE HAIR.
• And Mac is working for Kane Software.
• “I wish I was clubbing baby seals ... but they just pay me so welllll.” // “$10,000 Pyramid: things a whore says!”
• “I will say this for [Piz]: he almost never gets charged with murder.”
• “Hey Logan, that girl who follows you around is here!”
• The banter is so strong in this film.
• That is a scuzzy asskissing lawyer. At least we don’t get a montage of wrong.
• Ah yes, Ruby Jetson, the girl creepily obsessed with Bonnie.
• HAhah, in a box labeled Accessories are Veronica’s taser, some mace, various fake IDs and her iconic S3 purse with the studded strap.
• And Keith, he knows, for all that Veronica’s in denial.
• “You ever hear the one about the junkie who was satisfied with just one more taste of the good stuff? Neither have I.”
• Cute early clue: “My dad has a trucker hat that’s rigged with a camera.” We’ll see Logan wearing that later on! [If you see a trucker hat in the first act...-Chekhov]
• Logan’s flashback of the night Bonnie was murdered has none of the weird light tint that Veronica’s flashbacks or her various S1 imaginings of Lilly’s murder. I guess that gives it the ring of truth.
• Le gasp! Ruby’s a fellow Neptune High-er! Della Pugh in the most ridiculous wig ever.
• Veronica calling Wallace asking for a student’s record. Wallace: “You do realize I’m a teacher now.” // “It's not even a current student.” // “That does NOT make it okay.”
• And V is almost pulling off her location scout act … until Deputy Sacks recognizes her. Oops.
• CLIFF! HI CLIFF. “Veronica, my how you’ve grown. Seems like only yesterday you could have been tried as a minor.”
• And Ruby/Della recognizes Veronica and helps her sneak out of being charged.
• “Where I come from, they just say thank you.” // “No, they don’t. You went to Neptune High.”
• Veronica’s getting hit on by the scuzz of the 09er club and she’s deflecting delightfully. And then Kristen Bell’s husband makes his cameo as the scuzziest of scuzz.
• Veronica: “We should take the long way home.” Logan: *reacts*
• And the way they make it okay for Logan to so quickly take up with Veronica (I know we’re not there yet) is he said this past year he’s been more Bonnie’s sponsor than her boyfriend. As for Veronica, well. This sucks for Piz.
• Another clue, casually dropped: Susan Knight also died, the year Veronica left town.
• Gia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! “So many mixed emotions right now.”
• WEEVIL doing so well, dressed nicely, happily married, with AN ADORABLE THREE YEAR OLD.
• Aw Piz came to the party, all charm, just in time for the sex tape and the fistfight.
• Welcome back to Neptune, Piz.
• “It actually does sit on a hellmouth.”
• As Piz joins the fight, “This is what men do, right?”
• All V’s men are in it now, and even Dick has joined, though I think he just felt left out.
• Madison is mad at Veronica for ruining things? She’s the one who just had them play the sex tape, that petty stupid asshole shit.
• Veronica punching her? Gold.
• Clemmons! I really am so pleased they got so many of the old players back for this.
• PIZ DANCING THANK YOU FILM.

• I wonder why they went with one of the few characters who didn’t appear on the show, for the murderer. The people on the boat were Carrie, Susan, Dick, Gia, Luke, and Cobb. Cobb’s the odd one out.
• I hate this I hate this. Weevil’s doing so well, and so much is about to get ruined. When we saw this scene the first time in the theater, I thought he was dead, and at least he’s not that, but I hate this. And Celeste Kane is well-placed (her ex Jake’s part of the Castle, remember that? That totally real thing?), so there’s no way she’ll get in trouble for shooting him.
• Keith being scandalized about Piz spending the night in Veronica’s room, Piz promising there was no sex: THEY’RE ALMOST THIRTY. THEY ARE GROWN ASS SEXUAL ADULTS AND THIS IS SUPER ANNOYING.
• And the police planted a gun on an unconscious Weevil. I hate this I hate this I hate this.
• Veronica pulling out her Martina Vasquez impression to fool another Sheriff Lamb
• Keith, overhearing the end of it. “Would you say I was a good parent.” I love him so much.

• LEO! THEY GOT LEO. And he’s delightful and pretending not to remember Veronica.
• And at last the show acknowledges that it was sketchy he dated her when she was still a teen.
• And then he points out that the last time she asked for a favor she brought him a pizza … and she’s also brought him a pizza this time and it’s so cute.
• Leo: “I coulda sworn that I heard somewhere that you were with the FBI” // “Another life, maybe.” WE SEE YOU, FILM.
• And Veronica found an incriminating clue. The anchor is missing off the Serendipity. Susan Knight was weighed down at sea.
• The James Franco cameo is such a weird nutty thing.
• And it’s Vinnie. Vinnie spiked the tablets with spyware and has been releasing the videos, including the sex tapes of Bonnie.
• Veronica keeps screening calls from Jamie Lee Curtis. Don’t ignore the Scream Queen!
• And there’s Logan in the trucker hat with camera, recording Sheriff Dan Lamb being corrupty.

• “Where did you get these official police photos?” // “Maybe she’s friends with Martina Vasquez.” Glad Deputy Sacks is getting a moment or two before they spoiler him.
• And because Veronica has let down Piz, because he can see her choosing Logan over him, and continuing to choose Logan over him, and cuts his losses, ending things with her.
• I’m not sure we needed this relationship for the film—it’s a bigger deal to me that she’s shirking the job opportunity—besides some fan service for those who shipped her with Piz (and fondness for Chris Lowell, who seems very sweet), especially since we don’t need to have her suddenly end a relationship to throw her back together with Logan.
• And we see how much harder Keith’s disappointment in her, in her choosing Logan over the job opportunity, we see how much harder that hits her than Piz breaking up with her did.
• “Wait a minute, we’re the bad guys.” Aw Sacks. He spent so long just seeming dopey and incompetent, but it’s a relief to see he’s not as corrupted as the rest of the sheriff’s department.
• Much good may it do him. RIP Sack.
• And shit, the truck comes back to make sure they finished the job, knocking Sacks out of the picture.
• And it’s time to resume LoVe! … a few hours after Piz broke up with her, but okay.
• Gasp! Gia called Cobb.
• “Someone’s just messing with you. I mean, it’s probably that nosy bitch, Veronica Mars.” // Veronica, listening in via a bug: “It’s called curiosity.”
• Shenanigans! Veronica claims she sat behind Gia in Algebra, but Gia only attended Neptune High senior year, and no way was Veronica in Algebra as a senior.
• “Do you even remember Cobb from high school?” Me: No!
• Hmm Gia describes high school Cobb as a trailer park weirdo, camo-wearing … maybe they wanted Norris Clayton but Theo Rossi was unavailable? (It was during Sons of Anarchy, so probably)
• Oof, RIP Gia Goodman. A harsh death, shot through the gut.
• And now Cobb is come a-calling, to finish off Veronica.
• Heartbreaking: Veronica, hiding in a cabinet, knowing Cobb will find her soon, sends a text Keith, still unconscious in the ICU: “I love you”
• Keith wakes up slowly, to see the well-timed newscast revealing Logan’s exoneration and Cobb’s arrest, and Veronica curled up in a chair in his hospital room, waiting for him.
• “What’s a hundred and eighty days to us? Our story is epic. Spanning years, continents.” // “Lives ruined, bloodshed.”
• “Come back to me.” // “Always.” A sweet romantic send off for Logan, before we slip back to our noir roots.
• “I know all about accepting the things I cannot change. I’m supposed to find the courage to change the things I can.”
• Veronica’s back at Mars Investigations, Mac is back to hacking for Veronica, and Weevil is back on his bike.
• “Dad always said this town could wreck a person. It's what happens when you're playing a rigged game. I convinced myself winning meant getting out. But in what world do you get to leave the ring and declare victory? This is where I belong: in the fight. It’s who I am. Wash me clean and I don’t recognize myself. So how about I just accept the mud, and the tendency I have to find myself rolling in it? My name is Veronica, and I’m an addict.”

Favorite Lines:

Daniel:  Veronica: “Words with Friends?” Dick:“Some people just call it texting.”
Zelda: Madison: "What are you gonna do, use your stun gun on me? Don't you think that's gotten a bit old?" // Veronica, punching Madison in her oh-so-punchable face: "Original enough for you?"

Arc/Continuity:

Neptune Roll Call (including all past regulars):  Logan, Wallace, Piz, Mac, Weevil, Dick

 (Absent: Duncan Kane, Mallory Dent, Jackie Cook, Cassidy “Beaver” Casablancas, Sheriff Don Lamb, Parker Lee)

Recurring: Gia Goodman, Bonnie DeVille (nee Carrie Bishop), Deputy Jerry Sacks, Luke Halderman, Leo D’Amato, Cliff McCormack, Madison Sinclair, Corny, Susan Knight, Celeste Kane, Vinnie Van Lowe, Sean Friedrich, Principal Van Clemmons, Arturo

I Was Here in Neptune This Whole Time, I Swear: Stu “Cobb” Cobbler, Ruby Jetson, Sheriff Dan Lamb

Already Famous Person: Ira Glass, Jamie Lee Curtis, Dax Shepard, Jerry O’Connell, Justin Long, James Franco

Generally Known TV Face: Gabby Hoffman, Eddie Jemison, Jessica Camacho, Kyle Bornheimer, Martin Starr, Dave Allen, those two TMZ guys
Musician Cameo: Alejandro Escovedo (busker singing theme song)
Logan's Inspirational Message: This is Logan reminding you: if you're offered a seat on a rocket ship, don't ask which seat, just get on. Sheryl Sandberg said that. So don't leave a message. Go get on that rocket ship. Or, ship. Or, leave a message. Your call. Your decision will tel me a lot about you.
Veronica's Alias: Pam Martin the location scout, Martina Vasquez

Veronica's Nicknames: Terrence and Phillip (the Canadian karaoke boys)

Stats:

Dead Humans - 3

Backup Sighting - 0 (Did Dawn shoot him with a crossbow?)

Veronica Breaks In - 0

Veronica Tases Someone – 1

Deputy Tases Someone - 1

Mac Hacks - 1

Who's Your Daddy? - 1

Wallace Does Veronica a Favor - 1

Veronica Wants a Pony - 0

Logan Punches Someone – 1

Veronica Punches Madison and It Is Glorious - 1

Dick's Single Entendres - 1 ("I specifically told the agency 'an eager-to-please brunette.'")

Shenanigans Called - 1

VERONICA WAS RIGHT - 1 (Gia helped manipulate Bonnie's time of death using Bonnie's tablet)

VERONICA WAS WRONG – 1 (Luke wasn’t part of Bonnie’s murder)