PLEASE NOTE: THIS IS A SPOILER-RICH ZONE. If your diet requires you to dine on television spoiler-free ... good luck with that.


Tuesday, August 13, 2019

JonBenet Ramsey Was Killed By An Owl

Episode 4.03: Keep Calm and Party On. Original Airdate 7.19.19.

“Veronica and Keith’s client, Daniel Maloof, makes a shocking confession. [Chief of Police] Langdon closes in on her top suspect. Veronica and Matty join forces, just as the whole investigation is flipped on its head.”

Zelda's Thoughts:

  • V is jogging at night and the schmuckbait is too strong for me here.
  • Yep and someone is here to mug her. “You don’t have to say bitch. You can be a scary PCHer and respect women.”
  • And she tases him and takes a photo “for the ‘gram.” And then she asks for his wallet. “Go on. Git! This is my alone time.”
  • Uh so apparently this mugging cold open, with Juan Diego’s wallet of six crisp hundred dollar bills “inspires a conspiracy theory that was going to change [V’s] life.” Really?
  • Pizza Patton and Matty are trading theories: Mole Man or Congressman Maloof
  • Welp, two fans of Patton show up and it turns out they love him because he’s coming after a Muslim politician so racism sure is fun. At least he blinks at that.
  • Wow, apparently someone’s been blackmailing Maloof for the past year, and forcing his hand on certain votes, using a compromising video. His theory is that the bomb was a warning for him not to resign from politics.
  • Sidenote: I see that Kristen Bell is skilled in TV character eating: tiny tiny bites: 

  • The Mayor looks pretty blustery and useless so far.
  • “I’m sorry, who are you?” “How much time do you have? Cuz I've been thinking about this a lot lately.”
  • Dammit, we got our hopes up that V’s promise to have someone trace the blackmailer would be Mac … but she’s in Istanbul. For reasons.
  • “If you must know—” (Logan, from off camera behind the door) “Oh, she must.”
  • Logan's so much graver this season, but I do like when they remember how skilled he is at the banter.
  • “I assume that any text that starts with ‘bring me pants’ is from Dick.”
  • Oooh we’re at the Duck bar. Where’s our best friend Nicole?
  • I’ll say this for S4, there’s a lot more shirtless men than women
  • Wait why are we partying? I thought we were here for surveillance tapes. I’m so confused.
  • Wowww V is pukey hungover.
  • At least she got to bond and dance with our best friend Nicole 

  • Veronica wants a sap glove for Christmas. I guess she doesn’t need a pony anymore.
  • “He's convinced JonBenet Ramsey was killed by an owl.” Guys, I think I understood that reference!
  • Ewwww someone was shitting in the ice machines at the Sea Sprite.
  • And they’re sitting stakeout.
  • Mole Man’s license plate is 4VA G00. FOREVAH GOOOOOOOOO

  • This is my new thing I’m going to say over and over and over.
  • And Keith, through some sneaky phone work, finds the name of Mole Man: Perry Walsh. And when he looks him up: “Sweet Jesus.”
  • And he brings it to Chief of Police Langdon: Perry Walsh has a history with pipe bombs.
  • And while she’s not brushing him off the way the incompetent and corrupt Lambs would, she is brushing him off … but only until he’s out of sight – then she sends a SWAT team to Mole Man’s home.
  • Murderheads Meeting … this is fun
  • Wow, to his face, Patton is trying to tell Logan that Aaron may not have killed Lilly.
  • And now V knows that Gabriel is the nephew of cartel man.
  • Oops, Congressman is out of his nicotine gum. And Logan is offsite. I’m so scared he’s about to lose his head.
  • I just started screaming oh shit over and over because I thought our cartel friends were gonna behead the Congressman but instead he’s been abducted by the Carr brothers. Fucking hell.
  • It’s really just … so beyond anything that they’re doing all this shit to a sitting politician, for the sake of a ring.
  • Alonzo rescues him from the Carrs, cuts him down … what comes next?
  • I wonder if it’ll turn out that anything Pizza Patton is blathering about is right.
  • Oh damn, Perry “Mole Man” Walsh blew himself up with the cops closed in on him.
  • The body count is pretty high this season.
  • Aw man. They are gonna kill the Congressman. Aw man.
  • Logan’ll be out of a job. As will the Marses.
  • Wow, saved by the radio, which is reporting that Perry Walsh is the bomber. “Seems like we should still kill this asshole.”
  • Welp, Maloof's higher ground is lost, as he asks Alonzo to kill the two Carr brothers.
  • Keith and Logan both shocked and appalled that V didn’t bother to tell them about the attempted mugging. Apparently our man Juan Diego is also the phantom shitter.

  • Welp, and Langdon claims “diligent policework,” rather than giving credit to the Marses for tracking down Walsh.
  • He served seven years in Chino. V: “Cuss me running.” She’s finding a big ol’ conspiracy connection among Big Dick, Clyde, the Fitzpatricks, Walsh, and her mugger Juan Diego, all to clear out Spring Break partiers from Neptune. She did warn us of the conspiracy theory.
  • “You and I have a history of tilting at windmills.” I’m scared. Keith is warning her off it and he might be right, but the whole season has been warning us that worse is to come.
  • Another pill sequence for Keith, and now he’s going to the fancy doc that JK Simmons recommended.
You may remember him from such films as Scenes With Weevil.

  • Oh damn, Alonzo has been brought to meet Weevil.
  • So we're here to cheer Logan on at the volleyball tourney, but why isn’t Veronica sitting next to her best friend Wallace or our best friend Nicole? Why are they both perched behind her like sidekicks? (I know the answer is framing, but eff it) 

  • Oh. Fuck. Another bomb.
  • Veronica’s the only one not running away. She’s walking slowly toward it.
Daniel's Thoughts:

  • Veronica jogs.  That’s new.   It’s like 5 in the morning
  • And some PCHer tries to mug her.  But first she tries to talk him out of it.  And then she uses her taser.  It’s awesome.

Does this face look worried?

  • And then she takes his wallet.  But it’s something about the $100 bills she finds that sparks something.
  • If we have a PCHer, does that mean we’ll see Weevil soon?
  • The Cartel guys: Alonzo and Dodie.  Alonzo throws out the hotel bible. True story: I have a friend who takes bibles out of his hotel rooms and puts them outside the door.
  • Matty is visiting Patton Oswalt.  He’s still on his theory but Matty has her doubts.
  • He brings up Lilly Kane…which probably happened before Matty was born. GOD WE’RE OLD.  He briefly explains what happened in season 1.
  • He’s got fans.  He’s getting interviewed.  He’s enjoying his 15 minutes.
  • Logan’s started his job as security.  He greets the Mars’.  I like them working as a team.  All three of them now.
  • It is true that they tried to pay off Tawny.  It doesn’t change the Mars’ working for him.
  • Turns out Congressman Maloof is also being blackmailed for a….solo…sex tape.
  • Wow, Veronica’s kinda bitter. “Nothing matters.”
  • Veronica says she can find someone who can help find the blackmailer.  Is it Mac??
  • Keith asks if it’s who he thinks it is but neither he nor Veronica share a name with us.  IS IT MAC?
  • “Who are you?” “How much time do you have because  I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately.”
  • It's not Mac. Apparently Mac is in Istanbul. But that's all we get on that.
  • She asks Logan for help.  Also Logan speaks a little Arabic so he can understand when the Maloof’s speak Arabic to avoid Logan listening in.  Ooh, that’s great.
  • Kristen Bell and Patton Oswald have great rapport.
  • Man, I would hate to live in Neptune during spring break. It’s constant noise and GET OFF MY LAWN.
  • Is Dick a stripper now, what?   

I'll allow it.

  • Shots time!  Holy crap, Veronica gets druuuunk.  And it’s awesome.  She requests No Scrubs from the DJ and they play it. 
  • She regrets it the next day when she vomits it all up.  Amateur.
Just take some ibuprofen, bacon egg & cheese wrap and down some water.

  • Meanwhile. Keith found the rat guy.
  • Matty shows up at the Marses.   She tells them about her Fitzpatrick theory.
  • So Veronica & Matty go sit in a car waiting for the guy to show up.
  • Matty brings up Lilly.  Veronica admits she’s still angry about it.
  • Keith gets into Veronica mode and uses some aliases.
  • Police chief Dawnn Lewis doesn’t seem to want Keith’s help – but once he’s gone, she at least takes his warnings seriously.
  • Veronica and Logan go to meet Patton Oswalt for his “Murderhead” club.
  • The Murderheads have some wild theories but at least they can help V with certain facts. One: That Gabriel’s a relative of El Despiadado.
  • Zelda and I have a theory that one person is going to lose their head an episode.  We’re two for two and now we’re worried about the congressman.
  • So the congressman goes outside where Dodie and Alozno are waiting.  He gets kidnapped, but it’s not our cartel friends – it’s Tawny’s relatives still looking for that damn ring.
  • Alonzo and Dodie save him….but for what?
  • The Murderheads are all talking about Lilly and it’s getting tiresome.  For both me and Veronica.
  • So Perry, the moleman is dead in an apparent bombing suicide.  We’re only on episode three so that’s a bunch of hooey.
  • Congressman Maloof thanks Alonzo at first but then realizes they’re going to kill him.  I mean, I’d have hope – but they killed some innocent robotics college student, so.
  • I’ll say one thing – Logan and Veronica at least have a healthy sex life.
  • “This guy mugged me a while ago.” Logan & Keith: “What??”
  • I’m not sure about this new chief.  She seems competent but she still doesn’t give Keith and Veronica credit for their help in the investigation.
  • Veronica puts together that a lot of people involved were in the same prison.
  • Keith decides to take JK Simmons’ case.
  • So Wallace is more than just a HS Coach – he’s a Physics teacher as well.  In fact, he’s Matty’s teacher.  We learn that by hearsay – we don’t actually see Wallace.
  • Veronica and Keith debate dropping the case as solved.  They decide to – but then Veronica admits to the Maloofs that she doesn’t think they have the right guy.  And yes, we’re in episode 3 so I agree with Veronica.
  • Wow, Keith takes JK Simmons up on his offer.  He gets this amazing treatment – unlike when he was doing PT with Corny.
  • Weeviiiiilllll.  He looks good.  He meets Alonzo.
  • Dick seems to be making a living being a host at spring break stuff.
  • Dick and Logan are playing a couple of professional Volleyball players.  
*cute Top Gun music*

  • Veronica & Wallace & Kirby are there watching.


Murderhead: It means 'the ruthless,' I looked it up.

Veronica: Why do I always have to be right?
Daniel: Well not always. We have stats, girl.

Favorite Lines:

Zelda: "Cuss me running." - Veronica
Daniel: "Who are you?” “How much time do you have because  I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately.” - Langdon and Logan

First Appearance: Don, Juan Diego, Carol, Claudia, Angie, Tim Davids (Reporter), Herc, Manager Kelly
Recurring:  THIS IS YOUR GOD poster in Keith’s office, Weevil, Alonzo Lozano, Wallace Fennel, Dodie Mendoza, Daniel Maloof, Dick Casablancas, Nicole Malloy, Chief of Police Marcia Langdon, Penn Epner, Matty Ross, Amalia Maloof, Alex Maloof, Clyde Pickett, Tayler Carr, Tyler Carr, Perry "Mole Man" Walsh, Mayor Mark Dobbins, Bob Sargent, Hector
Generally Known TV Face: Clark Duke, Tyler Alvarez, Dannah Phirman
Zelda's Childhood Returning: Reporter #2 is played by Venus DeMilo Thomas  who played Telly on Salute Your Shorts
Logan's Inspirational Message: “Einstein said you cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for death. No, wait. That was war.”
Keith’s Alias: two phone scams

Dead Humans – 2
Pony Sighting - 1
Veronica Breaks In - 0
Veronica Tases Someone - 1
Mac Hacks - 0
Who's Your Daddy? - 0
Wallace Does Veronica a Favor - 0
Logan Does Veronica a Favor - 0
Veronica Wants a Pony - 0
Logan Punches Someone - 0
Dick's Single Entendres - 0
Shenanigans Called - 0

1 comment:

  1. I loved that Logan and Dick played volleyball against two women, who beat them soundly, and wore more clothes than they did. Huzzah.