PLEASE NOTE: THIS IS A SPOILER-RICH ZONE. If your diet requires you to dine on television spoiler-free ... good luck with that.


Tuesday, July 10, 2018

Rich Dude Kryptonite

Episode 2.14: Versatile Toppings. Original Airdate 3.15.06

" Neptune High's closeted gay teens turn to Veronica for help when a blackmailer cracks into a private Internet bulletin board and threatens to publicly out everyone associated with the site unless they pay $5,000 apiece. Meanwhile, Keith continues to work on a case for Terrance Cook while looking into bus crash leads. Also, Logan romantically pursues Hannah, much to her father's distress."

Zelda's Thoughts:

  • oh great, ECSTATIC to see that we're continuing to use trans women as a punch line in this episode
  • Terrence Cook making an OJ reference, with saying Lamb's waiting for him to make a run for it in his Bronco
  • Let's double down with some homophobia, though at least this time it's in the mouth of resident monster, Madison Sinclair
  • In this world SHIP stands for Students' Homosexual Internet ... Posting? 'kay

  • "Why can't the evil just get jobs like the rest of us?"
  • welp and Logan's giving Hannah the completely indifferent shoulder when he sees her in public, even if he's all lovey dovey in private. Because it's better if no one knows he's connected, knowing who her father is. It's kind of amazing she doesn't know about any of this
  • wow stuntcast Kristin Cavallari is ... dreadful "Sorry to blow your mind, but I'm a lesbian, Veronica." I've seen community theater acting better than that
  • V: "She's not what you'd call huggable."// Keith: "Whereas you warm right up to people?" Fair point. Also V and Jackie were adorable last episode. The writers clearly took Jackie's five ep hiatus to figure out how to make her an actual character
  • So in Dick's list of ways V is Rich Dude Kryptonite (Logan's accused of murder, Duncan flees with baby Lilly (not to mention his dead sister), and the boys she sent to jail when she was on a jury), he completely left off that one time when she caused his dad to flee the country
  • ugh, Logan even has a plausible excuse for why he pretends not to know Hannah in public - Lilly was murdered, V was almost shot when he was making out with her in his car; so he can claim it's because he wants to protect her. we know the truth
  • But Dr. Tom waits to confront Logan til Hannah's out of earshot.
  • Wheeee Keith found Terrence's alibi: no cell signal in the casino
  • And bless her, Mac doesn't want to hack the SHIP website for Veronica because she helped them build it in the first place, and doesn't want their privacy violated. "Damn you and your valid questions!"
  • Aw see, V, you can be friends with Jackie once she's written with more than one dimension
  • One of the kids on the SHIP site was one of the bus victims. Le sad.
  • Logan, still lying to Hannah, admitting he knew who her dad was, but claiming he didn't when he first met her. Logan the Liar.
  • I wonder if I would have given a tiny shit about cheerleader Kylie if Cavallari could act for even half a second. She can't even read her lines with anything approaching understanding.

Daniel's Thoughts:

  • Ok, here’s the gay episode.
  • Corny is a pizza boy….and boom, zapped….which of course is Veronica’s trademark.
  • Yay, the gay jokes have started.  Teen boys calling each other gay because that’s The Worst Thing.
  • And here’s Logan using Hannah to get back at her dad. 
  • Also Hannah’s wearing a knit hat and scarf in southern California because…winter?  It must be a really cool low 70s today. 
Where's her Parka?

  • Bradford Anderson is back.
  • And gay blackmail. Ugh, this hurts.
  • And poor Hannah.  Logan just ignores her in front of Dick.  And it’s really cruel and gross.
  • “Sorry to blow your mind, Veronica.  But I’m a lesbian.”  - lesbian cheerleader.  And I don’t believe her – not because she’s a cheerleader…– but because she’s a terrible actress.
  • And Dick, of course, makes lesbians about him.  Because that’s what straight guys do – lesbians are cool because that’s hot, but gay men are gross.  Ugh, I can’t.  I mean why am I even typing this? You guys know this.  Yeah, we’ve come a long way – but it’s still happening every fucking day.  All of this.
  • I mean obviously, Kelly the baseball player is one of the people being blackmailed…which of course he was one of the ones making fun of Dick earlier.  Because that toxic masculinity works more on us because it’s psychologically thrown onto us. Because sometimes it’s better to hide.
  • Logan’s excuse for ignoring Hannah in school is pretty lame and at this point, I’m kinda blaming Hannah a bit.
  • Veronica’s at the pizza shop waiting for the next fake call.  She’s got a notebook and I want her do be doing homework so badly, but I don’t think she is.
  • Yay! Back-up!
  • We should have had a stat for how many people get taped up to a pole.
  • “Damn you and your valid questions.”  I like that Mac doesn’t automatically do what Veronica wants without asking the ethical questions.
  • Logan pulls Hannah into a classroom – and at first I thought it was Veronica.  This was not a casting mistake.
  • “You’re gay, aren’t you?” – The music and camera cut away like it’s some damn after-school special.
  • The blackmail letter is signed Rick Santorum which is kind of amazing.
  • I hate this shit stunt casting.  The gay cheerleader is so amazingly bad.   I don’t care at all about her.
  • Is Logan really that important that every single extra needs to notice when he holds hands with a new girlfriend?


: So, are you ready to be the bait, Corny?
Corny: Hell yeah. No one better. I'm what you'd call a Master Bait!
Daniel: Corny's Single Entendre?
Zelda: I don't think he even knew he was doing it!

Favorite Lines:

Zelda: "Damn you and your valid questions!" - Veronica
Veronica: "She's not what you'd call huggable." Keith: "Whereas you warm right up to people?"


Neptune Roll Call: Logan, Dick, Jackie (Absent: Wallace, Duncan, Weevil, Beaver)
First Appearance: Leonard Lobo, Arturo
Recurring: Corny, Kelly Kuzzio, Hannah Griffith, Terrence Cook. Madison Sinclair, Ryan, Veronica's "Office," Carmen Ruiz, Dr. Tom Griffith, Deputy Jerry Sacks, Cindy "Mac" Mackenzie, Coach Preppernau, Sheriff Don Lamb
Generally Known TV Face: Kristin Cavallari (or so the internet tells us)
Buffy Alum: Gil Birmingham (Peru Man from Inca Mummy Girl - he's also in the Twilight movies but we forgive him)

Dead Humans - 0
Backup Sighting - 1
Veronica Breaks In - 0
Veronica Tases Someone - 0
Mac Hacks - 1
Who's Your Daddy? - 0
Wallace Does Veronica a Favor - 0
Veronica Wants a Pony - 0
Logan Punches Someone - 0
Dick's Single Entendres - 2: V: Dick, you totally nailed me [hit her car] // D: Oh man, so you're the fingernails chick from my New Year's party; "Remind me, which one of you pitches and which one catches?"
Shenanigans Called -  0


  1. Hannah is adorable and I feel bad that I still like Logan despite what an absolute dick he was to her. Hate it.

    1. Nope. Still don't like him. I get it, and I love the character, but I can't get over any of his bullshit until like ten years later in the movie when he's redeemed himself.

  2. You guys. I do know her name, but I don't know who Kristin Cavallari is or why she's famous so I had NO IDEA until just now that she was the cheerleader. No wonder she was so bad! Is she like a Paris Hilton type where she's not actually an actress and that's why she's so awful?

    1. She's a reality show person, I think. I'd google it but I don't want it on my search history.

  3. It's entirely possible that Dick doesn't know Veronica was behind his dad's exit.

    I also genuinely love Hannah. She's adorable.

    1. I'm not sure if I like Hannah or if I just feel sorry for her. She's not exactly the most fleshed out character. She has cold parents and she fell for a bad boy and insisted she loved him despite all the shitty things he did to her. I feel like this is a young thing. We all did it in our teens and early twenties - fell for that guy we shouldn't have, made excuses for him instead of kicking him to the curb - luckily we (most of us?) grow up and get over that phase. And I'm sure Hannah will, too. She'll go to an Ivy League (partly based on her grades, partly based on her 09er status), meet a bland rich boy with an inheritance, get married right after college, have 2.2 kids. Her husband will inevitably cheat on her. She'll drink. The kids will rebel. She'll divorce with a big settlement and finally find love with a used car salesman named Pete. And maybe she'll finally be happy.

      I just went away for a little bit.

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