I'm Cookie Dough

Episode 7.22: Chosen. Original Airdate 5.20.03

"After killing Caleb, Buffy conceives a plan to defeat the First once and for all. Willow invokes a magic spell that alters the ancient Slayer spell and gives Buffy the allies she needs to fight the Uber-Vamp army. An epic battle ensues and several good friends are lost. At the end, Buffy faces a completely new problem - one she's glad to have."

Zelda's Thoughts: 

• it's the finale you guys. no more Buffies
• "Okay, how many times do I have to kill you? Ballpark figure?" srsly tho
• wow she just
• she bisected him
• fuck you, misogynist.
• "It's not for you." // "Splainy?" heeee
• "Is he your boyfriend?" .. "Is that your business?" YEAH, ANGEL, IN LOVE WITH COMA-CORDELIA, IS IT YOUR BUSINESS?
• though DB always was good at being petty. "You know, I started it - the whole having-a-soul - before it was all the cool new thing."
• Captain Peroxide is Riley's diss on Spike, not Angel's. Have Riley and Angel been hanging out?
• I do very much like the cookie dough speech, mostly because it's pointing out that the show's never been about which guy Buffy ends up with. Sure, that's what fans get up in arms over (Daniel and I certainly fight about it), but it's not what the show's about. Buffy doesn't have to decide, at the age of 22, whom she wants to go off into the sunset with for the rest of her life. She's still becoming Buffy. If a show is going to be about female empowerment, it can't also be about which guy is laying claim to her.
• *kick* // "Ow." // "Dumbass." // "Don't look at me, this is a Summers' thing, it's all very violent." // "If you get killed, I'm telling."

• I use that one a lot.
• "I also used my enhanced vampire eyeballs."
• Hahaha so this picture?

Daniel made a birthday card for me with it on it. It's the best and I keep it on my fridge.

• my shipppppppppppppppppppppppppp LOOK AT THEM hahaha I didn't even wait too long after my female empowerment paragraph, did I? 

• ahhh I remember when this episode aired, and Spike's "drowning in footwear" dream was immediately interpreted as a Shanshu allusion.
• how come Spike's not in the cabinet meeting? It's all the core Scoobies plus Faith, but no Spike. Also no Wood?
• Sooooooo there's a question I have. Buffy goes "so here's the part where you make a choice." And I guess that choice is whether or not to go into the Hellmouth with everyone else, but ... they don't get a choice about having their Slayer selves activated. Willow's spell affects everyone with the Slayer potential, at any age. It's beautiful, but they don't have any more choice in the matter than Buffy did.
• "Oh please, I am so much prettier than you are." Robin Wood, you are not wrong.
• Ah, this is the speech where Joss tries to convince us to stop hating Kennedy. Didn't work.
• I think it's adorable that Andrew is helping distract people before the battle with a bit of D&D. And that Amanda knows what she's doing.
• "I used to be a highly respected Watcher, and now I'm a wounded dwarf with the mystical strength of a doily." This almost made the cut for my favorite line. There were far too many contenders.
• FINAL BATTLE TIME LET'S GO. "Welcome to Sunnydale High. There's no running in the halls, no yelling, no gum chewing. Apart from that, there's only one rule: if they move, kill them."
• "There's some people I'd like to thank, both good and evil."
• Fan service time! When the four of them stood in a circle, we all knew somehow what would happen and it did and I love them. The earth is definitely doomed.
• There's a lot about this episode that is really quite beautiful, even if the season preceding it was not satisfying. The walk down the hall, each Scooby peeling off to their station. The Potentials standing in a circle over the seal.
• Oh look, it's All The Turok-Hans.
• Is Spike having PTSD from when he was tortured? He looks particularly horrified.
• Oh. My. Goddess.
• "What if you could have that power, now? In every generation, one Slayer is born ... because a bunch of men who died thousands of years ago made up that rule. They were powerful men. This woman is more powerful than all of them combined. So I say we change that rule. I say my power should be our power. Tomorrow, Willow will use the essence of the scythe to change our destiny. From now on, every girl in the world who might be a Slayer WILL be a Slayer. Every girl who could have the power, will have the power. Can stand up, will stand up. Slayers, every one of us. Make your choice. Are you ready to be strong?"
• The girls' faces as they feel the power infuse in them.
• Willow, glowing with the not-evil magic.
• "I have swimmer's ear!"
• Aw shit Buffy got gut stabbed
• "Hold the line."
• And it's such a beautiful gesture. The scythe isn't just Buffy's now. It's Faith's. It's Rona's.
• (it's not Amanda's, she just died. RIP Amanda)
• "I want you to get out of my face."
• AND NOW THE GREATEST FIGHT MUSIC EVER BEGINS.
• "Oh Bollocks." Guys, I think Spike's Liz Taylor neckware is working.
• Andrew's plaintive "why" when he's not dead but he knows Anya is.
• Man, this school was brand new and it's already collapsing.
• "I love you." "No you don't. But thanks for saying it."
• "I want to see how it ends." I wish I wish I wish they hadn't been so damn proud to have signed JM for Angel. I wish I hadn't known that any death wouldn't be permanent. It meant I was never able to quite invest in his sacrifice, even as we see his skull turn to ash.
• I'm impressed that a school bus has the horsepower to escape the cratering of Sunnydale. I didn't think they could move that quickly. You know, safety and all.
• RIP, Welcome to Sunnydale sign. well, and Sunnydale.
• Andrew, telling a lie (he didn't see Anya fall) to help the mythology of her death, to make Xander feel a bit better.
• "Yeah, Buffy, what are we gonna do now?"
• okay but her smile is so beautiful and I'm having feelings and I HAVE SO MANY ISSUES WITH SEASON SEVEN but god that was a beautiful final shot.
• we finished Buffy, you guys. what are we gonna do now?

Daniel's Thoughts:

• OMG LAST ONE
• Buffy: “You have to leave LA”.  It’s ok, Buffy, the crappy season of Angel is over.
• Oh hey, Caleb is not dead. GASP.
• Sliced up the middle, Caleb is.  Won’t be the last one this episode.
• Buffy, “He had to split.” Haaaaaaaa.  Oh Buffy with the dad jokes.
• Angel: “I’m getting the brushoff for Captain Peroxide”
• Buffy referenced another WB show! (Dawson).  Is that allowed?  And is it allowed more or less now they’re on CW.
• Oh, the oft made-fun of cookie dough metaphor. But also, they made t-shirts.  It’s also going on a bit long.  Buffy’s not good with the metaphors.
• I’m still not sure why Buffy doesn’t want Angel in this fight.  I mean he’s there and he’s a big asset.  It has more to do with Joss/the network/powers that be not wanting Angel to take over when this is Buffy’s show which I totally get.
• I love Dawn kicking Buffy.  It’s so cute. 

“Dumbass.”

• Xander, “Sometimes I shouldn’t say words.”  Seven seasons and you’re finally figuring it out?
• But seriously, Spike’s drawing of Angel is fantastic.
• Aww, yay, Giles and Buffy are making up.
• Final Buffy inspirational speech.
• I seriously wouldn’t mind the Faith/Wood show.
• Awww.  Earlier when Xander said something stupid, Anya rubbed his hair.  Now that Anya’s asleep, Xander lovingly rubs her hair.  It’s adorbs.
• So many things wrong in this final battle.
• Why couldn’t Willow do her thing before the fight started?  That’s one.
• Teams of two.  Great – but why is Anya with Andrew?  Arguably the two weakest fighters.  (Let's face it, Anya's not a great fighter when she's not a demon and she's not going to get the slayer strength the other girls will get.) Couldn’t Anya drive the bus?  [OMG IT COULD HAVE FULFILLED THE SCENE FROM RESTLESS! MISSED OPPORTUNITY. - Z] Really, Buffy could have thought of other jobs for Anya & yes, even Andrew.
• “The Earth is definitely doomed.” Aww.
• See, Anya knows a bit of magic and has helped Willow before.  She could have helped, while Kennedy, one of the stronger potentials, could actually fight.  Also, Anya would def kill dark Willow if it came to that. (Or hold her off, somehow.  It would have been a nice ending to their turbulent relationship)
• “as long as Willow’s spell has time to work before…”  Again, why didn’t they do it earlier? 
• Love this montage of women and girls all over the world getting their slayer strength.
• I’m glad Willow’s hair didn’t stay white.
• Now go help, Willow, with your magics.  Ball of sunshine or something…anything.
• Vi really kills a lot of them.
• “I just figured you would be terrified and I would be sarcastic about it.”
• The thing is….They set this up terribly.  They’re killing these vamps too easily.  Anya and Giles and everyone -  when it took them two episodes to kill one.
• The first time Anya got sliced, I completely missed it.  It happens so fast.  I really hate that.  She deserves better than what she got, how she was always treated.
• And I know that's the point. The whole, quick pointless deaths happen in battle point. Stop telling me that's the point. It's the wrong point.
• Anya just gets sliced in half while Spike gets a hero’s death.  A death while killing all the vampires.  And he’s not even dead as we know he’s on Angel’s next season.
• Well.  Anya’s in the dimension with no shrimp, now.  
• I don't know if I've shared this in the past but I love this.  Here's my dedication (that I totally didn't make) to Anya:

(credit to michaelvm92 of youtube. Singer: Yael Naim)

• I sure hope everyone made it out of Sunnydale! 
• Andrew: “Why didn’t I die?”  Audience: “We have no idea.”
• Kind of a really cool effect to see the whole town go into a pit.  Although, I didn’t see an airport, or a beach, or….a Starbucks...
• And this is the worst part.  Xander’s reaction to Andrew telling him about Anya,  “That’s my girl.  Always doing the stupid thing.”  FUCK YOU XANDER.  It just seems so disingenuous.  It’s partly the delivery but...no, it's mostly the delivery.
• I mean we don’t get to mourn her death and it sucks.  He’s the only one that asks about her.  She was one of them, one of the scoobies.  Where is everyone’s concern?  There’s no time for it and that’s part of the problem. 
• Xander mentions Starbucks.  It was in the mall the whole time.
• So how did they beat The First exactly?  All the uber vamps are gone, ok…but.  Eh, never mind.

Favorite Lines:

Zelda: I can't choose between "Are you ready to be strong?" and "The earth is definitely doomed."

Daniel: "I just figured you'd be terrified and I'd be sarcastic about it." -Anya

Arc/Continuity Stuff:

• Recurring: Angel, Caleb, The First (as Buffy, Caleb), Giles, Faith, Wood, Potentials SLAYERS (Kennedy, Rona, Vi, Amanda, et al), Andrew, Turok-Hans, Anya's bunny fear, Bringers
• Shoutout to when The First came for Angel in Amends
• literal shoutout to Tucker in Andrew's speech
• Shoutout to the Cleveland Hellmouth (from The Wish)

Stats:

Anya's Hair - blonde, loopy curls

Dead Humans - 3

Dead Undeads - 25 (and then we lose count when the amulet activates)

Dead Flashbacks - 0

Dead Potentials - 2

Giles Unconscious - 0

Giles Cleans His Glasses - 0 

Buffy Breaks a Door - 0

Buffy Breaks a Sunnydale - 1

Evil Reveal - 0

Unevil Reveal - 0

Shenanigans Called - 0

Apocalypse Called - 0

HEY MARSHMALLOWS...!  We'll have our series recap next week before we take a bus from Sunnydale to Neptune and delve into Veronica Mars recaps.  Stay tuned!